Tonight

I have to say. I'm feeling... a little ... well i'm coping.
I feel like my stomach is in a knot.
My brother comes home from work in about ten or fifteen minutes. A shudder goes down my arms and my chest tightens. My heart thumps. I have to get out and go spen the rest of the night in my bunglow.
I spent most of today at Mon's reading my book ( Selected poems by D.H.Lawrence) I finished it and I really liked it.
I spent most of the day there.
I just didn't want to be home. Poor Damon. He couldn't come.


I got a call from the job woman and I start training on Monday.
It’s only for three hours. Nothings permeant yet. It’s a casual job but I need something.
I think the training is a bit like, do you like it and do we like you. That lasts for about two weeks.

I feel more confident now that I have had experience on the phone, So I’ve got confidence in that part and I’m looking forward to learning something different.
I’m just a little stressed. Worried.
I think 80% of that is Eve. 85% even.

My friend had her baby….On Monday at 1.30am.
A little girl.
I found out on Wednesday. I was a little disappointed that I wasn’t told earlier.
She was coming home the day they told me.
I haven’t seen her I figured I’d give her space because everyone probably bombarded her and I can understand if she wants time to settle in and get into a routine.
I just didn’t want to be the last person to find out.
It seemed she had heaps of visitors in the hospital…
Oh well.

My hearts thumping and I’m upset. I feel on edge. I’ve felt this way all day.
I don’t like it.
I want to know if I’m going to see Eve. I asked him if he was coming into the shop on Saturday as he said he was and I got no reply.
So I don’t know.
I’ve got this wedding hair up to do tomorrow. Great. It’s money but the woman I’m doing it has way under charged. I told her my price and she said that we would split the earnings. I agreed at the time but No.
I get paid for what I do and it goes for her too.
I don’t do hair up or hairdressing at that matter just to be paid way under the going rate. AND I have to travel a long distance. I doubt it will even cover my fuel!

I need to get out more.
I hate not socialising, talking to people, friends.

A dark morning/day. I hate this.

I want to cry.
I wish I could change my situation, being living arrangments. I'm going crazy with my brother.
I want to cry but can't be bothered.
I'm sad today. I just want a break from my brother. I mean, just get away from him for a week or a year. Just get away as far as I can from him.
Eve. I want to know what's going on with him.
I feel so sad, I feel like I'm crying of the inside, that lump in throat, clenched jaw. I was tired today. I couldn't sleep. I lay down for awhile.
I woke up with a sore neck yesterday. It's still sore now.
This is a negitave, sad post.
My brother has gone to work. Thank God.
My mum has enough of him after a few days. Well I HAVE TO LIVE WITH HIM!!!!!
Ok, so now I'm crying. Great.

Procrastinating.....more and more

I haven’t text him yet…but the kitchen, my room, the family room are all clean and I’ve done a load of washing and now I’m procrastinating.
I stoped myself as I was cleaning and thought this is so typicall of me. I get anxious, stressed or worried and I clean.
I’ve got to do something.
My mind was racing at 100kmph and I couldn’t settle – I still can’t. I’m worried if he gets the message, then thinks she’s not worth it.
Mk told me I looked good today so that helped.
I have got confidence in myself but I’m scared of feeling the way I did when we were “together”.
Oh Blah.
Just do it what have you got to loose? Nothing. Deal with the rejection if it happens and move on.
Ok, I’ll text him now….

EVE ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

This is Bazaar.

How’s this for timing. I go for a run around a lake near my work with Damon. I thought I’d pop into work and pick up the hot rollers that Deb left for me.
So I’m talking to Mk and he says, “Hears your boyfriend”
“What?? Are you serious?? No way!”
“Gee, I haven’t seen him for about a month or more”
My eyes were huge, my heart started to pound. My cheeks went red knowing that I was about to talk to Eve.
I was sooooooo embarrassed!!!
Since I had walked Damon and gone for a run I changed my clothes and had put on a black boob tube sorta thing had on an oversized denim skirt on with a belt that - really, was no accessory.
My hair was all a frizz so I had put on my black beret` type thing stuffed my hair into it and pulled out some bits at the front. I had no bra on. No make up and wearing runners.
My thoughts when I put it on was, “oh, I’m just going to work I won’t see anyone I know”
Oh my God. I could have died!
I tried to fix myself up at work. I doused myself with Mk’s deodorant and cologne. Then I walked out.
We caught eyes.
He looked hot.
It was sooooo bazaar.
He was dropping in to see his brothers wife and her baby at there shop which is about five meters away form ours.
We smiled and he beckoned me to come and talk to him.
I took a deep breath and walked out to him. I sat down and we chatted. General things. Noted how weird it was that we bumped into each other.
No talk about our Three-week fling. I didn’t expect to – thank God!
Hears the thing. I went to the Bible study group last night and we were talking about how Christians do things that are “wrong”, know what they are doing or will do is wrong and still do it anyway because they will be forgiven.
I had to laugh to myself on that one! Yeah, Know what that’s about all to well! Temptation.
We talked for a little while. I was about to leave.
“What are you doing tonight”?
“Thinking about coming into the city…”
“Well text me, my client leaves at 10”
“You want me to text you? Hmmm…If I go out tonight I will”
(I was going to drop in on “Street Works”)
He wanted sex. I feel like this is all a test that God has conjured up.
I want to be good but …Why does it have to be up to the girl to say “no”???!!!
Anyway later on, Mk sends me a text saying that I should “probably stay away.”
I rang him and we spoke – I remember Eve had problems with Depression and such things and he wasn’t doing so well back then…..
So now I’m in a sticky position. I want to see him but I want to talk to him. Go out doors and just talk. No sex. Last time we spoke face to face he opened up to me about his past.
I just want to know him. Why do I have to care!!! Why can’t I just forget about him!
I guess I’ve never been able to turn my back on those who need someone to care.
I like caring. Oh…..
Eve said that he would come in on Saturday and get his hair coloured.
I hope he does.
Here’s the thing. When I was “With” Eve, I wasn’t myself. I was a bitch. True to the word.
I tried to make myself believe that I didn’t need him for anything more then sex. I had to cut my self off from him emotionally. I could only do that by being mean and not myself. I guess then I figured that he won’t like me God, I didn’t even like me!
I knew what I was doing. Trying to get him to not feel for me so it would be easier for me, not to like him.
Sigh. All it got me was a reputation with him and anyone who he told and I was left with regret and a sore heart.
I hated not being me.
As I have said before, I have two things in my life that I hate myself about. A) Was calling my best friend of 11 years a slut (ten years ago) and
B) Was writing in my journal about Matt and having the words “Get F***ed” in it.
I will never forget those two moments. When I felt BEYOND awful. I felt like crying.
I’m getting teary just thinking about it now!
How much that would hurt a person. I would be devastated if I read that about me! Or if I was called that!
So now I see him and I want to just be me. I care about people and I do care about him.
The whole situation is Bazaar.
Just last night I was feeling so… Needy for that someone. We speak about Christians who “fall”, I think about the whole Eve situation and think how I wouldn’t have sex with him again because I want to try to be “good”, I think how if I saw him again I wouldn’t sleep with him and BAM!!! 12 hours later we are both in the same place at the same time both not needing to be there, both just dropping in….
It’s bazaar.
I feel like God is saying, “you said you won’t but are you really serious about being true to me”
I’m a person of my word but I find it so hard when it comes to God in this situation!!!!
Desire, pleasure and mind-blowing sex or talk to him….
And I truly want to talk to him. I do want him but I don’t want to stir his emotions and screw him up as well as myself.
I guess there’s my answer. See it’s so better when you write stuff down. It makes you feel better and puts things into perspective.
I can’t kid myself into thinking I don’t care, when really I do.

