comming back ...

I need a full time job. I need to get money and I need to have some form o routine in my life.
I decided this after I lost two days work and still need to pay off my credit card.
Hmm... Where to now.
I think about going to a clairvoyant just to give me some sort of hope or I guess answers but I know that it doesn't work that way but the one I saw a few years ago has been really spot on with quite a few things, which yes, they can be related to a few things but it's really bazaar.
I went and saw Jack perform last night in his band. He's got talent -and good hair (thanks to me) - well hey, I thought it looked good so I'm taking the credit :).
I saw Justin from the other night and it was really good to speak with him too.
I no longer feel like i'm bangging my head on a wall with learning the guitar.
It's looking up and being fun again, inspiration and determination.
I'm looking forward to doing nothing this weekend, well not having really late nights and sleeping, looks good altho I'm hoping to see Justin perform on Saturday night. He's Good value :)
Hey hears a thought feeling lonely? - get a cat, I love mine and she's always happy to see me.

Crap,crap and more crap

It's been sooo hot today and I haven't felt like doing anything. Which is good because it's going with my mood.
The whole "can't be stuffed thing" goes real well in this whether.
I think a persons living environment contributes about 98% to how they are as a person. Well maybe in my case.
I hate being in a situation where I only have one or two options. Live where I am and put up with everything or work full time pay rent and get the hell outta hear.
I don't want to do either one. Working full time when I don't know what I want to do is hard, you can't really do that as a hairdresser. The third option is to stay and bare it for another four months. At least. Blah. Shit option.
But I do look at it and think it's a really small issue compared with the world and I am very grateful for what I have. Then I think, just put up with this, at least you have a bedroom. Even if you do live with a controlling psychopathic child, who's 26 but acts like a 5 year old.
I'm going out tonight hopefully it looks up.
Why this? Why now? Why...??? .Humple.

Nothing ever stays the same

I think I've changed and unfortunately not for the better - I think.
Since I got back from overseas, I've felt... Different.
How can I say - it's like, I don't care about things in the way I did before.
I mean I still feel for things and people but I guess things have changed.
Nothing ever stays the same, I wouldn't want it to, but I think a slight change in lifestyle could be needed. Less smoking, sleeping tablets, caffeine late nights and really late weekends. More exercise, health juice and I guess more God time.
The late nights trigger the caffeine during the day, the sleeping tablets knock me out because I'm to pumped with caffeine to sleep and the rest of the time well some situations need assistance.
Anyway I'm trying to see God in all of this. Maybe in time I'll know.
Anyway.
Fun day today,Progress! Jack came round today and taught me how to play major and minor chords on my guitar.
I did a fantastic cut and color on him, looked fabulous. Helps that he can wear the type of style I gave him and he looks great. He's good advertising for me.
I also did a straightening on Jay today that went well too.
I love it when things go right.
Blog spot kinda strange, when you read others you almost feel like you know them but you don't. You feel for them, yet you've never spoken.
I just read on another blog about this guy, Wes, his granmother died and I felt really bad for him. Weird huh?
I watched Loves brother last night on DVD and it was crap. Then I tried another Australian movie and that lasted about 20min. Not worth it.
I'm off watching Jacks band on Thursday and Work "on street" tomorrow night.
kinda fun week ahead.

Mondays are like Fridays to me

Oh my God! I guess that some people just LOVE to gossip, and how things get turned around,upside down and inside out. I had to walk away today at work because I would just rather not know who said what to who and what outcome MAY be and what was... Sorry - not interested in any of that - as I have always said unless you can say it to the persons face then it's better off not saying anything.
Anyway.
Jay mentioned that he would like to come to church. I think that's great but I'm hesitant only because I don't know how people would accept him. I mean he's FABULOUS, He's sooo nice and I know that their are Christians out there who are strongly against people being Gay. I don't think it's a choice but you accept everyone the way they are, as Jesus did but I don't know - I may be concerned about nothing.
Jack says he's comming around tomorrow with guitar - I still don't believe him.
Altho he did confirm it...I still don't believe it till I actually see him.
I paid off a T.V and DVD I had on lay away. It's great, now I have less and less reason to come into the house. Maybe a phone and kettle next on the list...
My brother Lies so much. There's nothing he won't lie about.
Thea` rang yesterday and it was so nice to hear her voice, she was a bit down and the phone cut her off mid sentence.
Thinking about going overseas again but it will all be a thought until I pay off all debts.

