I WAS TOTALLY LED ON AND IT SUX!!!!

You Are 70% Boyish and 30% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

I disagree with a part of this statement. I actively fight for equal opportunities!


Saturday night was all talk and no action.
I half expected that. There were text messages swapped when I got home...
It was all looking up...I was thinking when I received these messages why didn't you just tell me or text me when we were actually in person so we could act on these messages??
Am I sexually fustrated? Hell yeah! At that moment I was! Anyone in my position would have been!
I hate getting lead on and that's the worst kind!
I bend the rules for him - I shouldn't but I do.
I justify it.
What now? Well were still kinda just friends that's all we are just maybe friends that maybe are a little...closer then others :) heh he
I don't think it would really change that much.
I got an email today from him - it said what I thought it would
"sorry about Saturday..."
I knew he would do that. I just knew it! It was kinda funny!
Hmmm...
He has sex appeal :))

my boots...

it's not working.

I GOT LEAD ON AGAIN!!!

Yes I did.
What happened? I will go into more detail later but I had a fantastic Saturday night with Goosey/Jack and others and recovered Sunday with Goosey and her boyfiriend and Jim.
Why do i let myself get led on??!! I knew it would happen.
Guess abit let down that what I thought would happen kinda did.
I have to go more later.
I tried to upload a picture of my boots...
I don't know if it worked...

I like my boots!!!

well, I'm rather tipsy,
i've decided not to do spell check on this one.
I'm thinkin of tomorrow night.,
Jacks being SUCH a TEASE!!!!
OH MY GOD!!!
He is beyond a tease! He crosses the line and I feel... I shake my head. AS I suck down my third strongbow original and think - who am I kidding he's all talk. He's still got a girlfriend.
I thy9ink he has.
I bet he has and he just likes to talk it up.
I'm thinking about him.
He sent me a mesage today as a reply to the one I sent.
me "I'm sleeping at Gooseys so I can relax drink and wind down"
His response" yeah good idea. Can i stay at gooseys too?;)"
What the hell is that?!!!>???
That's not fair!
He's all talk i just know it.
Last week Deb from work asked "why don't you just ask him if he has a girlfriend?"
Answer - yeah, I should but i don't want to know the answer. I think I know the answer - he does but that 2would stop all the fun.
I know deep down I think he does. I don't want to admit it but I guess I just did.
He's hot.

I was reading on scotts blo0g about women in high oots.
Now that's all I wear - well mostly. I lo0ve boots I have four pairs.


i don't think I'm needy. its just things that I want don't cost money I just can't seem t0o get these things.
like whatf?
like a kiss, a passionate kiss someone to want me.
some one who knows me and genunely wants to kiss me.
I won't go on it could get intens3e.
I've finished my beverages.

Work was so hetic today I cracked it and said to one of the girls "There is no issue!"
"BUT there was an issue a moment ago"
"But there's not now!"
"I want to know"
"arghh"
It was so stupid. it's funny - I apoligised for cracking it. she didn't say anything.
She helped me in the end to cut up stuff. I tyhanked her heaps - shes quite nice but wants to know everything.
I think everyone was at the end o their teather being the end of the month getting the money through and up to head office 9ffaxed)
I was flat out and was doing 1000 things at once i got a call sayiung yesterdays banking was wrong so i had to sort that out, the show i'm organising I went into day at 8.35am and left at 5.25 pm. My boss was going to let us go at 4.30 because we came in early and the others at 4.45. I ended up staying till 5.30 because I had work that I just HAD to get done.
I was sooo busy.
I wasn't going to drinkk until tomorrow but I was so high strug that I figured I will tonight.
It's soooo stressful with work.
Things that I don't get done just keep pilling up till the next doy.
I'm going ok :)
Hairdressing is sooo different when a client walks out the job is done. finished. compleate. This is the first time ever that I have to let work slide into the next day and think about the same thinngs for more then ab9out 3 hours.

I'm working tomorrow, yeah :)))
I look forward to work on a Saturday I really do !!
The people are fantistic I really like them and we work well together.

A busy week

Today was really busy.
This week flew by and I have been just so busy!
This week I would of worked 50 hours! In the next two weeks I will work one hundred and five hours PAID of work!
I’m working through my lunch breaks and coming in early and leaving late.
I’m enjoying the fast pace and knowing everything I have to do. I took on another work load today doing extra stuff for the others. They asked me if I minded I said no I’d be happy to help if you need me to.
So that was fun.
Very busy.

I was going to go out for a run tonight but I changed my mind and decided to watch the movie Girl Fight.
The Kokoda trail – I wanted to walk that trail when I was 18. It’s something which I wanted to do and think about it every so often.
Would certainly be a challenge.

I’m looking forward to Saturday night. I’m staying at Gooseys on Saturday night so I can have a few drinks. I can’t wait to just get there and relax. It all happens and I don’t have to do or think about anything.
It’s the way I will feel when I get over the Christmas show on the 6th of November. Relieved.
Then on to Christmas parties. Then Christmas, then new years and Life inbetwen it all!!! :))

My motor bike license – I’m looking forward to that! Heh heh
I want to go away for a weekend and go dirt bike riding.
That would be fun :))

Prozac Nation

Prozac Nation

Well I watched the movie.
Hmm.
I don’t know what to think.
It brings a lot of things up in me. It’s defiantly not a feel good movie that’s for sure.
My ex had depression.
F**k.
I think that sums it up.