I hope this all makes sense.

A scary night alone.

I'm watching "real crimes" it's scaring me....
I'm home alone and feel vunerable...
I've got Damon with me.... He's right under my feet.
....
.......
.........
I feel like cuddling up on the couch with that comfy feeling someone and just watching and loving the fact that they are hear with me.
.....
.......
.........
yeesshh.

Last night

Well I went last night and I’m glad I did.
It was nice to see Goosey, Maz and a few others.
I saw Dean again. Spoke awhile to him. He’s a sweet guy.
I put my foot in it last night mid conversation. The talk was about children and there was a young couple there, she was 18.
“Do you want kids?” One of the guys asked me.
“No way, Not till I’m at least 30 odd, I don’t – I’ll shut up right about now”
The father (22yo) was sitting listening.
I always seem to do that. It just makes me feel bad for the kids of the kids and them too.
22 yo may not be a kid to some but I think to have a baby at that age – well it’s way to young.

I went for a walk/run this morning with Damon.
He really is the best running partner. He keeps me running when I want to stop and makes me walk faster.
He came home, lay down and he has slept all day.
I feel good after the run. It was hard but I felt good afterward.

Second week on this “diet” and I’m getting better at cooking the stuff – well, everything is raw anyway but I still have to wash it.

29 althletes have officially gone AWOL .
News just in 6 were found on the main beach in Sydney!
Someone should have told them if you don’t want to get caught you just don’t go to the most known beach in Australia!!!!

Later...

I just got up from my "nap" I ended up sleeping for a bit over an hour.
I didn't go out.
Now i'm still tired but I'm forcing myself to go out and mingle with living people at a BBQ which Goosey and her BF are having.

I hate feeling like this.
I'm so anti social, tired and I know I need exercise. But I'm to tired to get up and do something about it. I'm a little worried about starting this job if I get it.
How am I going to work full time???
I worked three days last week and was wiped out.
Kez said that alot of people have asked about who did her hair and I told her it was ok to give out my phone number. I did this once before and it got to much for me working full time and doing hair at home, so I stopped it.

I might drag myself to the reserve and go for a walk, later on tonight.

What a stupid Doctor!!!!!

So I go to the doctors to get a medical certificate.
“I’ve been still really tired.”
“You had Glandular fever, that happens after that it’s common – We can give you something to help you feel better. I have used it and people go back to “normal” living almost straight away”
“What is it?”
“A course of steroids”
WTF!!!!
“NO. I was miss diagnosed for two weeks and was on drugs for a month.”
Grrrr.
He then turns to my file and looks at it.
Yes, you stupid man – it was YOU WHO MISDIAGONISED ME!!!! AND I HAD TO ASK FOR BLOOD TESTS TO DETCECT GLANDULAR FEVER!!!!!! YOU STUPID TOSS!!!!!! And now YOU think it’s a good idea to go on STEROIDS!!!!!!!!!
What a TOSS!!!
He realised at that point that it was him who stuffed up.

I only went to him because my usual doctor didn’t work today.

I’m going to have a nap so I can go out tonight.
I hope that I feel up to going.

I don’t at the moment.

Heh

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky. In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it. Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

One of the questions was Your in a restaurant and you decide that you want pizza rather then the pasta you orderd? What do you do?
I choose find a waiter and change it. - Taking into consideration that it wouldn't be ten minutes later two maybe.
That happened once with my ex once, akes me laugh about it now but he was in a bad crabby mood and was being rude,awful and just a prick.
I was with my best friend and her boyfriend. I felt sooo embarrassed by him.
Toss. Had a bee in his bonnet that day!

Red you say?

Your Hair Should Be Red

Passionate, fiery, and sassy. You're a total smart aleck who's got the biggest personality around.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

I don't know if I agree with this but...:))

A gross 24 hours

Well yesterday and today was a bit a of write off for this “Diet”. I had food poisoning started last night and lasted all day today. All I can eat is honey on dry cold toast.
I struggled through today at work. Concentrating really hard and cut myself and a client. I’m telling ya I’m not having much luck lately and I think half of the reason is because I’m tired and not concentrating. I really tried to concentrate today and was happy with what I put out.
I don’t know what will happen with the whole job thing because I’m tired. There’s nothing I can do.
And the little I can do I’m doing hence the “diet” and taking vitamins.

The commonwealth games ends tomorrow. Australia won of course but we all expected that and it’s been pretty good watching them.
Te heh – No one has found the missing athletes…:))
LOL! I think more have gone now!
In Sydney the total of unaccounted people was 80! Never found.
Good on em!

The guy who gave me his number last week walked past the salon today. He didn’t see me cos I was out at the time but I saw the back of him.
I never called.

Food poisoning is gross. So very very gross.

I know a person who is hitting the kids with a stick. Not just a thin stick but more like a bit of long thick wood that won’t break when it makes contact.
I tried to talk “jo” out of it. Saying the kids will grow up and hate you. Resent you. In your fury you won’t realise just how hard you are hitting them!
It didn’t get through. “Jo’s” Situation isn’t good. Sad. I feel for the kids.
I got belted when I was a child by my father but my brother copped it more and well – look at that relationship. My mother never hit us kids and I like to think if I ever had kids I wouldn’t either.
Especially not with a “STICK”!

I went to Mons today and bubbys getting a cold. I hope I didn't catch it of her tonight...

I’m very tired. I’m have to go to bed.

A thousand thoughts

Eeewwwww…..
Well I can write off today with this “diet” Not that I was that “bad” just more fruit and lunch – proportion size. I had a nap on the couch woke up felt a little hungry, thought a pear would be nice… Na. Five minutes later I was head in basin hurling up every thing from about lunch time onwards!
So I don’t feel to crash hot at the moment.
Bloated. Yuk.