Dilly - a delightful or excellent person or thing

Had a really good night last night. I went to lentil as anything with Mich. It was good, I've never been to a restaurant that you pay as much as you feel.
Afterwards we listened to the poetry which is performed outside the restaurant.
I've walked away feeling inspired and thinking anything goes. All my stuff seems to either be or get really cynical then I think it gets boring and I don't think it would be good enough for anything.
I think your the worst critic of your own work.
There was a really funny, talented guy who really got the crowd going. Justin Heazlwood, I got his CD, he's really good, very funny even if he does take the micky out of people, he does it so well!
There was a lot of different types of spoken word, poetry and a good techno /something with a didgeridoo definitely different but good.
I love watching and listening people play the guitar.
I've walked away with new ideas and insight to what I can possibly do with the stuff I've already got and what I can think up. I don't think I could ever stand up and perform but I like to write it anyway.
I came home and worked on my guitar, progressing slowly but it's fun trying new ways to express words and music whilst not having much of an idea how to , but I think that's just part of it.
Work was good today. I love the fact that I really love cutting guys hair. It's shorter but you can do so much with it. Different looking styles with the one cut and taking Mr Average to Mr Dam Hot in about 45 minutes including showing him how to style it at home. I really love it! Being in a good mood helps put out some of your best work too :-)
I'm thinking I like to do more of the "music bands" type of hair cuts. That and the "summer/surf" messy look. Messy and/or different.
Colors! I think everyone should have some sort of color in their hair. It looks sooo much better and can really change a look.
I had my hair cut today - a little different but it's what I wanted. It's short on one side then on a sharp angle going to long on the other side.
Who cares what it looks like, it's a change.

That's Mr Jackass.

I wasn't going to name my friend who keeps repeating the reasons which makes me wonder if anyone, especially males, can actually keep their word about anything. So lets call him, Jackass - or Jack for short.
Now Jack said that he would come round today or I'll go see him. Either way. He's said this so many times and ALL with the same result of him not keeping his word and myself left wondering... I knew he would do this. I knew it. It didn't surprise me in the slightest that he didn't show. No word till 3 hours later when a text came through " I slept in, sorry"
Whatever. It's gotta be a record. Telling someone you'll meet up then twelve hours later do a no show.
Well that's my crap moment today.
But I went shopping with my engaged friend and looked around at T.V's and stoves for her house. She leaves next week. There's another best friend going off to start the next chapter in her life.
I'm going out tomorrow night to a poetry night of some sort. Should be good.
I'm hoping I can get a few different ideas from the night.

Confrontation and love

I have just confronted a person who I had been avoiding for nearly eight weeks now, and let me tell you it's the best feeling to get things out in the open, patch things up and be able to move on.
Tears,anger,tears,talking and in the end love. Gods works.
So many people avoid confrontation all the time and I can't see how they can do it.
This was the first time for as long as I can remember, really, avoiding even going to the extreme and not answering the phone - which I have never done before.
After feeling like crap and then topping it off with the worst week ever(last week) to now feeling and being able to move forward. Thank God life goes on.
It's funny how something so small can turn your world around on it's head then have it flipped back over in little over an hour.
Everything seems so simple again.
Now I can look forward to going out on Thursday,Friday and Saturday, with nothing in my mind making me think and be a thousand miles away and not concentrating on what I'm doing. That will be good for my clients! I know that I haven't done my best work in the past week...opps - You know that there's something not right when that happens.
Now I can go and finally get a good nights sleep without being it being drug induced!!!

