I Got through the day - Praise GOD!!!!!

Praise god! I got through today.
I won't go into great detail but as a summery. The woman who sits behind me made it clear to me today that she doesn't
A) like me
B) want's me to work with the company.
I was FUMING!!! but managed to keep my mouth shut. I went and saw Mk (my hairdressing boss) during my lunch break. I needed some advice and to talk.
Luckly he wasn't to busy and took time out to talk to me.
In the end I walked away with a smile on my face.
She doesn't want me to stay. Well as Mk said, Make it clear that you want to stay for the long run and look forward to the future in the company. That will really get her. "don't give her the satisfaction of quitting."
So I did just that.
I will stay till the end of June - Maybe.
Then I can organise the big event of 5000 people and it will look good on my resume.
I will keep a look out for different work till then and if something really good comes up then i'll take it. I'll keep all my options open.
I really want to go overseas. Travell, experence something different. So as long as I can keep going till the end of the year i'll be ok.
It's not that long and a new guy starts tomorrow then a couple of new people after that.
New faces, this can cause my life to beccome hell because the woman who sits behind me will go on a power trip and put me down in front of him and walk over me.
Why do I let her do it? Might you ask - because it's obvious that she is being awful. To everyone. I don't ark up and I don't cause her out bursts, she just has a vandetta against me. I think now, If I can walk away with pride in myself for not arking up and sticking to my professional job then I will walk away the better person because I have not come down to her level.

On a lighter note, I was complemented on my phone manner, by one of the people who called in. He praised me to this old guy who works out of our office. He told me and I know the woman heard him, I thanked him because he said I was good too.
It's nice to be praised - I think he sees what goes on.
He's in his 60's but he's a nice guy.

I feel better tonight then I did last night.
My boss finallly had a meeting with me and reconised that I was sick and understood.
Just to hear that she RECONISED that I was sick was a big leap for me.
Considering that she hasn't even said anything in my direction.
It's just nice to be understood.
So I lasted the whole day and feel better that I did - In the end.

If I can walk away knowing that people care and understand me at the end of the day it makes me smile.
People, being my friends - the ones who have taken the time to know me.

Blurred thoughts...

So much for work today. I was woken up at 5am by my best friend telling me that she was in hospital with an ear infection. 5AM!!!!!!!!! I went to bed at 7.30pm and couldn't get to sleep but I was soooooo tired.
I took two sleeping tablets and I think I fell asleep around 11.30pm.
So I arrived at work, my boss again doesn't mention anything about me being away.
Nothing. A few people asked how I was.
Now hears what I find out. One of the guys has "left" and it's not spoken about so I have no idea what went on there. It was all fine before I left.
My boss is complaining that she now needs more staff. She's talking about bringing in outside people, your averavge "Joe" so to speak and putting them into a position that you usually have to work your arse off to get the promotion!!!
Hello!!!! Intelligent female sitting down frount wasting away in a crap position and has been there for FOUR MONTHS!!!!! Knows a bit more about the company then an "outsider"!!!!!
I'm not told anything. I have expressed my intrest to move up verbally and written yet they are about to put on a new guy on Wednesday!
WHAT THE!!!!
I was tired when I heard them talk about the recruitment of more staff.
I wanted to just say "What about me??!!!"
But because I was so tired and not in the best of moods, I left it as it was because they may have something else in store for me. But I'm REALLY doubting it.
I don't know but at the end of all this I'm not promoted I leaving.
Hears the catch.
I left work today at 1pm. I couldn't stay I was exausted.
I mentioned that I might do half days because I can't handle full days.
I think it's time to have a "meeting" but it looks really bad, me being in a position where I can't even stay a full day.
One guy said today "thank God your back"
"That's nice to hear"
But I sit at my desk today - it's not busy, i'm tired and there's NOTHING TO DO!!!!!
I have to remember that I can't leave without having another job to go to. My car loan has really stopped me from throwing it in today.
I don't think I'll be promoted. The woman who sits behind me I really doubt that she want's me in her "team".
If that's the case at the end of the day - It's not worth staying in a job where it's a brain dead job with no room for growth.
I want to learn. I want to grow.


I'm missing Damon. Mum said that he was looking for me in my room where I stay.
I was going to buy him a bone when I stoped & remembered that he's not at home.

Rusty sent me a message last night and said he was going to call tonight.
Yeah - Whatever.
Thing is that I'm feeling like I want someone to be around.
Rusty I know will be that person - quite happy to but I feel that if I say ok come round, cook me dinner (he's offer) hang out and chat - I feel that I'm leading him on. Even though nothing would happen.
I'm only human. What to do.

Can't we just be friends? Can't he just get a girlfriend so that would take the "tension" out of the maybe, maybe not - the always a possibility if we are both single.
Blah. Make sense?
I want someone to lean on.
I had a dream last night that I was talking to Eve. Talking about life I can't remember exactly what. He turned around and said something like"Oh, yeah,oh."
It was like he didn't care. He kept to himself and didn't really open up when I was "seeing" him. So in the dream I thought to myself - Sigh. What was I thinking.
Because we were together in my dream. Like, we had been gooing out for six months or a year. Awhile.

I don't want to be with anyone while I feel like this. But I guess it's the time where you become most vunerable.
I guess I just have to keep my eyes fixed on what can lie ahead rather then live in the now.
Why do I always do that??
I've got to have something to look forward to. Either a goal or something to keep my spirits high. Maybe that's why I feel like I do. My goal to better myself in the company has been squashed. What do I look forward to now?
I want to go overseas but not for at least a year.
It's out of my reach at the moment but it's something I look to.
I need money. My fantastic boss and work mates at the hairdressers would probably put me on full time but I don't think I want to do that full time.