I rang Ian yesterday. The Irish lad, seems that he got a job… as a chef.
Now speaking to him previously it seemed that he was more of a teacher of English and Literature. “I bulls****ed my way into a job as a chef.”
“But you’re not a chef??!”
“Arh, How hard can it be? I can cook, it shouldn’t be that hard…”
I laugh at this because – well, it’s funny. I just think of him there and someone saying I want seafood risotto or something and him asking them how to cook it or just feeling his way through it! Why not?! Know one knows him over hear, if worse comes to worst he gets fired and moves on.
Te heh.
Ewww… I’m feeling like a beached whale! Sooooo bloated…
I don’t think I’ll ever have another pear…. Ever!

I opened an account with e bay today. Trying to sell a pair of motorbike pants. I’m not 100% how it works but I guess I’ll find out.
I haven’t heard from that job… Feeling the way I do now – I don’t care.
I just pray that God continues to provide for me.
It’s funny. When I need the money, for food or bills etc, I get it. Someone will call wanting a haircut. I go to the shops buy what I need, the basics and when I get to the till I have the exact amount of money. To the cent. No more, no less.
I smile at this. That’s all I need.

I couldn’t sleep last night. It was another 2.30 night.
I hate it. I only have so many sleeping tablets left, I want more but I don’t want to become addicted to them.
I don’t know why I can’t sleep. I mean I’m tired I just can’t fall asleep.
I think too much.

I went to get government funding today. I HATE that feeling of going in there and having to apply. Feeling like a bum. It’s a bad situation.
I remember the feeling of having to go there last year. Shudder. It’s not exactly how you want to feel. Even tho I left on my own terms I still get penalized because I was too sick to work. I get a major cut into the allowance because “I can’t look for work” Whatever.

On a lighter note, my computer stuffed up today. I had to restore the… modem? I think that’s what I did, anyway – It worked! I was happy with myself.

My little Blog has had a beating. Two or three posts a day and nearly two pages of writing in each post. I think to much. I probably write to much with no substance. Do I care? Well. At the moment it's just a profile of my life as it is at the moment.
Boring. Tired. And at the moment, kinda sick.
I just really want to get back to my "normal" life. Work, get paid and go out and live a little.
I'm rambeling again.

The Commonwealth Games

Today I have been travelling doing hairdressing all today.
Foils then two haircuts.
Different places.
A little extra cash is nice and much needed.

I’m a little tired now, but ok.
I’m getting into the games now… didn’t think I would but I like watching them on T.V.

Six hours today

I worked today. I was right in thinking that it took the stuffing’s outta me.
I went to Mons and slept for an hour and a half then went back and help close the shop.
We had a good day. Debbie said, “We make a good team” – agreed.
It’s nice to hear that and our clients comment on how it’s a really friendly, happy environment. Makes an enjoyable visit – Even if I did stuff up a hair cut with laps of concentration … drops! :0 He didn’t know maybe his wife might… Sometimes it’s more obvious to the hairdresser rather then the client.
It wasn’t overly busy but we kept each other entertained.
I got chatting to a client and he gave me a tip.
It’s nice; I’m enjoying being myself and feeling happy.

This is day five of the “diet” and I can honestly say that I’ve – yes stuck to it but blown the proportion size. I don’t really care, but it says, “don’t eat large meals as it over works the liver.” Yeeahh. I’m still drinking lots of water so by morning I feel good. I’ve switched from dairy to soy. I’ve done that before and I always feel better. Not bloated and weighed down as such.
I’m enjoying preparing meals! That’s a first! I guess cos it’s so easy.
I’m saving money because I’m not buying lunch and dinner everyday, I’m thinking I’m benefiting from the change.

I looked up on overseas jobs and I may do a course in make up… It seems that if I had that, it would make getting a job easier.
With reception experience etc – It wouldn’t be that hard…I don’t think…

I have to go and sleep.
I think about leaving to go overseas and I feel like there is something to look forward to. I like that feeling. As always, I have to have something to look to in the future.
Does everyone have that?
I do it all the time. It’s like not living for now in a way. It’s just a journey till I get there. Then I get there and it would be – now what?
I get another ambition and I work towards that.
Is it just me or does everyone do that??


On Another note – Two athletes have “Gone missing” from the games! Team members haave no photo of them – anywhere and no identity for them!
I giggle at this as they are from two countries’, which are poverty stricken.
I can only imagine what they think. They take their passport, clothes and bag and take off! Good luck to you, I say!
The news has briefly picked it up but no major concerns just yet – come on now we are winning the games! No time for looking for two escapees! ;))

The kiwis have reassured me about their dance they religiously do before each game of RUGBY they play. This time it was against the Aussies. Yep, as true Aussies do we stood and watched their antics, looking on with a look of “I can’t say anything because I know everyone watching this thinks the same thing you all look like tossers”
Now, I know that there is something real remarkable and deep and meaningful about the whole thing but really, who knows what that’s about, unless they are a kiwi themselves and those who aren’t - don’t care.
Wow, this is from a chick that doesn’t like to put down people. Well hey – This is Rugby. No padding. No helmets. All contact.
Need I say more??

yeesshhh....... Not as I expected

Well, so much for my busy day.
It consisted of me doing three loads of washing, sheets and all that.
Cleaned the bathroom, washed Damon and spent about two hours cleaning up the flood I created in the laundry. Water went EVERYWHERE!!!!
I washed Damons bed and it started to float and bubble causing water to spill out.

I had to clean, mop, move the dryer, washing machine and it took forever.
I was very tired after that. I managed to made lunch then I crashed out on the couch and hear I am.

Were not going to have any more Bananas. I’m not a huge fan myself but sometimes it’s nice. The cyclone wiped out 90% of the crops.

The woman called regarding the job I went for,. She apologised that it’s taken so long but there moving offices etc she will call another reference before the end of the week and hopefully I’ll start training on Tuesday or Wednesday.
I’m not pinning my hopes on it. The reference may not be what she’s after.

I’m tired.

Yeesh.

A new day

It’s weird. Usually when I don't work I get extremely board and go a little crazy about not working but at the moment, I'm happy to report I’m not worried. I guess being that I sleep a lot and do little things helps.
Today I plan to wash Damon, Continue to clean out the spare room, clean my room, do a couple of loads of washing, fix/put on the door handle which fell off.
Walk Damon … who am I kidding???!!!!
If I do all that I’m not going to be able to work tomorrow! I don’t want to let down Mk and make Deb work twice as hard to pick up my load as well as her own.