I think watching that movie lots defiantly wouldn’t be a positive move.
“It a wonderful life” movie. I see how she made the connection.
Not a good movie.
Has left me thinking about all the bad things that has happened to me!
How I was affected by my ex when he was going through he’s drugged up phase popping pills, smoking joints bringing me down with him.
What happened to him?
I have wiped him out of my life.
An outside point of view made me step out of the square. I’ve never stepped back into it.
All these feelings that I had at the time I think about now.
Things that weren’t so great in my life I remember now.
Right now.
I just had an argument with my brother. Now I have a headache.
I’m angry.
At my brother for being his normal arrogant negative self. Sparking pathetic child minded arguments.
I’m thinking I don’t particular want to watch that movie again.
It’s disturbed me. Thinking that young people could watch this movie and for whatever reason classify themselves like this when all they want is attention. But I guess that’s another disorder – I believe they call it ADD.
There’s a name for everything these days.
Whatever.
I look at life walk forward and take it all as it comes.
Deal with everything as it comes. Trudge through the mud and run with the wind all still going forward. There is no one in this world I truly hate. I hold no ill feelings against anyone. I may not think highly of some but that’s because of there actions.
I like being positive. I thrive making people realise there strengths which I can see in them.
If you go by the saying if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all, it will work for you.
But if you look for the positives in people you will see them.
If you can’t build someone up why tear them down?

I really don’t like that movie.
My friends. I care about.
I love my friends. I love them all.

I think that movie has made me think about peoples backgrounds. No one really knows everyone’s background unless they want you to know and they tell you.
Look at the person they are now. Love them for who they are, respect them for their life and simply accept them.
I’m not EVER going to watch that show again.

I can't sleep and I don't want to feel like I need someone.

I can't believe this!!!
Keep crap that goes on in organizing stuff is soo ridiculous!!!
"What about those people who can't drink"
"What part didn't I fill out?"
"I'd like to come but can't afford it now"
"Can I get a free stand?"
"DO I get a refund?"
"I'm PROFESSIONAL!!!!"
OH MY GOD!!!
I'm STUNNED at the questions I get asked!
These are from work and other gatherings i'm having a part in.
I just want to get rather tipsy.
I think I might see if I can stay at Gooseys.
I just need to relax. I can't sleep (the amount of caffeine doesn't help) I got about three hours last night and I woke up at 5.30am and watched a movie.
I felt like I could go for a run.
I shake my head. Can't please everyone. My response is "Hmmm...Let's remember that for next year." Pass it on and do just that.

I had my first guitar lesson tonight!
It was quite good and I learnt alot.
I'm going to trade in 'Josh" and buy Something a little more better.
Or keep him...

I'm getting my motor bike license. I don't know if I want a road bike but I'd like to go on a weekend tour on a trail bike and need to know how to ride one.
I'm a bit scared about it but I want to do it to over come it and have fun. I've always been a passenger. Except once but I didn't get it out of first gear.

How do I feel?
I'm not tired inside but sorta am outside.
My brain isn't switching off.
I'm thinking about Saturday night, The work function, Hair tomorrow night, Not being able to sleep tonight and working tomorrow, My motorbike license, Egypt, Thea coming back and me getting tossed to the side when a guy comes along. Being Elliott.
Sigh.
I'm occasionally thinking to Jack. What will "street works" Will be like without him?
There have been a lot of people coming and going this year.
A part of me misses them. I loved my first group we had going. That was great, But nothing stays the same. But Jack has always been there...
I don't know.

I better go.
I want to cry now. Maybe I'm just being emotional. No. I really feel like a part of me is a little empty or will be.
I just want to relax and unwind. I want a massage. I want a lot of things - well that doesn't mean that I always get what I want.
I'm settling in more at work, I'll be glad when this big event is over then it's time to plan the next one!!!
Christmas is just around the corner, I'm making cards and small gifts this year.
I usually do something a little different in cards and I like making individual cards for people.
An old friend of mine got engaged a few weeks ago I spoke to him two nights ago and he was saying "How's the men in your life"
"Non existent"
"Don't you want someone??"
"no"
"It's the best feeling when you look at the person you love so much and see that they are smiling back at you and you just love to make them happy. You can't beat that feeling."
"Thanks Pete"
"Yeah it is"
"Is she near you?"
thinking hes just saying this to win points.
"No, she's outside."
"Oh"
Yep thanks for taking me back to those feelings. The ones we love so much the ones which I hate and don't like because I've been strung along by a lot of men.
Yep, thanks.
Thanks for reminding me of my ex and how I loved him and he just took it in.
remind me of what it's like to have my heart broken and shattered into a thousand pieces only to be taped up for the next person.
Yep - I made the right choice. At least now I'm happy.
Well actually I am.
Even tho it may not sound like it - I am.
could I watch T.V from 4pm Saturday till 2.30am if I had someone next to me wanting to do something different? No.
So hence - I like the way things are at the moment. :))
I feel better now.

The dog wasn't there.

