This is stupid but....

Well, I've come home from my outing.
I went and looked at an op shop, walked to a little fruit shop and brought one of those protein drinks.
I can’t bring myself to buy the powder.
Sick or not I look at those tins and think of my ex and that transformation in only two and ahalf months. 10 kg heaver, still looked good but wasn't exactly healthy.
I can’t just have a drink instead of food. I need to eat.

My best friend who’s engagement is on Saturday sent me a text message saying
“Less then a week – not long now!!!”
Yeah. I thought. I’m working that day and can’t see myself driving for two hours staying for two hours then driving home again after working five hours on my feet first day back.
I’m her bridesmaid, I have to go.
I don’t know when they are tying the knot but it’s no time soon.

I’m tired and I hardly did anything!!!
There are so many things that I want to do and I’m up in the country watching cable which is HIGHLY over rated and playing my guitar.
I was awake at 11pm last night writing, trying to get some sort of lyrics. In the end the pen was dropped and my eyes closed.
I rip off a few melodies and change them around and I get a verse or chorus but that’s it.
It’s just not coming to me at the moment. Poetry isn't either. Pen in hand and I get that block. Nothing comes.
I need to sleep.
I need to be inspired. Back home I go out into the city – come home from a performance and I can sit on my bed for an hour or two only stopping because the little voice in me says” You have to work tomorrow… Go to sleep”
I have to listen to my body.
It’s telling me to sleep now.

My brother is making me wary. He’s discovered the world of blogging.
I had to help him set up his and show him how it works.
“What’s yours?”
I look at him. It’s pretty obvious to me that he’s goggled me. Unfortunately I think he got onto it.
Certain things he says and does. Random comments he comes out with.
I guess I had this coming. Time to change my blog URL.
Maybe….
I don’t think I like the fact that he reads about my life.
He knows that he can't say anything because that would give it away.
That smile he gives me. I know how he thinks. He has this laugh too.
Well, I'm not the one whos posing as someone elce on the net. He's 26 and he's given a compleatly different name and he put down that he's 19!!!!!
Whatever! He put his photo onto the blog too. It's something called MSN ?? I'm not famillar with it. How do I know this? When he asked me to help him set it up I had to get into his profile part and saw it. He was sitting next to me looking saying you don't have to scroll over that do you?? Yeah, I did.
I shake my head. So no ones perfect but - oh whatever.
Once I tried my own experiment on him. Nothing bad, but I know how easily manipulated he is.
So just to prove a point if only to my self and my mum I told him that this man who was a pig of a person, a real prick.
I waited till my brother asked “is he the good or the bad one?”
“Oh no, He’s really nice. Sweet man. Everyone likes him”
Brother goes out and talks to man.
“Yeah, he’s really nice isn’t he. Yeah, good guy”
Pathetic. Really.
I tell him “ben” who is a great guy, just isn’t good and I can’t put my finger on it to why and when he meets him - “Yeah, something isn’t right with him.”
Now you may think what an awful thing to do to your brother but I wanted him to make up his own mind. He never does. He always goes on what other people think.
People who judge people on what others say – poor character. Maybe it’s working with the people on “street works” who remind me that you just can’t do that and get back to “reality”.
I think you always know what’s right, wrong, good or bad. It’s just listening to it.
I feel like I’m repeating myself. In a previous post and to an email to a friend.

So will I change you my little blog??? I know people have this address who know me, acquaintances some.

I’m rambling. So much for listening to your body. I really need to sleep.