I just want to learn more. I hate not learning.
Night school... a possibility.
This Glandular fever has just knocked me for six and I get tired. I can't do to much now and it's fustrating. SOOOO FUSTRATING!!!
I love being busy. Life in general. I like to play sport, I like to walk my dog, go out and listen to poetry, see friends, talk! I like to interact with people.
Now being so tired, my patience level has dropped and I haven't got the energy to go out.
I feel like crying. I feel like a mess. Well in truth I feel a bit better now I have typed it out.
But something will happen. This has got to work out somehow.

Blurred thoughts...

So much for work today. I was woken up at 5am by my best friend telling me that she was in hospital with an ear infection. 5AM!!!!!!!!! I went to bed at 7.30pm and couldn't get to sleep but I was soooooo tired.
I took two sleeping tablets and I think I fell asleep around 11.30pm.
So I arrived at work, my boss again doesn't mention anything about me being away.
Nothing. A few people asked how I was.
Now hears what I find out. One of the guys has "left" and it's not spoken about so I have no idea what went on there. It was all fine before I left.
My boss is complaining that she now needs more staff. She's talking about bringing in outside people, your averavge "Joe" so to speak and putting them into a position that you usually have to work your arse off to get the promotion!!!
Hello!!!! Intelligent female sitting down frount wasting away in a crap position and has been there for FOUR MONTHS!!!!! Knows a bit more about the company then an "outsider"!!!!!
I'm not told anything. I have expressed my intrest to move up verbally and written yet they are about to put on a new guy on Wednesday!
WHAT THE!!!!
I was tired when I heard them talk about the recruitment of more staff.
I wanted to just say "What about me??!!!"
But because I was so tired and not in the best of moods, I left it as it was because they may have something else in store for me. But I'm REALLY doubting it.
I don't know but at the end of all this I'm not promoted I leaving.
Hears the catch.
I left work today at 1pm. I couldn't stay I was exausted.
I mentioned that I might do half days because I can't handle full days.
I think it's time to have a "meeting" but it looks really bad, me being in a position where I can't even stay a full day.
One guy said today "thank God your back"
"That's nice to hear"
But I sit at my desk today - it's not busy, i'm tired and there's NOTHING TO DO!!!!!
I have to remember that I can't leave without having another job to go to. My car loan has really stopped me from throwing it in today.
I don't think I'll be promoted. The woman who sits behind me I really doubt that she want's me in her "team".
If that's the case at the end of the day - It's not worth staying in a job where it's a brain dead job with no room for growth.
I want to learn. I want to grow.


I'm missing Damon. Mum said that he was looking for me in my room where I stay.
I was going to buy him a bone when I stoped & remembered that he's not at home.

Rusty sent me a message last night and said he was going to call tonight.
Yeah - Whatever.
Thing is that I'm feeling like I want someone to be around.
Rusty I know will be that person - quite happy to but I feel that if I say ok come round, cook me dinner (he's offer) hang out and chat - I feel that I'm leading him on. Even though nothing would happen.
I'm only human. What to do.

Can't we just be friends? Can't he just get a girlfriend so that would take the "tension" out of the maybe, maybe not - the always a possibility if we are both single.
Blah. Make sense?
I want someone to lean on.
I had a dream last night that I was talking to Eve. Talking about life I can't remember exactly what. He turned around and said something like"Oh, yeah,oh."
It was like he didn't care. He kept to himself and didn't really open up when I was "seeing" him. So in the dream I thought to myself - Sigh. What was I thinking.
Because we were together in my dream. Like, we had been gooing out for six months or a year. Awhile.

I don't want to be with anyone while I feel like this. But I guess it's the time where you become most vunerable.
I guess I just have to keep my eyes fixed on what can lie ahead rather then live in the now.
Why do I always do that??
I've got to have something to look forward to. Either a goal or something to keep my spirits high. Maybe that's why I feel like I do. My goal to better myself in the company has been squashed. What do I look forward to now?
I want to go overseas but not for at least a year.
It's out of my reach at the moment but it's something I look to.
I need money. My fantastic boss and work mates at the hairdressers would probably put me on full time but I don't think I want to do that full time.

I just want to learn more. I hate not learning.
Night school... a possibility.
This Glandular fever has just knocked me for six and I get tired. I can't do to much now and it's fustrating. SOOOO FUSTRATING!!!
I love being busy. Life in general. I like to play sport, I like to walk my dog, go out and listen to poetry, see friends, talk! I like to interact with people.
Now being so tired, my patience level has dropped and I haven't got the energy to go out.
I feel like crying. I feel like a mess. Well in truth I feel a bit better now I have typed it out.
But something will happen. This has got to work out somehow.

I can cook !!! - Well Almost

I got up early today and went to church. I haven't been to a morning service for ages, It was good makes me think about "street works" I should be doing more.
I can't even think about doing anything at the moment besides sleeping and trying to stay positive that I will be able to walk Damon in a week or so and i won't get a cold or anything before I'm compleatly back to my old self.
I've been told by everyone that it really wipes you out.
I don't want to believe it - but I feel it.

I pushed myself today to get up go to church, do the shopping then Cook! I have to mention that I can't and don't cook but desprate times call for desperate measures.
In my time spent with my mum at the country she showed me how to cook "Chow mien"
and a meatloaf.
I made "chow stuff" at my mums and stuffed it. Forgot the rice and beans and stirring it so it burnt.
So today I put it to the test. I added fancy things like Bay leaves and thai spice peppers and chilli.
I once again forgot to stir it, Well I totally forgot all about it - And the water, So it burnt and stuck to the bottom but it wasn't so bad stir it around and it was fine.
Altho I must say I hate chopping onion, I had tears pouring down my face and had to take a break for five minutes.
So I was quite pleased with myself. I need to eat better meals. No breakfast for dinner and so forth.

So after cooking and cleaning up all the dishes I feel exausted.
I'm not hungry for dinner.
I'm not hungry at all.
I'm forcing myself to eat because I know my body needs food to get through the day, provide energy ect.

Blah.
MY necks sore, needs a massage.
I need to sleep.