Today I wake up feeling...Numb.
I feel numb. I guess I'm tired too. I hired some Dvds and I'm going to go to my room snuggle up in my bed and watch them. I got Joan of Arc, Girl fight, Prozac nation, Perfect oppisites, Twin sisters and In Good company.
The dog wasn't there last night. I felt soooo upset. It's going to be cold and hungry and sad.
I was just really upset in general last night. After a day like yesterday.
The "streeties" could tell and tried to cheer me up, didn't work and I had to leave because I thought I was goting to burst into tears.
I hate it when I feel like that. Todays the same I just think I need a hug.
I don't usually get like this but I guess i'm just tired and upset.
I want alchole but I can't be bothered going out to get any as i'm too tired. I want an appple but again can't be bothered.
I remember the days when my ex and I would cuddle up at times and days like these, on the couch with the doona over us I would usually fall asleep and he would watch the car races.
huh.
I going to go to my room.

I'm the meat in the sandwich at work, out of work and in the family. And I hate it.

Ohh.....Today I am the meat in the sandwich.
Work was soooo busy!!! Sooo soo busy. I have got heaps to do and today is when I start to juggle ten things at once. Now Brian gave me the BEYOND irratates. I sent him a few messages yesterday saying that the milk needs to be picked up please call me. This morning he still hadn't called and I was going to have to pick it up myself.
During my one hour lunch break. I was SO ANGRY that he didn't call. FURIOUS.
This is my problem with Brian.
He will do anything for anyone. He will put himself out to the utter MAX.
He drove this guy home (out of his way of course) and HE FELL ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL and went through a red light!!!!! Thank God he missed the cars!
Even thou he can't do it he will still say yes and just kill himself to do it. I think he does it to... I think it's to say "look at me this is what I do".
This is me being a bitch. I'm angry.
It takes me a fair bit to get to the point where I crack and swear. Well today I cracked.
I got hold of Brian before my lunch break.
"Are you getting the milk?"
"Ar - no, I'm at work till 3"
"So I'll have to get it.Can't you get it after work"
"Yeah ok I'll be in burwood so I may not make it in time"
"You'll make it. There's not much traffic then"
"Ok"
I text jack and find out it actually closes at 4pm.
Brian won't make it.
I sent Brian a text "I'll get it"
I was fuming. The FACT that he didn't call anyone!!! He couldn't pick up the milk and he didn't tell ANYONE!!! He didn't EVEN CALL ME BACK!!!! FUMING. FUMING.
Jack tells me where to go to pick up the milk. Works flat out and I feel bad leaving for the full hour and then I add I may be ten or fifteen minutes late - but I'll really try to be back in time.
So I'm on my way to go get this milk. I've got ROAD WORKS!!!
FUMING.
I FINALLY get onto the freeway and I get a phone call.(not Brian) I end up not being able to listen to him figure out where I was I ask him if I have missed the exit - I DID!!!!! I GOT ON THE WRONG EXIT!!! FUMING!!!! I start to loose the plot.
I was so stresses out!!!! I needed to get this milk,get back to work on time AND FINISH ALL MY WORK THAT I SHOULD OF BEEN DOING AND I REALLY SHOULD HAVE HAD JUST HALF AN HOUR FOR LUNCH AND STILL WORKED THROUGH IT!!!! F**K!!!!
I turn my car around and drive back to work because by this time I was sooo late and still had no milk. I get to work. Just over ten minutes late. My boss is never angry and today she was not happy. She gave me a killer look, she was stressed out with all her work that she had to do and mine continued to pile up. I was trying to get my work done when I start getting messages on my phone. It's on silent but I read them and I tried to keep them brief. I don't like texting at work or answering my phone. I won't anymore. It's not professional and I'm just too busy sometimes.
BUT anyway my boss cracked it at me, I got behind in my work, I didn't get any milk, I drove like a manic to the other side of the world and back which ended up being for nothing. When I got back I was really busy then I get a phone call Wednesdays mail got lost in Transit. I stop my work and try to chase it up.
doesn't happen. I end up having to spend 15 minutes to photocopy Wednesdays papers.
I ask this guy if he's busy hoping he can give me a hand - he didn't look to busy.
He said he was.
"That's ok - I think I'll be ok"
I didn't get all my work done. He whispered to me later that he'll try to help but his two "supervisors" don't like him helping me because he's meant to be helping them.
So I feel like I'm not doing a good job. That I'm being a pain.
He's really kinda sweet. The guys there are.
The girls are too but I wish if they had a problem they would just tell me! Sigh.
If I have a problem I usually say so. I use tact.
Build a bridge and get over it.
I feel that they don't. They keep it all in and when that person walks out - Wham! The truth comes out.
I couldn't care less what they thought of me as a person but I want to know if I'm not doing the job properly or being a general pain.
I need a hug.
I just want to off load my self in a hug.
I am also the meat in the sandwich with my cousin and her ex husband.
That REALLY sux.
I worry about the kids they are all under the age of 11.
Five of them.
God today was so stressful! I'm organizing a show at work, An annual dinner at "Street works" dinner, I've been thinking about this dog I saw and want to "save" I find out tonight if I get it - I've been praying about it and to top it ALL OFF today the Milk and the deep underling issues with a few people regarding the Annual dinner - I got angry.
I was FLAT OUT ALL DAY AND I GOT ANGRY!!!

I needed to vent.

I love everyone.
I truly do.