Happy Single Awareness Day

I sit hear shaking my head.
I am so glad that last week has ended. Today too.
I really HIGHLY RECOMMENDED putting yourself in someone else's shoes and thinking "hmm... How do I feel?"
My Saturday night really brought this feeling home for me.
What's the point - may I ask - is being in a relationship, whether it be fresh and just starting or long term, Why keep options or "doors" open to others?!!!?This being flirtatious, insensitive and ...Wrong. SO very Wrong. Friends can be friends, the line shouldn't be broken or even bent.
What's the deal?
So in short of this. It really concludes my love for not wanting a relationship or anything for that matter! It really devalues a person when you start to find out what they are really like. Good thing the friendships and this persons "communication is the key" is all still in tact...
St Kilda festival was good. Heaps of people, music and culture.
Great to have a good night with Jay again and forget last week.
Anyway.
Life goes on.

Dreams and T.V

I think we all watch t.v before we have gone to bed at some point in our lives and had a dream based around what we watched.
Well last night was no different. I watched a show on cable about "The miracle of birth"
Sorry no miracle there! It got lost in the pain, blood and guts!
Anyway, I had a dream that I was the pregnant one and was waiting for labor to start. It didn't. The whole dream I couldn't stop thinking "Oh my God I can't believe in pregnant!" then feeling like I was so anxious because I didn't want it and the father wasn't there, I think I was waiting for him to come, I never know who the father is in these dreams. It's like there isn't one.
The labor didn't start so I was sent home to wait for the father and the labor and I couldn't stop thinking "oh no what have I done". My life is gone!
I woke up with this "oh no what have I done" feeling then it's like hang on - I'm not pregnant, am I? I roll over and properly wake up - Oh, Relief, it's just a dream.
Thank God.
Stupid really.
I'm feeling a tad guilty for being abrupt to "Steelo" and putting him in my blog but no feelings were ment to be hurt.
The` reassured me about the whole situation, as best friends do, but you can never reassure yourself completely sometimes.
I'm not making any link what so ever to these top two paragraphs. Nothing. Nadda. Zip.

Country living

There is such crap on T.V these days, I'm listening to channel 9 which my mum is watching that Mc Clouds Daughters,right after Home and away and just before Blue Healers. Now that sounds like quality watching...Not quite.
Hmm...Sleep. I got sleep today. It's great, I wake up feeling partly back to normal again.
I got a text message at 9am from the friend who was going to go through the guitar today. Surprise, surprise not going to happen.
I also got a call from "steelo" the country boy yesterday. I left my phone in my car so I missed the call but I sort of think - Huh? Why is he still calling?
I think my mums put a bit of a dent of her country life with her neighbours.
She had an arguement with the man down the road about his 15 your son driving a "paddock bomb" car up and down the street.
My brother was trying to pull her away from this getting heated argument but in fine form they continued. I believe "You stupid old bag" came from the once "nice" man but I'm sure she gave back, which in her story she didn't go into details.
Finally my brother dragged her away saying "Don't ever have an arguement with someone when their holding a hammer in their hand!"
I don't think she'll be borrowing a cup of sugar from them!
I don't know what she thinks sometimes.
I could never live in the country, I'm thinking the city is a better place to be.
Bronson the Border collie seems not to leave my side when I'm hear. He's so cute. Dumb as all hell, but I think that adds to his cuteness.
Watching dancing with the stars last night. It's great to know how to dance, it would be nice to go and do it again, but it's not high on my to do list. I think after you do it 4 or 5 times a week and find more unreliable people/partners it's not worth the hassle. But it is a lot of fun.
I saw a mug today at the shops, written on it was : The more men I know the more I love my cat, or something along those lines.

Tomorrows another day

It's stupid how someone can crush you like an ant when they are angry and it only takes a text message. As I always said, don't ever write something in a text message if your to gutless and can't say it either to the persons face or if they are interstate at least over the phone.
Family. Being roped into the middle of a very ugly family situation really sux.
In turn I have had a really crap day where nothing has turned out right and everything that comes out of my brothers mouth makes me be really rational and walk around the house slamming doors. Yep, only family really know how to push those buttons.
My poor brother gets the brunt of it all -( but needless to say he doesn't help the situation.)
I think lake of sleep really kills a persons personality.
Anyway.
Tomorrows another day.
The St Kilda festival is on this weekend. Jay and I are going to go check out what's on. Last couple of years have been good.
I haven't heard from "steelo"... :-) at least that thought makes me smile, but then again I wasn't very nice to him so work that one out?
I'm up at my mums tonight. Her dogs are funny, - day ja vu!!! Again!
Got that the other day - weird.
She has a cat too, the cat walked up to the little fat slug looking Maltese X and sat down then belted the crap out of her!!! and the stupid little runt didn't move away!!! It looked funny but no damage was done.
Fustration on the guitar at the moment.
I'm supposedly meeting a friend tomorrow to show me a few things.
I'm not holding my breath - he's like that and with his track record and a few others too I don't really expect anyone to stick to there word until it actually happens.
Yea! - my hair turned out - I think I'll walk around with purple hands for the rest of the week but that's ok :-)
I gotta go get some much needed sleep.