Good bye and hello

Good bye home cooked meals, M*A*S*H and Everyone loves Raymond re runs, Good bye food that just appears when you want it.
Hello frozen microwaved meals, powderd milk and the shopping centre down the road that always changes where they put food week to week making my trip to the shops that much longer.

Rusty hasn't called or text me since I told him that he should be giving his liver a break after his "Big nights" out.
One thing I hate is that term being used to describe the previous nights out at a bar, getting blind drunk and having an extreamly horriable hangover the next day.
I think he got the drift that I wasn't impressed by this, hence no contact.
I didn't even realise until last night that he hadn't called or text me. Unusual but not something I loose sleep over.

First day back

So I went to work today. I was sooooo tired at the end my feet hurt, My eyes were slowly closing and I was leaning on anything I was close to.
I went to Mon's lay on the couch and talked to the girls and Troy the boyfriend.
He's nice enough. After a while I left came home.
I was so tired at work untill I got like a second wind around one o clock and that kept me going. Now that's worn off, I'm feeling like my energy has been wrung out of me. No plans for tomorrow just yet, I'm missing Damon mum called and he doesn't seem to be missing me to much. So that's good, at least he's not sad.
I better be off.
Guitar calls.

Two days in one post

Thursday 6pm
I go home tomorrow…
I had a sorta bigish day today.
I did five sit ups in the morning, washed and blow dryed the front of my hair, hung out a load of washing, went into town looked at an op shop, went shopping for about fifteen minutes came home and had to sleep for an hour. I was woken up by Damon running inside and smushing his wet nose into my face and licking m in the eye.
That’s one way to wake up! He tends to that every morning, He’s pretty cute.
So I can’t sleep because it’s to late and If I sleep now I won’t be able to sleep later.
BLAH!!!!!!

I went and brought that protein powder. It’s not a meal replacement so that’s good.
I want to feel healthy. I want to feel energy. I want to feel like I did before I got this stupid Glandular fever!
It’s kinda hard to do when you can’t exercise.
One of the girls from hairdressing work sent me a text asking how I was and if she could do anything to help me out.
That was really nice. She’s great.
I had this conversation with my mum yesterday which I laugh at, it’s stupid really.
“You need to start and take that Berocca” ( Vitamin drink thing)
“That is gross, It’s discusting!”
“No it’s not”
“Yes it is”
“No, it’s not. Not this one”
“I know which one it is and it’s the same, It’s gross”
“No it’s not”
HUH???
“Ma, at what point am I able to have my own opionion??!!” Finding this amusing,
She starts to laugh. Oh, mum

8.45pm
I’m thinking that I’ll start some Yoga or something.
That’s kinda slow…
This is ridiculus I’m outer hear.

24/02/06
Today I go home. My mums phone line has been dropping out hence the two in one post.
I’ve decided to leave Damon up at my mums for another week with out me.
I feel really sad about it. But I figure he will have the company and exercise which he wouldn’t get back home. I can’t exercise him but I know I will try to and possibly get sick then it would back to square one.
I’ll miss him like crazy, I already do and it’s just the thought of leaving him!!!
But I would feel terriable not being to walk him and for him to be stuck in a small backyard. At least hear he has other dogs to play with and exercise himself and mum loves him.
Mums latest is that she’s going to take on two CALVES !!!!! To be given back after six or eight months. Yeah right!!!! I told her that she would grow attached and she even said that she would have to buy them and keep them!!!!
“Ma, think about it! Those things live for years!!! Another mouth to feed! It could live for another twenty years! Double the work load, food money …. And I’m not looking after any cows in any future!!!!”
She starts laughing seeing the funny side to it – but it’s true!!
I think a horse, two dogs, a cat, two birds and two goats are more then enough to look after. She’s also been offered another old horse and wants to take on these calves!
They are breed to eat. Beef calves. No way can my mum give them away to eat!
Anyway.
I’m only being realistic.
Back to work tomorrow. Hairdressing – I’m looking forward to it, also to see how I stand up to it.

Later…
So my mum gives me some fake roses, she got from valentines day from her old folks group she goes to.
“Do you want them?”
“Yeah, I could put them in my hair” – I then do so.
“What do you think? To big?”
“I don’t know”
“Mum it’s your opinion” – I say as she walks off, I take it out of my hair.
Mum comes and sits back down.
“Show me” I turn to get the rose and put back into my hair –
“Yeah, looks good”
“Ma! I haven’t got anything in my hair!!!!”
She laughs, and laughs. I do too.
What the!!!
Later…..
Well, I’ve arrived home – with out Damon and feeling a little empty without him near by.
Work tomorrow. Must go sleep.

This is stupid but....

Well, I've come home from my outing.
I went and looked at an op shop, walked to a little fruit shop and brought one of those protein drinks.
I can’t bring myself to buy the powder.
Sick or not I look at those tins and think of my ex and that transformation in only two and ahalf months. 10 kg heaver, still looked good but wasn't exactly healthy.
I can’t just have a drink instead of food. I need to eat.

My best friend who’s engagement is on Saturday sent me a text message saying
“Less then a week – not long now!!!”
Yeah. I thought. I’m working that day and can’t see myself driving for two hours staying for two hours then driving home again after working five hours on my feet first day back.
I’m her bridesmaid, I have to go.
I don’t know when they are tying the knot but it’s no time soon.

I’m tired and I hardly did anything!!!
There are so many things that I want to do and I’m up in the country watching cable which is HIGHLY over rated and playing my guitar.
I was awake at 11pm last night writing, trying to get some sort of lyrics. In the end the pen was dropped and my eyes closed.
I rip off a few melodies and change them around and I get a verse or chorus but that’s it.
It’s just not coming to me at the moment. Poetry isn't either. Pen in hand and I get that block. Nothing comes.
I need to sleep.
I need to be inspired. Back home I go out into the city – come home from a performance and I can sit on my bed for an hour or two only stopping because the little voice in me says” You have to work tomorrow… Go to sleep”
I have to listen to my body.
It’s telling me to sleep now.

