oogle smmogle

Well, today was eventful. Not quite.
Jack came through for me today which is great because if spent pritty much the rest of the day on and off it. I missed not playing it.
Jack can be a sweetie. Nice to have him for a friend.
I saw Jay today, He's got himself into a bit of a whirlwind relationship. I just hope he doesn't get hurt. He's to nice for that.
I got and e mail from Thea today and seeing that she's on the other side of the world it makes it a little hard but I wish I could go see her.
Working out on street tomorrow night. Before hand I'm hoping to go fill in some time and help out this guy giving out flyers for he's comedy show.
I would love to be able to write lyrics and be able to play songs on my guitar.
Poetrys different but I even though I'd never show my stuff to anyone I still enjoy writing it.
I love watching performers. It's amazing how they pull it off especially if it's a tough crowd.
I brought a book today. I can't remember when I last brought a new book from the actually book shop, i usually just go down to the second hand book shop near where I live and pick out a romance novel written by Lucenda Edmond. A great read if you want to just loose yourself for awhile in steamy passion pages.
The book I brought today is called KOKODA by Peter Fitzsimons.
I've always thought about walking that track but money and time was always an issue.
I love reading about history, maybe one day I'll do it...
Nah - doubt it.

end of holidays

As I sit hear watching re runs of M*A*S*H I ‘m feeling like I’m a bit obsessed with the show. I’ve been watching it for days and I have it on video and I just can’t stop watching it, I love it.
I’ve been staying up at my mum’s in the country since Friday.
There’s something about waking up by a wet nose shoved in your face along with a wagging tail and huge smile that’s so nice.
I’ve spent today at a park lying in the sun dosing on and off on the cushy green grass.
We (mum and I ) have been going on walks, out for lunch, out to little country markets and relaxing. Playing with the dogs and patting the horses.
It’s nice for a little while.
I unfortunately haven’t been playing my guitar since Friday. I decided to tune it as it sounded a little off , now , it sounds really bad.
I can’t stand it, when you know how it should sound but it really doesn't sound anything like it.
Jacks agreed to tune it, tomorrow, wait to see if it happens.
Soccer season is just around the corner and I'm thinking about joining another team. One without so many players. It's better to play a full game with no subs rather then have five to seven subs and only get to play about 25 minutes.
Trying to get a group together and go out on Saturday night. I think going out with new/ and old friends all together is always a great night out.
Going home tomorrow then back t work on Wednesday. Glad it's a short week ahead.

Only the lonely

I have just come back from a rather nice night out with my mum and her friend Jim.
Now Jim and her are just friends but he's as keen as a dog on heat. The thing is his really quite nice too. It's funny seeing him dish out complements to my mum.
She gave me a few looks and a swift kick under the table when she thought I was saying to much but hey - She needed the talk and get me going and I don't shut up.
Jims a lonely widow of eleven years and it's nice to see that he thinks the world of mum and tells her so. He's desperate to take her out and do things with her so this is where I com in. Looks like were all going for a night out in the city.
It will be fun. I mean, I'll grab a friend, bring them along and that takes the pressure off mum.
My mum is always "busy". It's such an excuse. I think if she gave any guy half the chance she'll actually enjoy herself. She tends to cut them off at the knees before they even open the door.
there's something to be said for a guy who tells a woman how nice she looks when she's in an old gray polar top and jeans. No make up and a brush just quickly run through her hair.
Altho she did have a glow about her...
I think it would be nice. I think she has to just give the guy a break.
It was her idea to go and see him and just a little idea of mine to invite him out for dinner. She went along with it.
Mum and I went out for a walk along the river before hand and it was quite pritty.
The country is ok for the day but I have a feeling that I'll be leaving early Tuesday morning.
Gee. What would it be like to be living by yourself for eleven years? Ok, I'm guessing if you like your own company but awful if you are lonely.
Funny. One of our conversations today was that I find it hard to see myself raising a family with a husband. I mean, I'm sure it can be done but I can't picture it.
My mum raised us alone so I don't really know how it could be done.
I mean, I know what I would expect but I just can't picture it. Doing it alone is what I know.
oh well, time will tell on that one.
I haven't spoken to Steelo for over a week yet I think about him but never get the chance to call before it gets to late at night.
I heard a phrase called "Dutch courage" you know when you have a few beers and you start to talk - and talk and talk. Some which is true and some of which is utter babble. I have been thinking of this Dutch courage and I smile as I recall the ONLY time I have ever made a drunk phone call was to a guy I liked and I left four messages on his answering service on his phone all of which told him how I thought he was pritty much the best thing since sliced bread. The days that followed I was only to be told that I actually left FIVE messages - and to tell you the truth I remember only four but I still can't remember what exactly I said. I do remember trying to get my point across that I thought he was worth it and when another drunk friend leaned over me and whispered /(shouted) "Tell him you love him!"
Yep, Dutch courage alright but at the time I ment what I was saying.I was rather embarrassed but I still today wouldn't take any of it back.
This is my thoughts. Should everything just get brushed off when "Dutch courage" kicks in and be taken that they don't mean a word of it or should it have truth in it in which should just be keep in storage and only ever to be revealed the next time or when the right moment comes along.