My weekend...

Well Friday wasn't all bad. It passed and it was ok. I'm glad I saw Em before she left.
Friday night was good with volunteer work. Saw people who I haven't seen since I had come back.
I came home at around 12.45am and I think I was asleep at 1.20am. I guessing this because at 1.30am my mobile rang. Huh? Who calls at 1.30 in the morning!?! - unless I had just seen them an hour before. I looked at the screen "steelo". The boy from the country.
"Hi "steelo", what are you doing calling at 1.30 in the morning?!"
"Hi, I thought you would be in the city -"
"No. I'm in bed."
"Oh."
"Where are you?"
"Walking home, between Box Hill and Burke Rd"
I'm thinking that's a quite a distance to walk...
I continued "I thought of you today"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, but the thoughts were a bit more pleasant then what they are right now."
"oh - Well I better be off and let you get some sleep"
"Ok, see ya later."
I think I sounded a bit mean to him, but I was tired and had to get up and work the next morning and wasn't in the mood to just chat at that time. In the morning. I think he might think twice before he decides to call again. Oh well.
I had another fantastic night last night.
Work was really crap - lack of sleep and patience then having to deal with fricken clients who were either argumentative or psychotic!!! I had one client who was really nice and another who gave me his "call me" business card, But one of the psychos` who wanted a perm and no cut,maybe trim,storm out of salon, come back in, complain, huffy huffy then sit down tight pursed lips and shitty and STILL got her hair cut!!! She obviously had underling issues but hey don't take them out on your hairdresser!
Anyway Jay came round and I colored his hair didn't work which was as I thought and he cut mine.
We were tired but got ourselves revved up to go out - just for an hour. This was at 11pm.
Two clubs, A drag show and lots of stage dancing later it was 3am. Home by 3.30 and asleep by 4.30am.
So much for an early night, but we had a ball!!!
I wear my Christian fish necklace all the time. Those who know what it means usually say nothing but those who don't question it.
I wore a white top which made my necklace more obvious. I was walking into the X change when the door (huge guy in Drag) person stamps my hand I knew what was coming -
"How's about a tip?"
"You'd look better in fish nets" (stockings) I say and laugh. He smiled
"They broke, - Hey you know that's the symbol for born again Christians??"
"Well - I'm not born again."
A line was forming behind me and I walked through.
I was wondering before I went out if I should of taken off the necklace but I figured, well no, I have my beliefs but I'm not narrow minded as some people perceive Christians to be.
I saw one guy wearing a cross around his neck later on that night but I don't think he was gay, he seemed kinda uncomfortable.
There were heaps more straight people last night.
Jay asked what I was up to tonight and I told him I'm going to church he smiled "Really?"
"Yeah".
I've surprised a few people like that lately. I don't think it's that strange.
Anyway - I took lots of photos and the memories are great.
Work today was good. I only made $107 where as last week I made $314.
Which was good cos I like to be busy and I like to look productive but you get slow days.
I came across a pregnant 22yo client today - nice girl doing it a little harder then others. Geezz she needed to talk. More underling issues with the surprise baby and having to work on the relationship with her now Fiancee,renting,not working,living week to week, stopping education - sigh. I think from my own view, that is hard. When people need to talk to someone that's when I'm glad that I'm a hairdresser.

My weekend...