My brother is making me wary. He’s discovered the world of blogging.
I had to help him set up his and show him how it works.
“What’s yours?”
I look at him. It’s pretty obvious to me that he’s goggled me. Unfortunately I think he got onto it.
Certain things he says and does. Random comments he comes out with.
I guess I had this coming. Time to change my blog URL.
Maybe….
I don’t think I like the fact that he reads about my life.
He knows that he can't say anything because that would give it away.
That smile he gives me. I know how he thinks. He has this laugh too.
Well, I'm not the one whos posing as someone elce on the net. He's 26 and he's given a compleatly different name and he put down that he's 19!!!!!
Whatever! He put his photo onto the blog too. It's something called MSN ?? I'm not famillar with it. How do I know this? When he asked me to help him set it up I had to get into his profile part and saw it. He was sitting next to me looking saying you don't have to scroll over that do you?? Yeah, I did.
I shake my head. So no ones perfect but - oh whatever.
Once I tried my own experiment on him. Nothing bad, but I know how easily manipulated he is.
So just to prove a point if only to my self and my mum I told him that this man who was a pig of a person, a real prick.
I waited till my brother asked “is he the good or the bad one?”
“Oh no, He’s really nice. Sweet man. Everyone likes him”
Brother goes out and talks to man.
“Yeah, he’s really nice isn’t he. Yeah, good guy”
Pathetic. Really.
I tell him “ben” who is a great guy, just isn’t good and I can’t put my finger on it to why and when he meets him - “Yeah, something isn’t right with him.”
Now you may think what an awful thing to do to your brother but I wanted him to make up his own mind. He never does. He always goes on what other people think.
People who judge people on what others say – poor character. Maybe it’s working with the people on “street works” who remind me that you just can’t do that and get back to “reality”.
I think you always know what’s right, wrong, good or bad. It’s just listening to it.
I feel like I’m repeating myself. In a previous post and to an email to a friend.

So will I change you my little blog??? I know people have this address who know me, acquaintances some.

I’m rambling. So much for listening to your body. I really need to sleep.

Australian News

I was sitting outside,on a chair in the shade enjoying the fresh air playing my guitar. I was really enjoying myself I got a couple new melodies and it was a beautiful day.

I feel sad. I'm sitting hear winging about that I then got tired after about half an hour and had two have a "nap" which ended up lasting three hours and I woke up still tired.
But I feel it's so sad because I am listening to the news in the back groung where a small country town in the state where I live five teenage students were killed when a car ploughed through the crowd of them as they were walking to a party. They don't know or won't say what the driver was thinking??? Was he drunk??? Two kids were from the same family. It's sad. Really sad.
The driver had his two kids in the car with him. What's the deal with that????
Rusty is from a country town and knew one of the two sisters who got murdered the other week. He didn't know her well just hooked up with her at a party once a few years ago. Friends of friends sorta thing.
The car ploughing into the kids is huge over hear, It's all over the news.

My small, trivial problems don't mean much anymore. Those poor families.

Friends!!!

So cute!!

More Photos!!!!!

It worked again!!!!!!!
This is Tessa, she's twelve years old and is the most beautiful cat, she has NEVER sctatched me or done anything to hurt me. She's all cozy on my bed looking georgus!
If the other photo comes out it's a Sunset that was taken at a lake which was Theas last day in Australia before she flew to U.S.A
OMG!!! It worked too!!!!!!!

PICTURES!!!!! IT WORKED!!!!

How exciting!!!! The picture in the previous post was Damon!! We went to the beach one morning and he ran around with the other dogs and had a great time!
If this works this is my sexy Family mobile.
It's pritty big but nice to drive.
I want to get more pictures but I can't find the camera thing that connects into the computer to put them in.
Maybe Blogger's having I like me moment and is letting me use the photo thing!

My mums out all day tomorrow.
She's got a new dish washer. So I use a glass, spoon, plate - anything and when I go to refill or reuse it only moments later - it's already in the machine.
She's liking the dishwasher a little too much!

Oh Damon - Aww Mum!!!!

Oh Damon! Why do you have to pull out plants from mums garden?? Out of the thousands of plants you have to not just dig up but also DESTROY the one she planted in memory of her mother!!! Then continue to squash her "Butterfly plant" which was comming along so well...
And I look at you now so tired and the fact that you really are a good boy and you are so cute the way you put yourself to bed when you saw me brushing my teeth - even if it was too early. The way you smile and wagg your long skinny tail when I come home and you lick my hand. I forgive you. All the love you give me and the way I wake you up when you dream and sleep bark/cry.
I love you.

Now Mum. I will always continue to laugh at you when you do things that I find are dumb.
like: Not understanding a movie, me having to stop laughing at the funny part rewind it and explain it, then paly it and continue again wth step A. - It's no longer funny I now laugh at you because your behind that eight ball.

- When I ask you to take a photo with a digital camera and you turn it off.
this followed by the next night with you taking a photo by putting the camera up to your eye and wondering which part to look through...!

-When you tell me that it's ok if the cat attacks my dog because he won't scratch his eyes because his claws aren't sharp and if he does then the other dog will attack the cat.
"So instad of me screaming at one cat we will both be screaming at three."
You laugh, and laugh, and laugh.
That's ok Mum... I find it funny too.
love you.

A weighty issue - well maybe not...

On a small note – or long which ever.
The doctor was giving me the run down that I really have to take things easy for a LONG LONG time when I start back at work.
I just don’t want to think about getting really sick, tired and she was saying how it could lead to chronic fatigue if I do to much to soon. A lot of people have told me about cases which this has happened and other things like it always comes back when you get run down or stressed.
I lead a busy lifestyle! I wanted to join a soccer club this season!!!
I want to walk/run with my dog! I wasn’t a very happy camper by the time I walked out.
The doctor told me to drink this protein power stuff called Sustagen Gold.