Well, finally I have a lap top and it's my own personal computer. So now I can go back to regular entries.
In the past few weeks I have got myself a full time job and it's been great.
I've been going out with Jay and catching up with friends.
Oh it's so nice to have money again altho bills,car and cat come before moving out and that's looking to hold me back for another few weeks.
It's taking me just under an hour to get to work and that's if I leave at 7.30am when I start work at 9.30am! I arrive in heaps of time to spare but I figure it's that or leave later and add another 20min to my travel time. Melbourne's peak hour traffic!
It took one hour and fifteen minutes to get home the other night.
I want to move house, it's cheaper to share and I'm starting to think that I'd like to move inner city. It's closer to everything.
I think my little car is slowly dying and needs an overhurl.
I've been feeling the love with my family lately. My family, as such is my two mums,two younger sisters and brother and one older brother.
No, I haven't got a new age gay family, my two mums are actually best friends and the younger siblings are her kids as my older brother is blood related.
These people I consider my family. To try and explain what it's like, feels like well your own family. You love each other always but you never have to try at anything. You don't talk for awhile and no one cares or wonders why and the next time you see them it's all the same.
Anyway I saw the youngest of the girls Katie today and it amazes me how much she has grown up. I mean, she will always be the baby but she's now 19 and driving.
How time flys.
I've been learning the guitar for three months now, still like it and I'm thinking that the only good thing about driving to work is that I get to think of a few words to tunes and stuff like that. As long as I don't completely loose my focus and ram up the tail end of the person in front I should be fine.
Altho I've had a few near misses.
Good Friday dinner which tonight consisted of my brother, mum and I sitting around the table, which is somewhat a novelty until we actually sit down together and remember why we don't do that anymore but we managed.
I'm thinking that I can talk myself out of any type of feeling.
It's been a little harder then usual in the past few weeks but once again I'm sure I'll get over it.
When a certain person enters your thoughts and you smile at the thought of them, I , at that very moment remind myself why single life is a better option.
It's crazy how sometimes feelings can take over your perception of what reality really is.
Anyway not going to go there just yet.

Life, loves and Mr Right

I've been thinking about my relationships with people lately.
At least with Jack we both know where we stand.
Steelo too. (I'm thinking)
I know where everyone stands with me and no one is standing anywhere near my heart.
That's how I want it.
Is it really hard to see that? Am I making a mistake by making friendships with other people? I'm never out to hurt anyone or give anyone the wrong impression.
I've had conversations with friends about what I want in a person and a relationship.
I think regardless - I'm making sure that it won't happen for a very long time.
Can't people just be friends?!?
Is it really that hard?
How can things be taken the wrong way?
I'm feeling really great and positive in the decisions I'm making at the moment in my life and with the people around me.
I love just being able to be myself. To go out and be totally able to relax and have fun. I haven't felt like this for a long time and it's great.
I'm having fun with people I enjoy to be around. Is that a bad thing?
I'm thinking as long as no one gets hurt in the process then it's fine.
Do I have a Mr Perfect in mind? A Mr Wonderful? How about a Mr Right? Or What about Mr right now?
Not quite. No. As I have been asked before "what if Mr Right comes along now? What would you do?"
I figure if he was Mr Right then - I don't have all the answers.
I've been playing my guitar and that's been my enjoyment.
I've also been writing as my computer is down at home and have to use my mums when I occasionally come to visit.
The stress of starting a new job, family,moving house, lack of sleep and "V" and the Red bull caffeine drinks are taking a toll of sorts.
But it's only for the time being.

Ten days in passing...