Feeling that vibe

I'm starting work back at a salon which I had worked at before just for a little while before I left to go over seas.
Everyone I think has some kind of vibe. You know if they are approachable or not - happy, anxious etc..
I walked back into this salon and the Vibe was really
uncomfortable. It was edgy, tense and it was like I felt everyone was annoyed at something. Heaps of people have left the salon so it will slightly different but since I walked in to say that I'm looking for work on Tuesday, I've had two nightmares and been dreading going back to work there, things we put up with for money it sux but I'll have to just do it.
I really don't want to go.
I start tomorrow. I'll just have to smile and ignore any crap talk that goes on.
I'm good at that - just let things go over my head and not really take in to much.
- I got a text this morning from "Steelo" this morning. I wasn't really expecting him to have any contact with me now that "The`" has gone back to the States.
Hmm...Not sure where that will head to.
Looking forward to the weekend. Work's fun and busy. I've been getting the text message "So what are you doing for the weekend?"
My Usual response "Working,all weekend" - I'm really glad I work on the weekends. Most people work during the week and usually go out and do dinner or something together and the weekend but I can't - "I'm working"
Which I am but it can be worked to my advantage.
My guitar usually keeps me occupied for hours on end. Saturday nights have been my time with that. Altho now it seems i've hit another wall with it but slowly working through it.
Blah - dreading tomorrow.
At least I'm out on street and get to see friends :-)
I love Kylie's new song - I believe in you kinda repetitive but good vibes ;-)
Radio just said Two Tribes March 13th...hmm... do I need to create a new memory for that one?

Zoo day

I went to the zoo today with Jay, and had another great day. It's so nice to find someone you click with.
It was raining the whole day but nothing an umbrella and jacket wouldn't fix.
Next stop will be Werribee open range zoo.
One of my best friends ,AG, who recently got engaged came round today and showed me her rock - really nice. She asked me to be her bridesmaid - yeah! Exciting but it won't be for ages so there's time to wait.
My other best friend "The`" left to go over seas this morning. She's gone for about one and a half years. I hope she doesn't find herself an American boyfriend...
Last night we went and watched a DVD at Elliott's.
I don't think I'll ever do or be involved in any of the "shinnanaggins" that go on.
Boys will be boys.
Needing money I've had to go and work another one or two days. So now I have Tuesday and Wednesday as my days off but it's still pritty good I don't have to work Monday if I don't want to and I just have to tell them week to week if I'll be there.
Now I'm going to go and spend the rest of the night playing my guitar.
Not to well -but I still really like it. There's NO way I'm going to play for anyone I still haven't told most of my friends. But they don't know about my blog yet either :-)

Getting the point

Why is it so hard for people to believe that I'm really not interested in A) Finding a boyfriend and
B) starting any kind of relationship.
I didn't think it's that strange...But when I'm asked, the reaction is always the same "Really? - Why?" This was the case last night when My best friend thinks i'm in denial hence her and her new boy "friend" trying to start something - anything with his best friend. I'm not into being a "Friend" who offers casual sex,kissing and physical/emotional comfort to some one, just to get the warm fuzzy feeling - which I think curling up next to my cat with her little paws on my arm and falling asleep to the sound of her breathing and purring is actually rated highly on the "feel the love" scale.
It irritates me.
What ever happened to actually getting to know someone for more then two weeks before you decide to get together and devote your time to them. I've tried to explain my theory once that it takes a long time to really get to know someone. I'm thinking about a year maybe more. You like them but you want to see the "real" them.
What's better then to see them in the normal everyday kinda situations with friends or together just as friends. You get to know them without that love blinding crap that puts a blur on reality. If over the time you still have feelings for them, then go for it but only if the times right.
On the other hand if you fall for their looks but they are really pricks with an attitude to match, the good thing is that over time they can and do become quite ugly.
I'm more interested in enjoying myself with my friends who I love and not caring about any sort of relationship.
I don't need someone to hold my hand because I can't be alone or do things by myself.
That's the point - I like being able to have friends but if they are busy or whatever the case may be, I'm happy to do certain things solo. I've never done the whole movie thing by myself but i've never wanted to.
Maybe it comes from having a really independent and strong mother.
I've done it again written to much, But this really irritates me.
Hopefully people will get the point.