I just thought no way. I told her how my ex put on about ten kilos in about two or three months. I steer clear of that stuff no matter how good it might be! I think it’s good if your active but if your not – it’s a big no no.
I’ve brought a multi vitamin.
I haven’t put much thought into what I eat. I’m as fussy as all hell but I wasn’t brought up on crap food.
Anyway I’m ordering lunch with my mum and I’m thinking about what I should and shouldn’t eat!!! It’s awful having to think like that!!!!!
I was thinking is that going to add to my ass tomorrow???!!!!
Stupid Glandula fever. Stupid food.
That really did not make me happy.
Exercise makes you feel better – puts a light on life that makes things look up.
Now I’m looking into cable T.V.
Great.

I played my guitar for about ten minutes today before I got to tired.
And now I’m getting tired of typing.
Great. This better not last too long!!!! I’LL GO INSANE!!!!

Days of our lives

I went back home today to revisit the doctors.
Blood test came back positive for Glandular fever, so it just confirmed her 99.9% diagnosis.
We came home and we saw the woman across the road that has lived there for over thirty years and knows everyone and thing that goes on in the street.
Conveniently she was "watering" her garden when Eve came round.
So we caught up on the "gossip"
"The ambulance came this morning and took Dennis who lives two doors down from you to the hospital. Then another one came not long after - it must have been his heart ..." She went on and conversation changed.
Later my brother is showing mum and I his new hand held radio.
"I can pick up police, ambulances - hey there was an ambulance that came this morning!!"
"Yeah, I know"
"How do you know??!!" Him wanting to be the one with all the inside info.
"Oh, mum knows too"
"Mum? Hey Mum - what was it about??"
"Oh, I don't no"
HUH????
"Yes you do" I say
"No I don't"
"MUM!!!"
"Um...Oh Yeah that's right, what?"
"Oh,My God.! Ma!"
"Oh - That's right..."
She remembered but it took awhile.
"I can't believe you mum, your loosing the plot!"
"I think I am!" she laughs
"Yeah, you are" I shake my head in disbelief that she looks like she is really loosing the plot by laughing about it.
She's now outside and I can hear her as she curses at the ride on lawn mower, tinkers about, tries to restart it and ... she's off again.
She's put all the cable channels on the T.V for me as I’m hear another week.
I'm not more antibiotics.

Arr - these are the days of our lives

Pictures

I'm seeing if this works. I bet it will.
It looks nothing like me, those aviator things.
It's the closest I come to a picture on my blog.

Anyway - today I feel like i'm getting better. Still not right but better then before. I ate a real dinner of soup and bean/taboli salad.
I watched Meet the Fockers today - funny movie:))
I went for an outing to the shops and bathed two Big dogs. My motto is do it good and quick - when it comes to bathing dogs!
So that wiped me off for the afternoon.

So hears the picture, I wonder if it will work???

Damon the CUTIE!!

Just something funny.
Well I find it funny.
Mum says how Damon is "such a pleasure to have, No problem at all"
as he now is currently running around the farm with her good car wash squeggie thinggi, rolling in her garden and yesterday ripped up her nice plants!!!!!
Today we look out the window to brown things lying on the lawn.
"What's that?" Mum asks
"I don't know"
"Looks like a dead Rabbit"
"Oh,no!"
Mum goes outside for a closer look and it turns out that it's her horse brushes that Damon has taken out from the shed! The night before he found a milk container and ripped it into small bits and got the other dog involved my mums dog Bronson.
i told them off but I have to laugh when he does these things because he just smiles and runs off and into something elce.
He's soooo cute and funny!!!!

PROGRESS!!!!

I CAN EAT AN APPLE!!!!
This is exciting to me because I haven't been able to eat for anything which wasn't in drink form or puree`.
I've taken another week off work. I still get really tired but i'm going on an outing to the country shops tomorrow. I just need to get out of the house. Get some change in sceanery.

I watch M*A*S*H and sleeep. NOW I CAN SWALLOW!!!!
I CAN EAT !!!
I want to eat!!

When I think about it it's nearly been a month of not feeling well. Because I was really tired the week before I realised that I was really sick but I had symptoms form the previous week and I put it down to just being tired and I was drinking 3 cans of those "V" caffinated drinks in a day well, six hours. I needed to wake up! I didn't realise till now that I was most likely sick then too. I mean I did have a fever but the air conditioner at work was broken - I should have realised it then!
Oh well, I do now!
Another doctors appt on Sunday and I dare say more drugs.
Hey whatever it takes!
I need to go rest.

Great. Now my spell check dosen't want to work!

I'm HOT!!!

And No one cares!!!
Not that I care that no one cares but my fever is kicking in again.
Back on the panadol.
I wake up, make breakfast put it in the fridge, go back to bed.
An hour or two (when I wake up) Get out breakfast eat, take medication, sleep.
Get up check emails, blog, feel tired,hot - back to couch and possibably sleep.
This is my routine.
I didn't realise today was Friday. Thrusday maybe but not Friday.
It is Friday - Isn't it??
My neck hurts, among things.

My friend Fi has her baby soon!!! I'm freaking out with her about the labor!!!!
OHHHH!!!! How scarey, how painful!!!!
I'm not much help.

I have to go. feeling tired.

Too much thinking is bad for ya brain

Well , I’m laid out on the couch eating frozen Yoghurt, listening to the T.V in the back ground.
I’ve slept heaps today and it’s only 2pm.
It’s a beautiful day outside yet I just want to lay on the couch and not move.
My mum had the Jehova witness people come round today for a “talk” – preach.
Damon was outside and wouldn’t stop barking .
I could hear them talking and Damon wouldn’t stop. In fact he took it up a notch and was louder and continues! I was banished to my room while these people came round.
Mum doesn’t want me to be the cause of an indifference of opinion.
Damon soon joined me, as no one could talk while he was outside.

I’m starting to feel tired again.