I'm off to street works soon.
When I saw this dog I cried. I felt so sorry for it. Skin and bones. Timid and afraid. Sad.
I hope the guy comes with it tonight and decides to let me have it.

I just want to do the right thing by people.
Hence I don't like to bitch about people. I don't like to say Negative things about people especially if it's ever aimed at one person.I don't do it.
With of the exception of Brian but he does have he's good points.
I think we are all just a little strained at the moment.
I get hurt for the person people talk about. I think they are probably not completely like that. Where the hell has respect gone??? If they are like that don't you think they have good reason??? I want to cry! I feel the tears.
I feel so sorry for the people every one talks poorly about. They really run this guy down not a single thing has been said positively about him.
He's about 50 and OBVIOUSLY to me he's got a problem.
I mean somethings not right. He's a little different...Slow - I think he's socially not adapted. Doesn't really know how to deal with people. I feel sorry for him. People don't understand.
I want to cry for him. I'm upset about what Jack said and how I can see why he said it. He was upset and angry.
I'm upset because things just hit the fan today. I'm upset because of the dog.
Great. Now I'm letting the tears fall.
This is what I do I get angry but I guess all my anger is really just my hurt, disappointment - my feelings. I have since I was a kid just got angry.
I didn't really cry. Everything would boil and I'd blow up.But I'd just end up sobbing and letting it all out. Sometimes by myself mostly with my mum.
I guess today I was just stretching myself out and I shouldn't of. I was told to just buy the milk and get re embers. I did feel a little lighter when I was told that.
I have a rock in my chest and throat that just wants to come out.
I want to play "josh".
I want a hug and be told not to worry.
I guess we don't always get what we want. I look to God and I feel like it's going to be ok. It's not in my hands and stop worrying.
I feel like I've probably blogged to much. I've said to much. I've exposed the me that comes out when I get angry and upset.
What if someone I know reads this? I guess they will just know me more deeper then I think they know me.
It's just as easy to find the good in people as it is to find the bad.
Focus on the good and just except the bad.
Build people up don't shoot them down.
Let people make up there own minds if they like a person - don't fill their head with negativity hence leading to them thinking poorly of them.
This is living. Life. Focus on the positive.
I say this just after I verbally bash the crap out of Brian on my blog. Oh well it's how I feel - No one's perfect.
Hence neither is my spelling.

Just quickly!!

Just quickly before I go off to "street works". I just came in from a walk.
I was it was beautiful. So georgus. Warm weather just before it started to rain.
I walked past these kids the oldest was about 12 or 13. Four all up.
The youngest aout Nine. They were jumping on trampoline. I walked past."
"HI!, Hi hihhi"
I look and half smile and walk on. Then I hear
"Nice ARSE!!!"
I (heh) that's typical from kids. I keep walking.
"SHOW US YOUR TITS!!!"
I turned around and started to walk back and of course they scattered. The youngest hid under the trampoline.
"Who said that?"
He points to the eldest who sheepshly walks out from behind the car.
"Do you really think that's acceptable?"
"no"
"It's not."
He looks to the ground.
"Don't say that sort of thing. If your in a car driving by maybe - but when Your jumping on a trampoline - Dude - don't do it."
"ok, sorry"
I walk off.
I didn't care but I figure that he needed a kick of womans rights at the young age.
When I walked away I thought I pritty much told him it's ok as long as you have a quick getaway. Hehehe - That's funny. I don't know how he'll take it!
I think the whole shock tactic of me just walking back at that remark was enough for them to know that they shouldn't do it.
I gotta run.

My bad yesterday

I've been awake since 3.30am
It's now 6.30.
I got up had breakfast at 6am.
I played "Josh" for an hour and i'm working on a song that sounds ok - so far.
Everything irritated me yesterday.
My mum came down from the country yesterday and couldn't come out to Mon's for dinner and a chat because she couldn't leave my brother alone. Did I mention that my brother is 26 YEARS OLD!!!!! AND HE SPENT THE LAST THREE DAYS WITH HER!!!! SPONGING OFF HER BECAUSE HE HASN'T GOT A JOB HENCE NO MONEY!!!
I had to vent. I went to mon's via the shopping center to get some soda water. I missed the turn off. There was a HUGE line. I was already angry so this just fuelled me. I got to Mons got out of my car slammed the door. I then realized that I actually had to reopen my door to unlock the back door and get out my hair stuff as it was on the back seat. More fuel. So when I reached Mon's I was FURIOUS!!!
I walked in to Mons and the girls were on the couch and Mon was cooking dinner. I put down my stuff and Let out all my thoughts on my mum and brother. After about 15 minutes I was ok. In the end I ended up leaving feeling much better.
Thank God for family.
When I got home I was angry because I walk in and the brother wasn't alone. He's friend had come around. Great. That topped off my night.
"I'm glad to see Wes is not alone.!"
She smiled.
I joked about it and half laughed. Then the more I spoke the more I got angry.
" I hope your horse has the right rugs on - I mean I wouldn't want to put her out!"
"Well she hasn't got any rugs on"
"GOOD!!!"
"Your jealous!!Ooo jealous are we?!!" laughing
I shake my head. Grit my teeth. "No."
She doesn't understand.

This is such a pathetic conversation.
I checked my email and didn't talk to her.
I then went to bed.
I was soooo angry. I think that is my problem I don't get hurt - I get angry.
Why was I so angry.
Because - well - I guess - I don't want to say. But I know. It's not jealously.

