Blurred thoughts...
So much for work today. I was woken up at 5am by my best friend telling me that she was in hospital with an ear infection. 5AM!!!!!!!!! I went to bed at 7.30pm and couldn't get to sleep but I was soooooo tired.
I took two sleeping tablets and I think I fell asleep around 11.30pm.
So I arrived at work, my boss again doesn't mention anything about me being away.
Nothing. A few people asked how I was.
Now hears what I find out. One of the guys has "left" and it's not spoken about so I have no idea what went on there. It was all fine before I left.
My boss is complaining that she now needs more staff. She's talking about bringing in outside people, your averavge "Joe" so to speak and putting them into a position that you usually have to work your arse off to get the promotion!!!
Hello!!!! Intelligent female sitting down frount wasting away in a crap position and has been there for FOUR MONTHS!!!!! Knows a bit more about the company then an "outsider"!!!!!
I'm not told anything. I have expressed my intrest to move up verbally and written yet they are about to put on a new guy on Wednesday!
WHAT THE!!!!
I was tired when I heard them talk about the recruitment of more staff.
I wanted to just say "What about me??!!!"
But because I was so tired and not in the best of moods, I left it as it was because they may have something else in store for me. But I'm REALLY doubting it.
I don't know but at the end of all this I'm not promoted I leaving.
Hears the catch.
I left work today at 1pm. I couldn't stay I was exausted.
I mentioned that I might do half days because I can't handle full days.
I think it's time to have a "meeting" but it looks really bad, me being in a position where I can't even stay a full day.
One guy said today "thank God your back"
"That's nice to hear"
But I sit at my desk today - it's not busy, i'm tired and there's NOTHING TO DO!!!!!
I have to remember that I can't leave without having another job to go to. My car loan has really stopped me from throwing it in today.
I don't think I'll be promoted. The woman who sits behind me I really doubt that she want's me in her "team".
If that's the case at the end of the day - It's not worth staying in a job where it's a brain dead job with no room for growth.
I want to learn. I want to grow.
I'm missing Damon. Mum said that he was looking for me in my room where I stay.
I was going to buy him a bone when I stoped & remembered that he's not at home.
Rusty sent me a message last night and said he was going to call tonight.
Yeah - Whatever.
Thing is that I'm feeling like I want someone to be around.
Rusty I know will be that person - quite happy to but I feel that if I say ok come round, cook me dinner (he's offer) hang out and chat - I feel that I'm leading him on. Even though nothing would happen.
I'm only human. What to do.
Can't we just be friends? Can't he just get a girlfriend so that would take the "tension" out of the maybe, maybe not - the always a possibility if we are both single.
Blah. Make sense?
I want someone to lean on.
I had a dream last night that I was talking to Eve. Talking about life I can't remember exactly what. He turned around and said something like"Oh, yeah,oh."
It was like he didn't care. He kept to himself and didn't really open up when I was "seeing" him. So in the dream I thought to myself - Sigh. What was I thinking.
Because we were together in my dream. Like, we had been gooing out for six months or a year. Awhile.
I don't want to be with anyone while I feel like this. But I guess it's the time where you become most vunerable.
I guess I just have to keep my eyes fixed on what can lie ahead rather then live in the now.
Why do I always do that??
I've got to have something to look forward to. Either a goal or something to keep my spirits high. Maybe that's why I feel like I do. My goal to better myself in the company has been squashed. What do I look forward to now?
I want to go overseas but not for at least a year.
It's out of my reach at the moment but it's something I look to.
I need money. My fantastic boss and work mates at the hairdressers would probably put me on full time but I don't think I want to do that full time.
I just want to learn more. I hate not learning.
Night school... a possibility.
This Glandular fever has just knocked me for six and I get tired. I can't do to much now and it's fustrating. SOOOO FUSTRATING!!!
I love being busy. Life in general. I like to play sport, I like to walk my dog, go out and listen to poetry, see friends, talk! I like to interact with people.
Now being so tired, my patience level has dropped and I haven't got the energy to go out.
I feel like crying. I feel like a mess. Well in truth I feel a bit better now I have typed it out.
But something will happen. This has got to work out somehow.
I took two sleeping tablets and I think I fell asleep around 11.30pm.