6.45pm
Just thinking about Friends.
My two best friends are miles away. One overseas the other about a two hour drive away. But If they needed me I’d fly, drive hitch hike whatever it takes to get there.
We just know that we are there for each other.
We don’t have to talk daily, weekly we don’t have to say we “should catch up”
“We should talk more often” We understand that we live our own lives and were busy.
I love them dearly and we just understand.
We have space.
I’ve been friends with Thea for 11 years and Ange for 6 years.

Being sick has made me realise that sometimes things happen for a reason.
I’ve been told that if I don’t rest, get stressed out and over work yourself this fever will came back.
So I’m thinking I’ll be seeing it again in – oh –June.
I’m not a person who takes life easy.
I had set myself a goal to run 14 kilometres . The run was scheduled for April this year.
I was running and working up to it. I even actually walked/ran it once. It took forever but I felt ok. It also wrote me off for two weeks after it but I kept going.
Now. I can’t contemplate it. I’d have to start from scratch again and “take it easy”.
I shake my head.
Ok God. I’ll listen. What is it that I should be focusing on?
I’m resting and it may take awhile but I’m confident something is in stall for me.
I may not end up going overseas. But I don’t know. I just have to listen and do what I hear.
How do I know if what I hear is right? Well you just know.
I knew that I wasn’t meant to sleep with Eve. I mean I just choose not to listen and I did my own thing.
I knew Jack was always going to hurt me yet I still did my own thing.
I have to listen. It probably sounds strange to those of you who aren’t Christian.
But when you start to listen good things happen and it’s when you don’t – you know but yet you still choose not to listen. I do this quite often.
But I’m only human, I can only try.

Now I'm stuffed.
That has zapped out any energy that I had left in me.
I need another shower...

Poor Form

I have rung my boss THREE times at work and left messages to call me each time AND I have left two messages on her mobile.
By the second message I just explained that I was sick and wouldn’t be coming into work for the rest of the week and I’ll call her on Friday about the following week.
I expect more from a boss but considering that she NEVER asked if I was ok then, yes it’s poor form but I shouldn’t expect more from her.
I wanted to do the right thing and talk to her in person but can’t say I didn’t try.
I'm glad I don't feel bad not working.

I’ve been lying on the couch all day watching T.V and sleeping.

Rusty called me today. He didn’t mention the message.
I think he’s liking me a little.
Ok so I know he likes me and I think he’s a nice guy BUT he’s too full on.
I think if we were to get together (which wouldn’t happen- but for an example) He would be a very intense type of boyfriend.
I think a little like Glued to you.
I think the right word for it would be suffocating.


Maybe have a cold shower. That might perk me up a bit.
I have no idea how I got this glandular fever??
Wasn't through kissing anyone that's for sure!

Finalliay a diagnosis!!!

14/ 02
12.30 pm
What’s that you say – It’s not hot in hear??
I need vitiman C. Sugar seems to come with that. Lots and lots of sugar.
So much sugar that in other circumstances I would bounce off the wall but what now – I get a sore stomach.
I have a fever.
I thought I was going to cry in the supermarket today because I was tired and just wanted to get my stuff and leave then I forgot the honey which was my reason for going in the first place, had to go back and I it was just a big time of “I don’t want to be hear “ blues.
My neck hurts. Yes, I’m winging but I have to.
Damon trots in, smile on his big head as he starts to chew on my new shoe.
Now he’s next to me, extreamly board. He was chewing on my hand this morning jumping around my room. Because I haven’t been able to walk him he’s going a little crazy.
I gotta go to a doc’s appt soon
So more later…

Well I’m back and the verdict? As I expected. Glandular Fever.
She was a really nice doctor and said she was 99.9% sure it was. I get the blood test results on Sunday.
So I sit hear on Valentines day on my hot date with peniciallian.
Great.

I also found out to day that a “maybe” man that I thought a little about – has a girlfriend. I didn’t ask . He asked me if I was going out tonight.
I said no, You should, It’s single awareness day, you’d be a hit with the ladies!
“A hit? The only hit I’ll get is a direct hit from my lady!”
Bam Bam . Right. Your lady. Right.
A tad disappointing but what can ya do?
At least there is no “maybe” tension now.

So hears to the rest of the week. Writing, playing my guitar, sleeping, reading – sitting outside on the verandah .

Rusty sent me a Valentines message with a love heart saying send it to 5 people and back to me and you will get a valentines surprise.
I sent him the message back
“Happy single awareness day…:p”
That’s not mean just shows my lack of intrest.


9.30am 15/02/06

Blah. Things have gone from bad to worse, but I have a diagonsis. Glandular fever.
Great.
I feel releaved that I know what it is. I have all this week and maybe next off work too.
I can hardly swallow and I’ve got really, really tired.
I’m in the country at my mums house, she’s looking after me.
It’s sooo nice.
She makes me jelly, buys me frozen yoghurt, gets me pretty much whatever I need and don’t need. Love my mum.
She has cable TV and was going to et extra channels put on for me.

How long will this last?? I hardly slept last night and I was too tired to play my guitar.
I’m starting to get to tired to write.
I could do an auto post – If I could talk !!!
Gotta go

A trip down memory lane - an insight to me because i want to

Well it's 1.45am and I up drinking hot tea which soothes my throate. I wanted honey but were out :(
I've got a feaver. I'm so hot and sweaty then I get up and I freeze!
I debated about going out and buying some but I'll wait till morning.
Every breath I take is ripping down my throate and swallowing is near impossable but cos it's so dry i need a drink then I have to swallow and hence - I can't sleep and feel like crud.
I was talking to Rusty tonight and he offered to come round and cook me a decent meal. I laughed it off and said that I don't want to infect him.
"Nah- that's ok, I'll be fine"
I ignored the comment and changed the subject.
( I just scractched behind my head and to the side a bit - guess what I found?? more lumps!!! I've got glands popping up everywhere!!!!)
I had a blood test today, I told the woman doing it that I have extreamly hard to get vains and I've been told to tell other people to use a butterfly needle.
She had a go with a normal needle and missed by a mile!!!
I could of done a better job myself!!!
I then went somewhere elce and they used a smaller needle and it was fine.
"Next time just come straight to us - we get all their patients after they have had a go at them."
Great. Wish I knew that BEFORE I waited for ever and got jabbed by someone with there eyes closed!!!
I should be asleep.
I'm not working when I'm sick and now I don't feel to bad about it.