I want to do a bit of gardening. How about I see how I go…

OMG!!! For years I have been going nuts at my brother for doing the boy thing and Missing aim at the toilet.
He now comes in and says “I know why I’ve been missing – There’s two streams at night”
“What!?? – How’s that different from the rest of the day?!?”
He smiles then laughs and tells me not to worry.
“Huh??!”
A little behind the eight ball – from a chick that took her dog to the vet for having a “swolen penis”
The penny dropped. “Doahh I don’t want to know this, God!”
He continues to laugh. Gross. It like thinking about you parents having sex … Eww – don’t go there.

Anyway I’m off to see how much I can do today without writing myself off for tomorrow.

Ciao

Another day another dollar

Today was – tiring. I went shopping, walked damon for 20 min, cut and coloured hair and cooked dinner.
I’ve just sat down and I feel like I need a foot massage. Standing for so long and being tired. Yeesh.

Aussies are blitzing the field at the games.

Ian the Irish lad, seems to be struggling a bit. I just wish I could do something to help him out.
Just what tho…

Still no job and finding it hard to comprehend working full time hairdressing. I mean I get tired after two hours try adding another six!
Just take it as it comes.

Day three and still on the diet. I really hate that word.
I want to go overseas but I just have to wait.

Day Two

Second day of liver cleansing diet.
I’ve been told I’ll last a week, but considering that I know people who have done it then I figure I can too.

I woke up to late today to go to church. I must have got up six times to go pee with this diet or get up to Damon who was hungry.
So I tried to sleep in the end I couldn’t get back to sleep and got up.
I took Damon for a walk at a park because I wasn’t feeling to bad. We walked for forty minutes, we came home and both of us lay down for a nap.
I was sooo tired. The nap wasn’t long enough. I got up and went shopping for food, cooked my dinner, feed the animals then sat down.
I was stuffed. I still am.
I watched the end of the Marathon for the Commonwealth games. An Aussie mum won it and it was a great run. The crowd in the arena went nuts when they saw it was an Aussie coming first. She had a kewi (NZ) on her heels but she out ran her.
It was such a feeling – Everyone was standing cheering her on.
Every Aussie who ran in got a massive ovation.
I admit it’s great to hold the games and blitz the field.

I once thought about running a marathon. Then I settled with half then I thought I would fix myself on the 14.2km run and work towards that.
I was finally on my way and actually ran/walked 14km with Damon and I felt shattered but I was ok. Damon was ready to keep going!!!
I was working myself towards my goal of running this run in April. My fitness was getting better and my goal was becoming a reality.
Then BAM!
In a matter of days I was so sick. I kept training as long as I could but I had to admit defeat. I couldn’t keep going. Glandular Fever took me and wrung every ounce of energy out of me.
So now I find that I walk with Damon for 20 minutes and fell exausted.
Today felt like a good day and we went for 40 but I could hardly bring myself to keep going for the rest of the day. It was only 3.30.
I’m not disappointed as such. I’m just taking it as it comes. I can’t really make plans a week ahead because I don’t know how I’ll feel.
Some days are better then others.

Gareth got me thinking last night. Back in the days of one of the three high schools I went to.
Things that stand out for me aren’t good, yet I feel that with out them I wouldn’t be who I am today.
The kids weren’t nice to me. Yet I don’t look back and cringe. I don’t hold any grudges against anyone. I was annoyed at myself for talking well of two guys.
I thought I really don’t care about them, I hope they all do something productive with themselves and are happy. Yet to Gareth I was just making conversation and spoke poorly about two guys who were a pain in the ass back then.
I felt so annoyed that I talked poorly about them.
Anyway – I was debating weather to call Gareth.
I mean – I hate “dating.” Just thinking about it makes me think I can’t be bothered.
Then a part of me says – why not? Just do it what have you got to loose?
I’ll sit on it for awhile.
It doesn’t seem like I going to get that job as Jack didn’t call the woman and she will only take over the phone references.
Hmm…
Memories are stired up. I just have to deal with it.

Day Two

Second day of liver cleansing diet.
I’ve been told I’ll last a week, but considering that I know people who have done it then I figure I can too.

I woke up to late today to go to church. I must have got up six times to go pee with this diet or get up to Damon who was hungry.
So I tried to sleep in the end I couldn’t get back to sleep and got up.
I took Damon for a walk at a park because I wasn’t feeling to bad. We walked for forty minutes, we came home and both of us lay down for a nap.
I was sooo tired. The nap wasn’t long enough. I got up and went shopping for food, cooked my dinner, feed the animals then sat down.
I was stuffed. I still am.
I watched the end of the Marathon for the Commonwealth games. An Aussie mum won it and it was a great run. The crowd in the arena went nuts when they saw it was an Aussie coming first. She had a kewi (NZ) on her heels but she out ran her.
It was such a feeling – Everyone was standing cheering her on.
Every Aussie who ran in got a massive ovation.
I admit it’s great to hold the games and blitz the field.

I once thought about running a marathon. Then I settled with half then I thought I would fix myself on the 14.2km run and work towards that.
I was finally on my way and actually ran/walked 14km with Damon and I felt shattered but I was ok. Damon was ready to keep going!!!
I was working myself towards my goal of running this run in April. My fitness was getting better and my goal was becoming a reality.
Then BAM!
In a matter of days I was so sick. I kept training as long as I could but I had to admit defeat. I couldn’t keep going. Glandular Fever took me and wrung every ounce of energy out of me.
So now I find that I walk with Damon for 20 minutes and fell exausted.
Today felt like a good day and we went for 40 but I could hardly bring myself to keep going for the rest of the day. It was only 3.30.
I’m not disappointed as such. I’m just taking it as it comes. I can’t really make plans a week ahead because I don’t know how I’ll feel.
Some days are better then others.

Gareth got me thinking last night. Back in the days of one of the three high schools I went to.
Things that stand out for me aren’t good, yet I feel that with out them I wouldn’t be who I am today.
The kids weren’t nice to me. Yet I don’t look back and cringe. I don’t hold any grudges against anyone. I was annoyed at myself for talking well of two guys.
I thought I really don’t care about them, I hope they all do something productive with themselves and are happy. Yet to Gareth I was just making conversation and spoke poorly about two guys who were a pain in the ass back then.
I felt so annoyed that I talked poorly about them.
Anyway – I was debating weather to call Gareth.
I mean – I hate “dating.” Just thinking about it makes me think I can’t be bothered.
Then a part of me says – why not? Just do it what have you got to loose?
I’ll sit on it for awhile.
It doesn’t seem like I going to get that job as Jack didn’t call the woman and she will only take over the phone references.
Hmm…
Memories are stired up. I just have to deal with it.