Great. My brothers up.
"What time do you have to leave for work?" (He's starting he's new job today. I give him one or two days before he leaves. He's already told himself that he can't do it.)
"Eight, what time do you?"
"Eight"
"Oh S**t. oh" and he walks out.
He is so negative!!!
He is a thorn in my side.

I was also annoyed at Jack yesterday and I was hungry, tired and had a headache. Good thing PMT wasn't added!!
Todays a new day - I'm off to shower before brother uses all the water and generally gets in the way.

I think I need to tone down...then again - Nah!!!

So roller hockey was fun, I hate looking like a clutz and not being able to do something and looking like I can't do it. Lucky me I tend to be able to pick up anything sporty quickly and by the end I was Getting the hang of it. I'm going back next Wednesday. I've booked my first guitar lessson, It's on Monday and goes for an hour.
I've been walking home from work.It took an hour and forty five minutes last monday then About an hour and a half today because I went a different way and drove to the station. Next time i'll pack my roller blades and half walk and other half skate.
Works good.
I've seen that Mother Teresa movie twice now and I want to see it again - maybe tomorow. I get so much out of it.
I went to see it with Ant last night. He liked it. We got some dinner after it, we got noodles. It was cold outside so we decided to eat in his car.
We were just talking and it feels so natural. Easy.He said
"We get along really well,"
"yeah"
"For the amount of time that we have knowen eachother It's really easy to talk"
"Yeah - You know why - because we are similar. Loud and out going"
I didn't want him to say that. Can't it just be obvious that we get along well and nothing be said??
"Yeah"
I ended up going back to his house and we jammed together.
In the car while we ate dinner we talked, the food tasted gross and I wasn't overly interested in it so I started picking out the sea food bits.
I think he must have seen it.
"It really bugs me when people pick at their food"
"Yeah, I know i'm full when I start to pick out the good bits."
I didn't care that I was or maybe bugging him.
Another reason why I think we get along is because I know he has a girlfriend. He really likes his girl friend. Yet he flirts with me and I just ignor it.
I don't flirt with him in the slightest. I bring up his girlfriend.

I'm working tomorrow. MK rang and asked if I can start at 8 not 9. He's going away for the weekend. I'm happy to do that, I'm glad I can help him out but the
other woman I'm working with - I think she's a lovely person but twice she hasn't turned up and didn't call. I feel sorry for her and her problems that she may have - but what's a phone call?
My boss is so forgiving and nice but I can't but help but feel that I can't rely on her. I don't know if she will turn up and if she dosen't i'll be by myself. I hope she comes.

I've got nothing planned for tomorrow. I might go for another bush walk. I'll see how I feel and if it's a nice day.
I remembered Bec on Wednesday and kept her in my thoughts. She's always at the back of my mind but always there.
I love life because i'm living it.

My baby

Hear she is!!!!

My LittleTessa

I hope the picture I have tried to add has come through. I took it this morning when we were in bed on a coldish morning and both very tired. Is it any wonder why I love her so much!!! I've taken to calling her "pumpkin head" I don't know why. She looks nothing like a pumpkin - more like an angel which I also call her.

Faith - What of it

I'm at work at the moment and feel a bit wrong for typing this but everyone is in a meeting and I have nothing to do.
I'm going to play roller hockey tonight, I've never done that before so should be interesting! I hope I don't break anything!
I'm going to watch Mother Teresa again tomorrow, Ant is coming along and we are getting food before it.
I met another guy who cheats today. He's been with his girlfriend for eight years and thinks it's ok to do so. I feel sorry for him. But I don't dislike him.
This is a turn in my way of thinking about men like this.
I'm thinking about Egypt. That would be such an experience!!!
Last night was great, Because Fi is pregnant I get SOOOOOOO clucky!!!!!!!!
I haven't been like that for years!!!!
Usually, I think get away from me ya nice as long as your over there.
I think it's different when it's a friend. There is a little baby about 6 or 7 months and I like to make her laugh she's cute.
Since I've been going back to small group - life seems so... wonderful!!!!
Having a job helps alot to my good mood.
I'm thinking about getting involved in the "Big Sister" program.
It's something that's kept poping up over time and I think I'll call them.
I thought I may not have enough time but it's only two to six hours a week.
I'll see what happens. I feel it's the right time for it.
When I was talking to Aussie the other night he asked why I go to church?
"Did you feel like something was missing in your life?"
"No, I don't know why. I was driving past it"
( Truth is that I felt great. There was no reason I just felt compelled to go in.
The people I have meet and things we have done - They are life changing.)

"Your a bible basher!!!!"
"How can you say that!!! You've knowen me for how long and it's only now you know that I'm a christian and go to church!!"
(It was said happy hearted - if you know what I mean.
I don't want to sound like I'm preaching - I don't think I am.
I don't go around announcing that I'm a christian.

I'm really happy :)))

I wonder about Jack - sometimes. He certainly had an impact on me. Certain people do.
The greatest will be Mark (The Jock strap who thought he was the world) - I smile now. I learnt a lot from knowing him even though it was for a short time - He changed my thinking forever beyond what he will ever know.
I don't look back and groan on anything. I remember how hard it was at that time but now I look back and smile.