So I arrived at work, my boss again doesn't mention anything about me being away.
Nothing. A few people asked how I was.
Now hears what I find out. One of the guys has "left" and it's not spoken about so I have no idea what went on there. It was all fine before I left.
My boss is complaining that she now needs more staff. She's talking about bringing in outside people, your averavge "Joe" so to speak and putting them into a position that you usually have to work your arse off to get the promotion!!!
Hello!!!! Intelligent female sitting down frount wasting away in a crap position and has been there for FOUR MONTHS!!!!! Knows a bit more about the company then an "outsider"!!!!!
I'm not told anything. I have expressed my intrest to move up verbally and written yet they are about to put on a new guy on Wednesday!
WHAT THE!!!!
I was tired when I heard them talk about the recruitment of more staff.
I wanted to just say "What about me??!!!"
But because I was so tired and not in the best of moods, I left it as it was because they may have something else in store for me. But I'm REALLY doubting it.
I don't know but at the end of all this I'm not promoted I leaving.
Hears the catch.
I left work today at 1pm. I couldn't stay I was exausted.
I mentioned that I might do half days because I can't handle full days.
I think it's time to have a "meeting" but it looks really bad, me being in a position where I can't even stay a full day.
One guy said today "thank God your back"
"That's nice to hear"
But I sit at my desk today - it's not busy, i'm tired and there's NOTHING TO DO!!!!!
I have to remember that I can't leave without having another job to go to. My car loan has really stopped me from throwing it in today.
I don't think I'll be promoted. The woman who sits behind me I really doubt that she want's me in her "team".
If that's the case at the end of the day - It's not worth staying in a job where it's a brain dead job with no room for growth.
I want to learn. I want to grow.
I'm missing Damon. Mum said that he was looking for me in my room where I stay.
I was going to buy him a bone when I stoped & remembered that he's not at home.
Rusty sent me a message last night and said he was going to call tonight.
Yeah - Whatever.
Thing is that I'm feeling like I want someone to be around.
Rusty I know will be that person - quite happy to but I feel that if I say ok come round, cook me dinner (he's offer) hang out and chat - I feel that I'm leading him on. Even though nothing would happen.
I'm only human. What to do.
Can't we just be friends? Can't he just get a girlfriend so that would take the "tension" out of the maybe, maybe not - the always a possibility if we are both single.
Blah. Make sense?
I want someone to lean on.
I had a dream last night that I was talking to Eve. Talking about life I can't remember exactly what. He turned around and said something like"Oh, yeah,oh."
It was like he didn't care. He kept to himself and didn't really open up when I was "seeing" him. So in the dream I thought to myself - Sigh. What was I thinking.
Because we were together in my dream. Like, we had been gooing out for six months or a year. Awhile.
I don't want to be with anyone while I feel like this. But I guess it's the time where you become most vunerable.
I guess I just have to keep my eyes fixed on what can lie ahead rather then live in the now.
Why do I always do that??
I've got to have something to look forward to. Either a goal or something to keep my spirits high. Maybe that's why I feel like I do. My goal to better myself in the company has been squashed. What do I look forward to now?
I want to go overseas but not for at least a year.
It's out of my reach at the moment but it's something I look to.
I need money. My fantastic boss and work mates at the hairdressers would probably put me on full time but I don't think I want to do that full time.
I just want to learn more. I hate not learning.
Night school... a possibility.
This Glandular fever has just knocked me for six and I get tired. I can't do to much now and it's fustrating. SOOOO FUSTRATING!!!
I love being busy. Life in general. I like to play sport, I like to walk my dog, go out and listen to poetry, see friends, talk! I like to interact with people.
Now being so tired, my patience level has dropped and I haven't got the energy to go out.
I feel like crying. I feel like a mess. Well in truth I feel a bit better now I have typed it out.
But something will happen. This has got to work out somehow.
posted by kaz at 5:48 PM
1 Comments:
Is it not funny how a dog will grow attach to people? I love dogs and I want to get one so bad but they require time and attention and as it is I am never home so I would be a bad dog owner. I thought about a cat because they are more able to be on their own but ... i like dogs.
If I could get a dog it would be a boxer the brown and white kind.
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