Sooo much can happen in ten days!
How life can turn around and attitudes too.
I have been really happy lately. I've been seeing friends and having fun.
I ended up going to see the Evermore band play they had sold out but then Frank text me saying that the person he was going with wasn't able to make it and if I wanted her ticket, It was just as good as I'd hoped. Frank and I had a good night, it was nice to be completely yourself and have no maybes` about anything.
Wednesday was great out on street. A really funny night and came away smiling.
It's great to get to know different people. On the street and in the group.
Thursday I went to watch Jack in his band.
They played really well. Goosey didn't end up meeting me there but I just sat with Jacks girlfriend.
I was told On Thursday that I had lost one of my two salon jobs. The one on Thursday night, Saturday and Sunday. My boss had been asked to leave the salon. So I was out of a job there.
Friday was eventful. I ended up loosing my other job the Friday and Monday one. It wasn't busy enough and they weren't at a profit. Luckily as God would have it I was working and had been on trial since Tuesday that week.
I had wanted to go to the rialito towers since I got back from overseas. I had put out an e mail awhile ago and friends said that they would come but we never made a time. Saint was one of these people.
So Friday came I wanted to go and I remembered Saint said he'd come. So I text him and we organized to go out, but then I figured that we were both coming from work so the best thing to do is have dinner too.
I'm driving on my way home and I get a phone call from QLD relatives and (excuse the expression) but shit had hit the fan. Cutting it short physical violence, police, knifes,anger and threats to take children ( x 3 of them) and a 14 month old child caught in the middle of all this. Can't choose family.
Anyway, I was a bit shaken but it's hard when you can't do anything about it when your so far away. All I could do is pray, so I did.
Not long after I met up with Saint and tried to put it all aside.
Didn't work but I ended up having a nice night anyway. We popped in on the street team which was on that night.
Again a nice night.
Saturday I was told that I officially had been given the full time job at the Salon I had wanted. Yea!! Money, income, I can move out!
I went out to dinner with Jay then came home and watched my brother and he flirt and tried to see the amusing side to it.
Sunday
Went to the Beer gardens in the city. It was ment to be a gathering of street team members and friends alike.
By the time I got there Frank and Saint were well on there way to being very happy with there beer in hand.
I met some other people who had come along and we all talked and again I love getting to know people more then on just a team level.
After a few hours Frank, Saint and Co. All went to a pub in Richmond. There I met
a guy by the name of Christian. He was nice enough, he was a friend of a friend - you know how it goes. Anyway we swapped numbers. (he ended up texting me that night saying he should of stayed with us as he had an early quiet night.)
Now Frank had quite a few drinks and was very merry. Saint had left to go home leaving Frank, he's admirer Anne and myself to see the night out. We had a pritty good night including dancing to the old time songs with some drunk unknown random guy who wanted to dance with me, chatting with some locals and having fun.
When that pub closed we headed off to get some food and then into a night club.
Yes, the typical young drunken guy who rubs my arse and asks who I'm hear with occurred and in my kind to the point way I told him to "Get your hand off my arse."
Hmm. Blunt - maybe. But regardless I had a great night all up.
Monday, after having late nights and working I slept in a little then went out for lunch with my mum and close friends which I refer to as family.
So in all this I've decided to move out for about three months, just for a break from living with sibling. I'm moving in with Elliott and two other guys.
Steelo called tonight - I was only thinking about him today. Thinking I should drop him a line and see how he's going.