The people at my work were wondering what would you write everyday in a journal???
I haven't said anything - But I know quite a few different things! heh heh :)
Maybe it's an over active brain!!!

They were kinda bagging it. I don't care. I love writing - songs, zine stuff, journal. I also love reading.
I read up on Joan of Arc today and I think She is FABULOUS, a real wonder.
I also like reading and learning about history. I like museums and History documentaries. I find it interesting.

I want to go to EGYPT !!!

Ok. I'm excited!!!!
I'm happy!!!!
I love life!!!!
I'm looking forward to christmas!!!!
Thea sent me a conteki form today and I want to go to Egypt!!!
She wants to go to Europe - so do I but I think I would prefer to do that when I had more time. And go where I want to go.
Italy - But i need money, A round the world ticket and spending cash.
That's my next big trip I think.
I don't mind going by myself, Altho it would be fun with Thea.
Together we run a muck! Two peas in pod, tweedly dum and tweedle dee, I jump you jump - I think even tho we are apart we are still good friends. I just get a bit left out when guys come on to the sceane. But I guess a friend is always there.

I doubt she will want to go to Egypt...

I got told today at work that I was doing a good job :)
I'll keep plodding along. One of the staff came and asked me a question yesterday and I knew the answer. Then today she comments that every thing is so organized. Another wanted an accounts number and my manager and I were the only ones who knew it and I told her what it was while my boss was still trying to look it up. So I was rather chuffed.
There has been a definate change. Today the other woman next to my desk she said
" What the F do I know" or something like thatRefering to work.
She didn't say F**k. I hadn't said anything. I still haven't sworn or said anything to anyone about it. They found out I'm a hairdresser today. I didn't really want to tell them. I guess because I then had to answer questions and I told them I still work just on Saturdays but some managers don't like their empployees to work two jobs.
Oh well.
I'm off to small group tonight :)) That's been really great.
I just hope I don't talk to much tonight.
I walked home from work yesterday it took one hour forty five minutes. I was stuffed by the end and really tired today.
I better be off. :))))

A bush walk is I guess Americans might call it a hike in a forrest.

The Work place

I couldn't write this at work in case someone looked over but- The launguage that they use at work is RIDICULOUS!!!!! Oh my GOD!!!
It's discusting!!!! Every one swares like a trooper!!! It took less then 15 minutes for F**K to be dropped and the boss wasn't in yet. When she came in It was Less then 5 minutes!! From HER!!!
It's discusting.
I found today tho - One person actually said " Oh the F word" talking about something.
Now I haven't said anything I just don't sware and I think she may have noticed.
They might realise eventually.
They are lovely people, really nice it's just that i've never heard so much swaring in one place in my LIFE!!!!!

Hey back online

Well what a week!!!
Out of all the weeks not to post it had to be this one!! I did write in the old pen to paper - but this is different.
Hears a short run down.
(Just an observation - when I started blogging I wrote like a diary entrance. Now I write to people but still with my journal thoughts -make sense??)
Anyway it's been a roller coaster ride.
Monday - I started my new job.
That night I had a "Street works" meeting. Jack was there (as he is co coordinator) and about seven others, it was my second AGM and it was ok.

Tuesday - Small group, was a really thinking night and I'm really enjoying it.

Wednesday - I had street works
Thursday - I went to see Mr Philosopher and his friend doing a performance for the Melbourne Fringe festival - which was quite good :) I love his humor.

Friday - Jack drops a bombshell - he's resigning from "street works"!!!!!
We have a meeting about it and I feel scattered. Shocked. A little lost. A little sad. But I get over it. (Now I've got used to the idea)
Go back to the second show and Video Mr Philosopher (not because he asked I figured how many times are him and his friend going to preform together and wouldn't it be nice for him to look back one day and maybe even show his kids) He might have others but what the hey!

Saturday - Go and see another show (which I met the performer Andrew on Friday) comedy which was different - maybe not exactly the comedy I'm into but it was good.
That night I "lost" my car. I thought it got towed! I parked in an area in not familiar with and I went to walk back to it and couldn't find it!
I got desperate and thought I'll ring Saint and see if he's around the area by any chance and he can tell me what to do. I have to admit I was SOOOO tired by Saturday night I felt a bit sick and I couldn't concentrate for more then five seconds. So it was no surprise that after about 15 or 20 minutes of me walking around the streets in skirt, boots a trip into a pub to get a cider and so that in hand I eventually found my car. Where was it?? I had walked past it but had looked the other way!!!LOL I looked into the restaurant which I had parked next to!!! I found it funny because it was just sooo dumb!! But I was REALLY REALLY tired and I'm hopeless when I'm tired!
I text saint not to worry and he was with Frank. I got a message back from Frank "You stupid Moron!!"
"GET LOST!!! ( I recommend Nth Melb)" :)
I then drove home through a red light and got flashed by a camera. Opps.
I'll be writing a letter to get out of that one.
It's debatable - I think.

Sunday - Go to another festival for "street works" and spend two hours manning a stall with two others. I ended up walking off and doing a bit more "out reach" as I like to call it - well that was for about the first half an hour the rest of the time I walked around and looked at stalls and watched the dog show which I then had a follow up visit to a puppy shop and an conversation with my mum telling me I'm not to buy a dog.
I know she's right but she's my concience and I knew I needed to be reminded.
After that I went to Bec's grave site and sat there for a bit. On Wednesday it will be three years since she died.
Then I went to Mons untill 6.30 and left there to go to the movies and watched a movie called Mother Teresa. It was the most moving, inspiring movie. By the end of it I had tears streaming down my face and was so touched.
I HIGHLY recommend it. I think it's classified as an art house movie.