Party anyone?

Someone in the street oppisit mine is having a party with a live band. That's a first. It's not something done really in suburba.
I can sleep through anything but there's alot of young families who don't and all the dogs in the surrounding are barking.
Damon is sleeping. Not much stires him either.

Obviously I'm spending WAY to much time on my computer!!!!

What to do with myself... "To cut or not to cut - That is the question?"

Just watching the gran final of the NAB cup football. There’s two kid Singing “Advance Australia Fair” I don’t know the words to it. Nor do I care.
I think the vast majority of people don’t know it. I know that some of our Commonwealth Games athletes don’t know it and they get up on the podium and obviously mumble out something, to try and get them through. They really have no idea either. As a fellow Australian I say don’t worry, Being Australian just means no one really cares anyway!

Well I got through the first day of this diet… a little bigger meal proportion for dinner but I realised that after I had already made it. But it’s all good.

Work was good today. Busy and I got some nice clients.
An old man said “ You remind me of my daughter. Confident, bubbly personality…”
That put a smile on my face a mile wide.
Later a guy came in tall, dark hair and I thought is that… I think it is…
It was Garath. I went to high school with him for half a year.
He’s got an identical twin brother – Sean who I liked a little. I never knew Garath.
He was a quiet type of guy.
So cutting his hair today we did a bit of a history catch up on the who’s doing what etc.
When he was paying for his haircut he got a bit of paper and wrote his name and phone number on it.
“If you want to catch up for a few drinks give me a call” He kinda mumbled it out and I was surprised!
“Ok, Yeah that will be good”
DOH!!!! Well it’s better then saying “Look you know – No.” or
“I can’t be bothered” or “how about I’m a lesbian”
Funny enough I have used that at a club a couple of times – it didn’t deter.
Anyway Mk asked if I would call him I said “Nah” and Deb shoved the number in my bag.
I was going to throw the number out.
But I sit hear and think – why didn’t I? I have no intention to call him.
He had filled out from when he was at high school and he looks good.
He’s a little more of the shy type, quiet – usually with twins one is a little calmer, softer etc then the other one, Garath is the quiet one – from what I can remember and gather from today because I could hardly hear what he was saying. I had to keep on saying “pardon, sorry “
Anyway, It’s nice to have that sort of day. I was in a great mood today at work really chatty. It made me think that maybe I should just do hairdressing full time as I like doing it, love the social aspect of it, Get to be completely myself and feel comfortable doing so.
Hairdressing is about expressing yourself. Creative etc…
Mk is looking or a full time person, Deb mentioned it today. I just would hate to be put on and then get sick again.
Or really struggle to work full time being so tired. I’d be leaving Mk in a hard spot and letting the whole team down if something like was to happen.
I don’t want to do that.

I want to go to this play/poetry sorta thing tomorrow I don’t know much about it except that it starts at 4pm.
I think I can go because it won’t mean a late night. I need to set myself a curfew. 10pm at home 10.30 bed.

On a lighter note....

I’m going on a Liver Cleansing Diet.
A lady I was talking to said that her sister did it after she had Glandular fever and she said it really helped. It’s ment to help with a lot of things. Chronic Fatigue and depression being some.
It’s meant to make you loose weight or put it on if needed. Restoring the immune system and all good things like that.
I’ve never been on a diet as where you have to stick to a set plan but I figure that it’s only for eight weeks. The word “diet” makes me turn and run in the other direction!
But I know of people who have done it and feel better for it, so I’ll give it a shot.
My main down fall is preparing and cooking the food, but it seems quite simple.
Mum says that she might do it too.
I’m thinking I may start it on Sunday because I had just brought all this food for the week and not all of it I can use.
I just have to stick to it….
It’s very healthy – Just buying the right foods that is expensive, I may have to put it off till I get a job.
I checked my funds today and the little "well of money" is drying up.
I'm looking at bills and getting a little stressed.
Oh well - That's life.

That's stupid that junk food costs less then healthy. It should be the other way around.

A horriable suprise outing.

I went out for dinner last night with my ...Father.
I don't know how I can be related to SUCH a toss!
I didn't want to go out but it would cause massive rows if I didn't and I thought I'd be the mature one and just do it.
Yeah, I was the mature one all right. There is nothing about that man which is even REMOTLEY nice. How old is he?? He is such a child! Putting my mum down and trying to make out that he's a good guy. There were moments where I just bit my tongue and didn't say a word because I knew that it would start an argument and hence would mean that I would have to talk in his direction more then necessary.
I can see how my brother has turned out like he has - making that toss, his idol.
I never looked up to him from probably about seven or eight years old.
Had other people’s fathers. My best friend at the time I liked thinking that her dad was mine. Then as I grew up I had other males in my life, my boyfriend, Friends, teachers etc.
But I can’t believe that I am related to this toss.
Thank God he wasn’t around when I was growing up.
The conversation was pretty much based around “History” talk. Because really from 13 to 24 there’s nothing to talk about. There is no history there.
As he leaves he says “call me tomorrow”
HA! Call YOU!!!
“Nah, you can call it’s cheaper for me” I only have a mobile phone and landline Internet access.
Whatever.
It reminded me when Jack said, “send me an email” – I didn’t.
I felt a lot of my mum in me last night. The only thing different is that I kept my mouth shut.
As soon as I had the words running in my head I thought of my mum.
This is EXACTLY what she would say!!! In fact I’m sure she’s probably said it.
We went to a Chinese / Malaysian restaurant. I hate that food. Thai I can handle but not Chinese and it just added to my not wanting to be there. And the fact that I was tired.

yeesshhh.......

I'm waiting to hear about the job.
I just called and she said that they are moving offices and she will send me an email when she recieves it.
The new office will have about twenty or more people in it.
That's big.
I've got a haircut to do today. It comes at at a goo time.
I've also got a wedding in three weeks.
So I'm hoping that will tie me over. I had a dream last night that I cut off my hair so it was about a centermeter or two short. Weird.
My finger is starting to heal and look more normal.
I'm going to enjoy today. I haven't spoken to kez for ages and it's great to catch up. Her kids have growen up sooooo much.
I'm feeling a little old today.

The commonwealth games have started and I didn't take a huge intrest altho I saw fireworks in the city. They looked good.

I've been playing the guitar today and I'm thinking that I can almost do some sort of recording.