I colored my hair in an attempt to put some color into my face. I was sick of looking pasty and sick.
Now I look pasty and sick but with different color hair.

Valentines day tomorrow. Well actually, today being that it's 2am.
I was going to go out to a poetry night that sounded like fun.
Now, i'm stuck at home.

My brother asked who have I been kissing? To get a sore throate ect..
No one! I shared a drink about four weeks ago but I'm sure that dosn't count.
I'm really half harted about Rusty comming round to "help".
I don't want to have someone I have to talk to and make conversation with when all I want to do is watch M*A*S*H.
He want's so help and that's nice but I'm not the best of company when I'm sick.

I just got a memory. When I was sick and my ex made me honey and lemon drinks, got out pillows and put them on the couch, tucked me in like a coocoon, gave me greek soup that his mum had made then he would cuddle up next to me and we would just sit and watch T.V.
It was that warm compleate feeling.
But he's an ex for a reason but you don't forget the nice memories.
Another nice moment which is like a picture in my head but I can see it as clear as day. Eve skiped/ran ish onto the couch and jumped on got him self comfortable then looked at me and smiled. That was before the first night together.

It's moments like these that make me smile :)

Another memoriable moment, Is when I intentionally wanted to make a memory.
My memory turned out to be my horse covered in sweat that had semi dried. I rub my hand hard on her back and neck and inhale her smell. I kiss her soft sweaty mussel and she throws her head up still in state of shock.
I go back to her back kiss it and tell her "I love you, I'm sorry - I love you"
Kiss her again on her back and I turn and walk to my car.
She was put down on the side of the freeway in a floating accident.
That was 3 years ago.

I think this feels like a memory post.
Another memory - walking to the when I was thirteen in a hospital.
I walked over to the basin where there was a mirror. I looked up and saw the damage.
I still remember the feeling. I looked - oh well. Feeling of move on.
Years later my mum told me of her memory of that moment and she said
"You didn't cry, You weren't upset - You made me so proud"
Half my face was ripped up and so swollen that you couldn't see that I had an eye.
My mum had compared it with the "elephant man". I didn't know what she meant at the time but years later I saw a picture of the "elephant man" and didn't see the resemblance.
That was a horse riding accident.

This is a bit of an insight, well at least it's taken my mind off my throate.

A happy memory Riding my horses.
Going out with Thea and running a muck.

Embarrassing moment???
Takes a bit to embarrass me, I can't think of anything at the moment.

I need another drink of hot tea. I can't be bothered making one.
I hate being sick.

I like thinking about happy memories. Life changing ones too.

Spell check isn't working. This is a long post with lot's of spelling mistakes but I'm a bit over the whole spell thing if you can't tell.
2.50am

No Picture needed

for the previous Random thought, Altho Mental images are most welcome.

Random thought

When you have mind blowing sex - you don't forget it.
Eve.

stupid computer part two

Now will this work?

Stupid COMPUTERS!!!!!

Oh my God!!!!! I just spent an hour downloading that "hello" thing cos` I wanted to post pictures and A) I couldn't work out how to use it B) I don't think it helps me at all!!!!!!! Typicall!!!!!
Blah. Use Html - What??? I can't get into it!!! I'm OVER IT!!!!
Stupid website.
Now the little picture thing on my new post is gone.
Phewey.

I'm going to bed.

my pictures

has this image really been added or do I have to download that "Hello" thing to get pictures on?? anyone know?

Golf ball Glands!!!

I feel like crying - only because I'm feeling a little sorry for myself.
I'm still sick!!!
My glands have flared right up making them stand out like golf balls on my neck!
I'm getting a blood test done on Monday or Tuesday.

I thought about Eve. How he is. He's brothers wife just had a baby.

I'm colouring my hair tonight, I'm hoping that it will improve the color of my face. I was told I look pale today, if I had a color that put a bit of color in my face it might make me feel better rather then looking washed out and pastey looking.

Yeah i'll go do that now.
And play my guitar. I have words in me for this melody but still can't get it together.

Why do posts need a Title?

What Luck!!!
It will be two weeks on Sunday.
Two weeks ago on the Sunday I cut up branches, an old gate, wood from an old shead, removed bricks and boulder rock things to out the front.
It was I think it got to 35 degreese.
I was stuffed. I had to do it as if I don't do it it simply dosen't get done.
So I impressed the guy across the road in my get up of dirty old halter neck top dreanched in sweat and the oldest dorkest pair of shorts that I could find that ride up when you walk.My hair was a sweaty mess, I was doing work - not a fashion show. I had to remind myself that when a friend of he's rocked up and peered at me.
Anyway the Monday I wasn't too bad. Tuesday I couldn't move.
My neck was killing me and I had a killer headache.
From there I got sinus pain and couldn't breath with out air ripping down my throught. I got something that sounded like faran-gites? (throate infection).
So I had a headache, sore neck,throught and was infected.Great.
Still not feeling better after antibiotics I go back to the doctor and Now what???
I have an ear infection. Which could be why I have a feaver and feel like crap.
Great.
I went to work for the whole week. At the end of each day I would come home and go to bed and watch a M*A*S*H re run.

I do have progress at work!!!
The woman who sits behind me - I stood my ground on what I thought to be correct and I had proof backed up that I was right and I showed it to her. She was being a bit "you have to do it" type thing and I showed her that, ok, i'll do it but I shouldn't be doing it because I was told not to.
It was a good moment.
I also wrote an email to my boss outlining that I want to do more. Learn more and progress in my work.
So I left tonight feeling alot more positive.