So that has been my week. I have been soo happy.
Really content.
I felt a bit lost when Jack resigned. He's moved on to another job - which is good for him and he's still being used in a God pleasing way.

Works good. I don't like to say to much because last time I was starting to enjoy my job it ended!
But I'm plodding along and taking it in my stride.
Actually I'm at work now...It's 4.15pm and it's not too busy. I guess because it's a Monday.
Things at home have been ok, not to bad which makes me happy.
Speaking of being happy - I have been soooo happy!
I mean I've had moments but in general it's been really good.
I've been playing Josh and still writing. I want to start lessons but I might wait a bit.
On nice days I'm walking to and from work. It's nice in the sunshine. I'm going to a roller hockey practise meet on Wednesday. Should be interesting.
I've wanted to do that on Ice but there's not enough arenas.
I enjoy roller blading so I'll see what happens.

I have caught up on the week of my blogging fave's and I think to myself Sara gets alot of comments on her blog - heaps. How? She seems to post photos of her chest and legs... Hey good for her she looks great - However I can't see myself doing that :)) !!!

Tonight I'm going to Elliotts. He's tightening the fan belt in my car and I'll give him a massage as his shoulder is really sore.

That's what I would LOVE right now. I've been hangging out for one. A massage my back, shoulders and neck.
Ohhh a massage - See I can actually do a proper massage as I did a short course on it. So I really like it when someone can actually know what they are doing instead of doing the old slight rub on back thing.

After watching Mother Teresa a few things stuck in my mind.
One thing was "It's better to love then be loved"
"It's better to give, then it is to receive"
I'm going to watch it again and take down a few quotes. It really was an amazing movie. It got me back to the basic things in life. Simple things.

I've started my saving for a conteki tour next year. It could all go bust but at least I'll try.
Christmas is just around the corner and this year I'm going to do the home made gifts again. I like it and it makes things so much more personal.

Well that's my week I better go and do some work to finish up the day.
I'll do another smaller post tonight. :))))

This is the last post till next week

This is going to be the last post for the week.
I will not post for one week and will try not to touch my computer for that length of time too.
I’m spending way to much time on it and thinking about what I want to write on it.

Today I ended up calling Jay and asking if he wanted to go for a bush walk.
We ended up going the wrong way and ended up at a different place but with in the same bush land. (It’s HUGE)
Why did I ring him???? I’m still angry that he stood me up. Ok so he apologised for it BUT he LIED TO ME !!!!!
It’s not good enough.
A brief run down about what he did.
I invited him to a party type thing at my house it was one of those things where a lady comes round and shows off all different types of products and you can buy them.
I asked Jay if he could come around for it. He text back “Yes I Will be there, what do I bring?”
So that was the Friday before I sent that. On the Wednesday I sent out another text just reminding you don’t forget about Friday. No reply.
I rang him on Thursday and he didn’t answer his phone. So I left a message “Hi it’s me, I struggling to get people so can you bring your sister and anyone else who maybe interested?”
I rang again Friday – with no answer. Left the same message and added it starts at 7.30”
We waited for 15 minutes. Ok not only for him because the woman was late too but I was wondering when he will come.
He didn’t. He didn’t call, text – nothing.
I thought I hope he’s ok – he wouldn’t not just come.
I thought I’d know if something was really wrong he’s sister would call me.
So I waited for him to call. It took him three days. I ignored his call so he left a message “Hi Karen, How are you , can you call me when you get this message?”
Your not dead.
He could have called me.
You sound fine.
You should of called me. (I clench my teeth slightly just thinking about it.)
So after I ignore his calls and messages for a week I decide that I will answer the phone.
I was to angry before to talk to him.
He acted like there was nothing wrong!!!!
No. A friend won’t do that and get away with it.
“What happened last Friday?”
He’s put on the spot and obviously had been rehearsing the answer but I guess he wasn’t ready for my stuff this blunt attitude.
“Oh, I thought it was this Friday”
“What?! No you didn’t I text you called you and you ignored me!”
“You called…? When…?”
“I called you on the Friday before, sent you a text on the Wednesday called you Thursday and Friday left messages”
“Did you…? Oh… I didn’t get them-“
“Yes. You did. You know I’d expect that from Jack, My brother every other male. I wouldn’t expect that from you! You a friend! You didn’t even call.”
He laughs slightly to lighten the conversation.
“Well I am male so I guess there’s a little bit of that in me too!”
It doesn’t work.
“I know – I’m really sorry karen”
“Yeah. Anyway.”
We had small talk and I thought I’m just going to have to accept and move on.