Rusty. Heh, Heh. Well he hasn't called so far and it's Thursday. I'm glad.
I think he was getting the wrong idea. In the car on the way home I made it perfectly clear that I'm staying single until I leave to go overseas and that i'm not going anywhere with him.
He's sooooo young.
ie.
Talking about Religion he says "So you wouldn't marry anyone who wasn't a christian?"
"No, it's eaiser if they are, blah,blah, blah..."
Pause - "I'm a christian, church of England ...."
Yeeeah.
"Going overseas, I don't want to get tied down with anyone."
"Yeah, I'd like to go overseas"
Hmmmm....Yeeaah.
I just thought A) Your obviously REALLLY young B)Well. Your WAY WAY WAY to young.
Oh my God! Who says that??
Espcially straight after I say the statement!
I probably sound like a awful person but really - What the????
I'm attracted to older guys, 7 years ago it was guys in their mid to late twentys.
Now I'm thinking very late 20's and 30's but the down side is that at that age they want to settle down do the kid thing and I'm not.
I think I'd make a couple of allowences if they were a little younger or older but - hang on what am I saying! Well, I guess I know that I'd like someone to be around but not all the time. Weekends are good. I smile to myself now.
Typicall.
I guess i'm thinking about it because Fi and I were talking about it and were talking about "Broke back mountain" (probably spelt wrong).
Anyway. I have to go and do this haircut.

So the outcome..

So good news and so so news.
Good News is that I sorta got the job, bad news is that they wanted to talk to Jack.
This is because he had a valuable reference. He held the only (one of two possible)
References that could get me this job. The Manager wanted to talk to him .
I text a mutual friend we know and he couldn’t help me.
I sent Jack an email asking if he could help me out.
I really didn’t think he would reply. I haven’t had any contact with him for about five months.
That’s why I was surprised when he replied saying that he sent an email to the manager ( I gave him it) about fifteen minutes later.
He said he wrote her an email and sent it.

So I’ll give her a call tomorrow and see where it’s at. I hope she’s happy with a written reference. It’s shift work at a call centre.
Work pretty much every day. Three weeks training. She said please if you don’t like it in the first two or three hours just leave. She must have had a few time wasters come through. I give my self at least a week or two because you just don’t know in the first few days.

I went and saw my pregnant friend today we had a good talk. Hours! I had my hand on her stomach and the baby moved!!! HEAPS!!!! It was so weird!!!! I’ve felt a kick before on a different person but nothing like this! I was soooo excited.

I’ve been really tired today. I walked Damon this morning. Really slowly cos` I woke up tired and it was like that for the rest of the day.

I went on the on line chat last night. Not something I’m personally proud of but I was seeking support for dealing with my brothers illness.
I did get a couple of sites from one lady, tehn I got a “BUZZ” I’m new to this.
It was some on wanting to know where I’m from, girl or guy, age – Of course I didn’t disclose anything but I thought I bet you’re a young male. He was.
I turned him off as I hated “chat”. I didn’t like the whole idea really.

I think if I know the person and I email them personally then it’s fine but other wise – Na. Nada. I hate it.

With the possibility of working again I feel more positive. It’s a tough one. Work and get really tired or not and only be tired. It’s not exactly a winning situation.
I just want to be healthy again. Feel good and full of energy not like your going to need a sleep after a short slow walk for fifteen or twenty minutes.

I blow wave my hair today in my room and the mirror I put up drops and hits me in my arm. I then dry my hair with my hairdryer and the muscles in my arm are sore!
Geez talk about weakling!

I glad to see Jacks alive.

A bit of a rolling tangent...

My Blog is boring. A bit negative of late...
So life's a little up and down at the moment.
I now have my goal to go overseas. I've made up my mind. I want to do it now while i'm young. I'm turning 25 this year and I want to do it now. I have to have something to look to.
Makes things a little eaiser having something to look forward to.
I realllyyyy need this job.

At church the other day the talk was about giving. Giving of yourself, talents,time, money whatever it is how you use what God has given you.
It's funny how I walk out thinking, I needed to hear that and puts things into perspective. Decisions I was struggling with I walked out knowing what to do.
I walked in feeling a little down, confused and stressed.
I walked out feeling positive, having answers to my questions and alot happier.

Just thinking about a previous post about "hate for brother". For people otu there who think Christians are all good and what not, I think I show that were not all like that. I'm thinking this because my brother sits near me in a room and does things that he can not help and I can't stand it.
I can't. I feel like screaming stop doing that!!!!! But I manage to with hold myself.
I still get angry. Repeating things - God give me strength!
I know he can't help it. My mum once said to me if you hate it this much imagine being him and having to live with it.
My jaw is shut tight as it does when I try to keep my mouth shut but I feel like screaming, Crying, Screaming more crying. I have looked and the closest thing I have got for support is a phone call operator person who can't support me because they don't have anyone in their immideate family who has this!
I guess I just wanted someone who knows what I go through because they go through it too.

I'm going to go and do another search on the web. I hate chat on line I don't do it personally but I think I will do it if it will find me someone who can relate to what I go through.

What a tangent I've just gone through.
I read on Brians blog about how much we choose to disclose on the web.
I guess I've truley steped into that relm now!
Where was I...
Oh yeah.... After being all sounding Christian and that, It just goes to show were all human.

Commonwealth - shommenwealth

The Commonwealth Games are two days away and the Baton went past the local library which is five minutes away from my house. I went to Mons house, I find it absolutely ridicules that a BATON with NO flame is using up tax payers money and time. It’s sooooo pathetic. I love the Olympic games and I quite like watching sport but this whole Commonwealth games thing is way, way, way over the top.
There blocking off streets, trying to put the homeless into motels and all for what??
The USA isn’t in these games so we may just blitz the athletic fields.
We do in the pool regardless but I just find the whole who ha a bit of a waste of time.
Half the tickets are not sold and venues won’t be filled for major events.
I think it will look a little – empty.
The city has been counting down from a hundred and fifty or so days so no wonder I’m over it.

I read something that questioned if we hide in our life. Don’t face things. Prolong etc.
Then it said “we might hide ourselves, in keeping a busy lifestyle, writing in a journal….” Now I have kept a journal since I was thirteen. Before that I had the random entry or so. I think it’s good to write down thoughts and feelings. But I can see how it can be a way of hiding.
Is blogging hiding? But from what. It’s meant to be from your true feelings.
I don’t know. I do know that without my I may be a little less sane then I am now!
I think writing takes away stress, makes you see things from a different angle and it captures moments and memories.
A written picture maybe.

I went for a walk/ jog today and it was good. Damon loved it he got to play with two dogs and was obedient. He’s put on more weight. I think my brother is feeding him behind my back. I think my mum’s probably in on it.
He’s lost any of his shape and when he sits down a roll is starting to appear.
Too fat for a dog his size but my mum has it in her head that unless animals are obese and can’t move then they are skinny.

I have my job interview tomorrow… I hope I get it. Good money and I really need that. I need money for my car repayments, food, bills that just keep coming in – but it will work out. Something will work out if not this.