My mums comming down for the weekend. I'm really looking forward to it. Just with her sitting with me and talking, sitting on the couch. She'll tickle my foot or hand.
I miss her. I miss her when I'm sick. It's just nice to have someone who cares about you there. Arr - gotta luv ya mum :)

My Dogs great, Damon, I love waking up to him and comming home. He's sad at the moment cos he hasn't been out for a walk in ages and he's going around the bend.

I'm hairdressing tomorrow, Mk messaged me tonight and hoped that I was feeling better.
That's really nice, It's just nice that people care.
Considering that my other boss didn't say a word. Nothing. Not even how are you feeling? when I got back. That's poor. Really Poor.

I care about all my friends. I think about them and I'm wanting to know about what's going on with them.

I really enjoy hairdressing on Saturday. It gives me a chance to talk and be in a friendly, warm, caring environment. Who wouldn't want to go to work if it's like that??



I better go M*A*S*H awaits.

A Happier me :))

Today was a better day.
I actually talked and smiled!!!

It's the first day in a week and a half that I didn't wake up with a headache!

Two people Had a domestic today at my work and they argued and got louder and louder.
I thought it was all a joke and I was laughing at them because of the amusment of the conversation. I didn't realise that they were serious until it got heated and both smiles were off there faces and voices were getting harsh. One female and one male. It was amusing, they were like a bickering brother and sister.


I'm soooooo glad I got my computer back!!!!!!!!!
AND getting better!

A Rant, A Vent and now I feel - Ok

Sheesssshhhh,,,,,,
I’m too tired to get into all the details of the past week but they will come believe me!
I’ve been sick for a week and a half and still ongoing. And … I’m still at work this week.
I shouldn’t be. I feel like crud.

I’ve finally got a new lap top and it’s a lot better then my old one.
I’ve missed my blog… posting…. It’s really like a mental outlet. Somewhere to let out my thoughts. Feels good. Makes me feel more like me again – So to speak.
I‘ve been writing in a journal but no one reads that – well there not meant to and I don’t hold back – again so to speak.
But I like my blog.
I like reading everyone elces too!!! I found myself wondering how Scott was with his schooling/job and how Sara was with her pregnancy… I think I’ve got a little involved in Blogging… But hey that’s me.

Ok well hear it is work wise.
It’s been terrible.
The woman who sits behind me, for some unbeknown reason hates me.
I have tried my hardest, gone the extra mile have tried everything and yet she still treats me like a dirty mat that she takes pried in to walk over me.
It has almost demolished any confidence in myself and made me feel guilty, a liar and a bad person. I’ve got nothing to feel guilty about! Ok so I was caught by her using the Internet for less then FIVE MINUTES using my email. I have felt so guilty that I can’t bear to even log on to the Internet because I feel guilty!!! Even if it is in my own time! Because that day I hadn’t had a lunch break, I had completely done EVERYTHING AND I had looked for things to do – nothing was to be done.
When she “caught me” she said “ Karen. You should do that in your own time.”
I told her that I had completed everything and was all up to date AND I had NO LUNCH!!!!
I think she was surprised that I responded, as I usually don’t talk. At all.
“It dosen’t matter. It still doesn’t look good”
“Ok”
“I won’t tell Jean (the boss) about this”
“You won’t?”
“No”
Huh???? Like hell you won’t!!!!!! I know she told everyone.
I knew that I wasn’t meant to be on personal email at work but it’s less then five minutes!!!
I put it down to her being on a power trip.
She does that quite often.
I had from last Tuesday till Friday off and I could only work for an hour on Saturday before I had to go home. I was really sick.
Anyway. Tonight – fifteen minutes before the end of the day. I wrote a text message – again everything was up to date and completed. Nick just a guy who works under Jane (mean woman) He says “Oh – Kaz – texting in work hours, You should be working…” I glare at him. Because of the situation. Jane could hear him he practally told the whole office- just being funny. Now he’s a nice guy so when he saw my face he quickly followed it up with “ I’m just joking!!!”
I shake my head.
“Don’t you start.” I said warningly.
“It’s a joke!” He laughed, I smiled.
I said it quite loudly. Once I said it I thought Jane heard me – I don’t care.

This job is doing my head in.
It’s mind numbing. It’s boring and hears the catch. I work for my boss – Jean.
If I was to get promoted I would be working under Jane. She has made it clear – what I think is that she doesn’t want me in her “team”.
Some team!! They bitch about everyone!!! And it happens as soon as they walk out the door!!!
I have come back through that door two times and once they had to tell me that they were talking about me because it was just too obvious. Jane was standing up talking to everyone and I walk in and it stops.
So I was told about that one. The other one – You just know.
So it’s been pretty hard.
I’m worth more then my scummy wage and brain dead job.
I want more, but do I really want it there??
Being sick and not being able to go out has really got to me too.

I wanted to go to all these things and I have no energy to.
It’s a little better today but I can’t walk around for more then ten minutes without sitting down to rest.
Sux but oh well.
This is a really long post.

I brought a new Guitar! Josh has been put under my bed to be brought out on occasions and my new guitar has taken over.
I love it!!!! I haven’t been able to play it much due to my 24/7 headache but it sounds soooo nice J


I feel like I’ve vented.
I feel better.

When I wasn’t sick about three weeks ago I met this Irish guy Ian – I think I mentioned him. Well his friend (also from Ireland) Dave has arrived too.
I’ve seen Ian around a few times and I showed him some of my writing. He kept saying he wanted to see it – so I did. He was really positive and gave me confidence.
He also gave constructive citizen. Which was also needed.
I’ve been writing heaps.
I’ve got a melody that I like but can’t get the words out just yet.
There’s talk that Dave and I will possibly meet up and bounce ideas off each other…
Would be good considering that Maz has gone for a walk and fell off the face of the earth. Stupid girlfriend – can’t jamm with him now! - but I understand.

Being friends with travellers is good cos nothing can ever happen as you always know that they are Travellers.

I drank about two litres of Orange Juice today. Maybe more….mmm Orange Juice….

Arrhhh….my little computer how I missed you ;)