Now I saw him today. We went and had a look in the little country shops and went for a bush walk. Every time he opened his mouth I just thought – you dick.
I compressed it and didn’t say or do anything horriable.
We talked.
You could feel the tension.
On the way home after dropping him off I thought why am I SOOO angry at him??
(Well that obvious) but why can’t I just accept it and move on?? I can with everyone else. I know why.
Because I had feelings for him. Only friendship – but he stood me up. In the worst way.
Then he lied to me. That just makes me feel so much better!
Whatever.
I harp on these people so much because I wouldn’t EVER do that . My father did it all the time to my brother he did it once to me. I will NOT stand for that. Ever.
This is where I guess my anger comes from. I don’t get hurt. I get angry.
I don’t do anything irrational. I just don’t talk to that person. I don’t think that’s irrational.( Maybe it is but that’s what I do.)
Maybe I just need time.
I don’t know.

Last night was ok. Joey was funny – nothing lost and it’s something different.

I start work tomorrow. I wonder how I will go. Considering that I’m not 100% certain about what I will be doing. What to wear… It’s smart casual.
I better be all conservative until I know I have the job and settle in.
I like it on Saturdays when I feel completely myself.


The news is on. Tears sting my eyes. Bali bomb blasts. Again. It brings up those memories of last time. Bec. I just pray that this will end.

Thea is overseas in KY. She’s fallen for a Christian guy who sounds really nice.
I don’t know how or what will happen with that one because of the whole distance thing. I think she’s driving six hours or maybe she’s flying over to go see him.
That’s quite a trip.

Well this is it till next Sunday.

Spending spree!

SPENDING SPREE!!!

I went shopping after work today pay packet in hand and went to buy ONLY the NECESSITIES.Make up. This is foundation and powder. I walked out with two foundations and one powder because they are discontinuing the stuff I like.
Then I walked past a shop with nice tops, another with accessories then another with a dress type look.
About $$ later I have A dress type thing, a belt,two tops, two foundations and powder.
I look for bargains. I don't ever pay $30 for one top. Ya got to at least get two for that!
So I did. I really needed the make up I needed it about three weeks ago so it's good to be able to get that again.
I also picked up my new boots. Again a bargain.

So I'm pritty much decked out for summer and next year.
I have to get rid of some clothes now.
Go through and throw out two other tops and a skirt.
I don't want to build up a monster amount of clothes I don't wear.

Work was great today - the Norm :)

I'm putting money away starting from today.
I'm going to try and put all hairdressing money into my little money box and save for my trip overseas.
When - I don't know.

I didn't end up going out last night I had a headache and went to ed at 7.30 and asleep by 8.
I woke up at 2am - wide awake. I watched some RAGE T.V then dosed on and off for the next three or four hours.

I got that Job, It sounds ok... We'll see how it goes. I'm not 100% sure what my role is exactly... hmmm.

I'm going out tonight to see "Jesusvsthekonganingas" should be interesting the guys performing it are funny and I think I've seen some of the performance during overload.

That's right - heh he.
Today after work we (my boss mk,workmate Deb and myself)were standing outside the shop and this client stops to chat to us, I was on my way out but just chatted with the others because I cut his beard into a goatee and the week later Deb cut his hair.
We (Deb and I) decided he's a bit weird. I walk around the corner to my car and he walks with me chatting. General work stuff. Then turned into weekend stuff.
I was just about to get into my car and he says
"Can I have your number?"
I smile "Oh, Sorry but Mk has a strict policy we are not alowed to go out with clients"
"really?"
"Yeah, sorry, I'm flattered but I can't risk my job"
He shrugged "Ok"
I got in my car and drove back to Deb and told her.
"I thought he would!!"
I told her what I said and she laughed.
Well it was a nice way to say no.

My blog isn't letting me have a Title and it's cutting my post in half! Hmmm....

I went shopping after work today pay packet in hand and went to buy ONLY the NECESSITIES.Make up. This is foundation and powder. I walked out with two foundations and one powder because they are discontinuing the stuff I like.
Then I walked past a shop with nice tops, another with accessories then another with a dress type look.
About $$ later I have A dress type thing, a belt,two tops, two foundations and powder.
I look for bargains. I don't ever pay $30 for one top. Ya got to at least get two for that!
So I did. I really needed the make up I needed it about three weeks ago so it's good to be able to get that again.
I also picked up my new boots. Again a bargain.

So I'm pritty much decked out for summer and next year.
I have to get rid of some clothes now.
Go through and throw out two other tops and a skirt.
I don't want to build up a monster amount of clothes I don't wear.

Work was great today - the Norm :)

I'm putting money away starting from today.
I'm going to try and put all hairdressing money into my little money box and save for my trip overseas.
When - I don't know.

I didn't end up going out last night I had a headache and went to ed at 7.30 and asleep by 8.
I woke up at 2am - wide awake. I watched some RAGE T.V then dosed on and off for the next three or four hours.

I got that Job, It sounds ok... We'll see how it goes. I'm not 100% sure what my role is exactly... hmmm.

I'm going out tonight to see "Jesusvsthekonganingas" should be interesting the guys performing it are funny and I think I've seen some of the performance during overload.

That's right - heh he.
Today after work we (my boss mk,workmate Deb and myself)were standing outside the shop and this client stops to chat to us, I was on my way out but just chatted with the others because I cut his beard into a goatee and the week later Deb cut his hair.
We (Deb and I) decided he's a bit weird. I walk around the corner to my car and he walks with me chatting. General work stuff. Then turned into weekend stuff.
I was just about to get into my car and he says
"Can I have your number?"
I smile "Oh, Sorry but Mk has a strict policy we are n