Thea sent me a text today filling me in on her night out. It sounded like she had a ball which made me smile and wish I could be over in America with her.
I really miss her.
I’m really wanting to take off at the end of this year. Early next year.
Once I have the money. Then I need to tee up work overseas and just go.
I want to travel. I was thinking how when I was a kid I would always change my room. Put my bed in different places put up different photos, pictures anything just for a change.

A little later...

This is my sore Finger.
I've had two naps today so far and my mood is picking up.

I'm going to a 21st tonight. Haven't been to one of them for awhile.

I was texting Ian the Irishlad from overseas. Sounds like his in a bit of a rut.
I'm catching up with him tomorrow - I feel for him because I will never forget the feeling of desperation that sets in.
When I was in England and would of loved for a friendly face or someone to either help me or just listen.
(refer to my other Blog)
It's just nice to talk to someone who cares.

Stupid Brother.

Brother.
I hate him.
Pure hate.
He's just like his father.
He told me to leave home.
I told him I wish I could because I hate him,living with him and he's a toss.

I'm tired.
Sooo tired. Had to go do shopping because he decided to eat all my food while I was away.
NOT IMPRESSED.
I hate him.
Pure Hate.

To be or not to be

I'm back and it wasn't ALL that bad. It wasn't great being that I was tired and searched for conversation that didn't come with ease.
I'm now so tired.
I managed to talk about Christian relationships and how I wouldn't be interested in anyone who wasn't a Christian. He then mentioned that he was again, Believed in God.
Then I just said if I had a relationship in the next year it would stuff up my plans for the future and I wouldn't do it.
I think he got the hint. I ate WAY WAY WAY to much and can't hardly move!

Tomorrow... I need sleep.

NOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rusty is comming over! He's on his way!!!
I can't be bothered going out! I'm tired after work today, my feet hurt and what are we going to do for THREE HOURS before this BBQ starts!!! OMG!!
WE HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON!!!! NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!
NOTHING!!!!!!!
Oh,oh,oh - I don't want him to come over. I'm annoyed at my brother for not cleaning!!! OMG CLEANING!!! I GOTTA GO !!!!
I Want to cry - I'm tired and don't want to clean but I have toooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

Single and liking it

Well I’m going home today. I love my mum but this country lifestyle is soooooooo boring!!!!!
I see a lot of young kids with babies and when I ask a local hairdresser what she does on the weekend – “not much, go to the pub maybe”
Ok, but there’s two main pubs. I would be wanting a change in scenery.
Oh well they like it.

I forgot to mention that I cut my finger last Saturday at work.
Really bad, I had to go to hospital wait for three hours to get seen then it took five minutes to glue it up. The nurse thought it may need a stich but wasn’t sure.
I took the bandage off today and it’s healing just really slowly.
I almost fainted at work and again at home when I was by myself. That was scary.

When I’m at home I can do things like clean my room, cut the grass, go for a walk to different places. It’s very restricting in the country.

I’ve sent off my resumes, made phone calls and made follow up phone calls.
Nothing.
Not much is up on offer at the moment.
I’ll keep marching on – it’s a little disheartening but I think something will come up.
I just wish I didn’t feel so tired.

I think Damon wants to go home too. He likes it but he doesn’t get his bones and walks, the change of seanary and my full attention.

Rusty want’s to see me on the weekend…..
Ohhh…….
What to do???? It’s like I don’t want to lead him on, friends can go out to dinner but by me doing that I could be giving him the wrong idea!
Blah. I’m enjoying being by myself lately. A little too much maybe.
I’m no recluse but I’m defiantly feeling happy being solo for now.

Damon your still soooo cute xxxxx to you

So I'm up at my mums. I see Damon for the first time and he's so excited!
He wouldn't leave my side all afternoon and night. He slept on my bed for half the night but eing that I have a single bed up hear I was squashed so he had to get off.
I was awoken with his licks and wet nose shoved in my face. Lots of cuddles and I then get up.
Now he's been up hear in the country for two weeks. TWO weeks.
In that two weeks he's gone from being an obedient slender, active, happy dog to a fat, lazy dog who’s not so obedient and a little naughy. He likes playing with the other dogs but I’m glad to say that mum thought he seemed happier that I was hear.
He gives me the most lovey looks with his big brown eyes. So cute.
My mums animals walk over her.
She says come they say no. To get them to stop playing inside she’ll say
“Outside, Bronson out”
The dogs stop playing and lie down!
Mum continues to watch her faverouite TV show and the dogs are still inside!
The small one is soooo bad. She won’t listen at ALL!
My mum just gives in and she wonders why they don’t listen to her! LOL!
She tells me how disobedient they are and how good Damon is. Arr – yes I’m a proud mum. But I come up hear and the little sod!!! He’s become naughty!
He’s taken to biting at my clothes and jumping up on people. Now this sort of thing I nip in the bud because being such a big dog jumping on old people is a big no no and I don’t want holey dog torn clothes.
I took him for a walk today – I let him off the leash being that he’s really quite good and obedient – he ran off and wouldn’t come back when I called him!!!
I was annoyed that he decided not to listen to me but found the humor that this is another bad habit picked up again from being hear.
He’s good again now – It only took probably half an hour for him to remember that he can’t get away with doing that.
Another thing he pulled – begging. I HATE dogs that beg, and paw when they want something.
I fed him breakfast then got my own. Usually he’s fine. He lays on my foot and is happy with that. This morning he sits and looks at me.
I unimpressed I say to mum,
“Look what he’s doing”
Damon then wonders into the kitchen and relicks his bowl and looks again at me.
Mum laughs at this
“He want’s more, Do you want more – I’ll give you some more” says mum,
It’s what she always says.
“ No wonder he’s a heffer!”
In two weeks he put on five point two kilos! That’s about nine or ten pounds!
Hence we walked today. He’s not fit anymore either.
I thought I was going have to call my mum to come get us at the milk bar because I got really tired but I pushed through it and got home.
It was my first bit of exercise in over a month!

My mums dogs are obaying me more now.
I don’t think I’m harsh, I just follow through with what I say.
I’ve always been like that. Don’t say something unless you are going to do it.
That goes with threats and promises.
Sometimes situations change and it doesn’t work but I try.
When I was looking after my cousins kids it put me to the test and I think, considering in the state I was in I was ok.

But all that aside my Damon is still the most beautiful boy, oh…. He just banged on the door to get in!!! What’s that, just something he’s picked up from my mums dog! The little lap dog. Again if she does it, it might rip a little at the bottom of the door after awhile, Damon does it and he can rip it.
Dohh!
He’s still cute as he just come in and is now laying right next to me.

Well that's over with!!

Well I quit my job yesterday.
A good thing it is too.
The “woman” who sits behind me – ok what happened is that we had a stationary order come in I put it out the back and lay it on the table so that No one had to go hunting for things. I then wrote an email and sent it out stating what I did.
“I trust it will put away properly” is the email she sent back.
She was the only one who responded.
Bitch.
Felt like saying verbally “ Is that really necessary??!!”
Things like not being introduced to people who are “New” in the “team” or visitors,
Degrading remarks ie. I was talking to Fab, It had just gone 9am people including my boss standing around my desk space – The phone rings, I quickly put on my head set and pressed the call button. The engaged sound came up.
“woman” had taken the call. The phone had only rung twice and that’s when I pick it up usually! 3 seconds maybe !!
She then puts the caller on hold and CAN”T LOOK AT ME yet has the nerve to say LOUDLY so EVERYONE can hear – “Hear that, that’s the phone.”
My blood boiled.
NO ONE SAID ANYTHING!!!!! Not even my boss who was just standing there!!!!
By her doing saying that she forgot all about the caller until the phone started to beep and she forgot who it was!!!
So Things like this happened all the time.
But that was just disgusting.
Not needed and said in spite.

She HATED it when I talked to people in the “team” being the guys she couldn’t stand as other then her and my boss (who avoids situations.) there were only two other girls in the place! I heard her say once that her little sister was angry at her (10 years her junior) because Women was flirting with her boyfriend and friends.
Also Woman is the “ugly duckling” of the family. She’s an over weight brunette, with hair that she does nothing with except tie back in the same old boring style everyday, wears the same boring long skirt and black top that hangs off her and slip on sandles.
She doesn’t wear make up and her skin needs attention.
A little cream maybe.
Her two sisters she calls “models”. I saw pictures they are blond, slim and yes attractive.
She would mention a lot how she “lost out in that department”.
So she has issues with her looks.
Both her and my boss feel threatened my females. Woman flirts with all the new guys as all the new employees are male.
I look on her thinking how pathetic she is.
Shallow.
So she felt threatened by me.
When I started one of the guys, Mick, would come and help me with my computer and make pleasent conversation.
He liked me as a person and he was just nice.
He came out to me yesterday when I had got in my car to go and talked for awhile.
We might go out for drinks one night down the track – He’s wanting to leave too.
But anyway I’m not big noting my self but she is threatened by me and all other women.
Women hated her and her “team” to answer the phones. I felt like saying answer them now you Toss and I didn’t put your own stationary away. Toss.
I said my goodbye to everyone. My boss had “gone to the toilet” and woman was staring at her computer.
Whatever.
I was walking out when I turned around and got called out to Fab – “See you later Fab”
I walked out. I didn’t say anything to the Woman. Not even a look. I should of said goodbye but I couldn’t bring myself to be nice to that Toss.
I’m glad I left and I had the support of my friends.
So now I’m not in a good financial situation but I’m looking for work.

Glad that’s over. I was never going to get promoted working with that Toss and even if they did – I would say no and keep my dignity.
He walked over me while I was working there but it certainly taught me a lesson.
It’s better to be the better person and walk away with your morals.
Know one can take that.

The Team I love

Well the after work drinks didn't happen - well a few girls went . 3 I think.
It didn't happen with me.
I was feeling sick anyway. Hayfever, runny eyes,nose and felt like Blah.
Tired.

My father called today. I picked up the phone thinking that It would be my friend who I had just called and it had rung out - but It was him.
He asked me out for dinner.
"Ur, ok"
"do you want your brother to come?"
"Yeah...Rusty can come too"
"Rusty -(pause) are you going out with him?"
"No were just friends."
So we shall see what happens. Rusty said he'll come along.
God, I have nothing in common with him. I don't think I do anyway.

Mk sent me a message saying he's been worried about me this week.
It's nice, I love the whole team there. Really great people who I can't speak highly enough of.
Even tho I'm tired,sniffy,watery eyes - I'm still looking forward to work tomorrow.

The paper comes out tomorrow with all the jobs in it.
I'm looking forward to that too!!!

BUT WAIT... THERE'S MORE !!!

So I go back to the doctor today.
"You need to eat better. More meat - every day. It sounds like you are anemic again."
Great.
Super.
New Research shows the link how glandular feaver is directly related to cronic fatigue.
So champaine anyone??
A toast - To Better health.

I left work early today.
When I leave EVERYTHING is done.
They don't have to catch up on anything.
So now we have three new guys at work.

While I was away one of the guys jumped on my computer(which is fine because they have to use it for reception) and sent a love message to one of the other guys in the team.
Also he then proceeded to write one to the "woman" saying
"I know how we don't get along, A happy work relationship is important to me,
Would you like to meet up with me on the weekend for a drink at the local?
Love Karen"
Now when I read this I thought what!!??
Who did this??!
Mick was standing near by
"Mick - Who used my computer while I was away?"
"Why?"
"Well - What's this?"
He went red a shade of purple almost and I think I could feel the heat comming from his face!
"Oh,...Ur,yeah,ye..ah. That was me."
I looked uncertain...
"well you know how the "woman" is a bi**h, always muttering under her breath and you know - she's like that to everyone," (It just all gets supressed to me does it??)
"So I sent her this and made it look like it was from your home computer,"
(I started to giggle)"She read it and was like, ur...ur... - I couldn't stop laughing I told her straight away but the look on her face!!"
I started to laugh "So she definanitly knows it was from you?"
"Yeah"
I laugh about it now!!!! Oh it's pure bliss!!!! And I'm right in saying that it's obvious to everyone how she is to me. I mean HE stated it!!!! TO HER !!!
I'm still looking for other work, I give it three more months. At the most.
But I'm just going to continue to do my job and be myself.
That seems to irate her. Well what can I say? I'm just living my life.
There's drinks tomorrow night, it's like the welcome for the new guys.
I'll go and chat - I don't get a chance to at work because the phone always rings and I have to cut it short.

My neck hurts. I just text my boss and told her that I'm not comming in till 1pm tomorrow. I need sleep and that blood test.
Yuk...

Again

BLAH!!!!!!!!

A Full day at work

My second full day at work.
I'm tired.
All I seem to do is complain how tired I am!!
My stomach is bloated, sore and not due to "womens problems".
My hair is that faded gross color, skin in in a break out, my eyes are puffy and I feel like a yucky blob. Blah.
I've got a headache.
Blah. I'm a puffy,faded,swollen blob.
I will go to bed now.
Blah. Blah. Blah.
.....BLAH.

Another new guy starts work tomorrow. It's good for a change.