Trials and busy days

I'm not sure that I have done the right thing putting my overseas journal on blogspot. Well it's done and I'm thinking I'll delete it at the end of the week.
I'm thinking I'm becoming to much of an open book.
When writing it I did think I was going to give it to my best friends to read any how.
But it's like this, you tend to forget that you can't put every thought on the blog and you end up almost doing so.
Well you do, but then you think who cares.
Last night was good out on street.
Jack seemed a little - different, The "streeties" were great but I'm told to remember back to what I wore last week, I'm thinking it was a hot night but I had on a jacket and under that a black singlet top ( not a revealing one) and under that I had on my bikini top. You could just see the blue straps around my neck but supposedly that's enough to get a young male and old turning nothing into something.
In the first ten minutes all Jason talked about was how he preferred last weeks fashion and if I could wear it again sometime? Huh?
I wasn't aware that even a scratch on your arm could be considered as a come on of some type. So I made sure that he wasn't oggling at any covered part of me but a strange feeling like he's eyes were undressing me, made me ditch him and I walked off.
He's a little strange, I think he's just socially inapt.
I worked today 9.30 am till what was ment to be 12.30pm. So I had it all worked out I'd come home have a sleep, shower, put effort into my hair and make up, have lunch,pick out nice clothes and leave myself 50 minutes to get there. Well. That didn't happen. My boss asked me if I could stay till 2 pm She had work for me . I need the money and I like it there so I thought - I'll skip the nap.
1.30pm came and there's a phone call. The other girl I work with isn't coming in her boyfriend was involved in a car accident. I'm upset for her and really hope he's ok. Our problem was she was booked out tonight.
"Kaz, could you work tonight?"
I don't know I have my trial tonight.."
"Can you check and see if you can?"
"ok"
So I ring the other salon and turns out I've got a couple of cuts and a color booked in. So I need to go in.
"Sorry I can't stay"
"how long can you stay till?"
"Ar - 3ee I guess..."
"Oh, that would be wonderful, thank you"
2.30 comes I've had about 5 minutes to eat some lunch, I go and get it from coles supermarket and I stand in a line but then change to a less line and figure that I'll get through quicker because there's only one person in front of me. WRONG> The check out chic is so bloody slow,talking and STOPPING what she's doing to actually talk some crap to this woman in front of me!!! I'm looking at her like - come on!!
By this point I'm debating to ditch my lunch and go back to work but no I can't I'm hungry. She finally gets to me
"Hi, how are you today" - the usual banta.
"In a hurry" I say a little more on the annoyed side.
"Have you been busy today?"
" -Yeah, I have been today" changing my tune. - oh crap. I'm wearing my Salon top which has where I work on it spread all over it with HAIR TEAM smacked on the back of it. In HUGE lettering. I cringe inside. Smile, "see ya later"
Oh crap I forgot about that. Not only does it say where I work but also what I do. Argh. Back in salon.
"Kaz, can you roll this perm then after that you can go"
I looked at it, this pedantic little lady.
All the time, from 2 pm I'm going over in my mind what part I'm skipping in my becoming stress to get ready for my trial.
So it's 2.40pm and I'm winding this perm which usually takes me a good 45 to 50 min to wind cos we don't do a lot of them so I haven't got my time up.
So I'm looking at this head and I get to work. Half and hour she's wound and I'm off and running through the shopping center like someone who's just nicked a bag or something it's now ten past three and traffic is building.
So I'm running through the center not to, to fast but I'm dodging a couple of people.
I get to the escalator -"Excuse me " I say as I'm hurrying past.
They weren't in the way, I was just being polite because I was hurrying past.
Ok - maybe running/jogging past - but not to fast! Anyway I don't think they were to impressed,"Excuse me"
"ARGH!!"
A stupid old lady cried! Well she wasn't that old maybe 70..
I'm thinking - Oh whatever! I didn't touch her,stupid,no need to scream.
"Hair Team"
Oh shit, I feel my top,look down and yes I ran out forgetting to put on my jumper. Oh, crap I'm walking / running publicity for my work and I'm giving people bad feelings towards me. Oh, no.
Now I'm late. There's no time to shower so a quick splash of water on my face,grabbed a banana and make up bag ran out of the house and did my hair and make up in the car, got a good run with the traffic lights, I called to say I was going to be a little late but 4.32pm and I'm walking in to the next salon.
To my surprise when I rang she was really good about it all. She actually was impressed and liked the fact that I helped out my boss and that I was still coming in to her salon! So even that I probably didn't look 100% like I wanted to she still liked me and by the end of the night she asked if I could come in for a weeks trial.
So it's a positive step and the place and environment was really warm and welcoming and everyone was really nice. The other girl woman who works there travels one hour and fifteen min to get to work! So something has got to be good to keep her traveling in that far.
I figure if God wants it to happen, it will.
Steelo messaged me tonight. Nice.
We chatted and were going out tomorrow night. He mentioned me coming to see him in Sydney - I'm thinking he kinda likes me... hmmm.
I don't know if I can figure it out. Why?
oh well.
Tessa (my cat) is crying to get out, but all she wants to do is go and act all big to the cat next door. It's funny she just stands there and screams! She's getting guts in her older age :-) She's so cute! The scream just gets louder and louder but she doesn't move!
I got Ben lee's album on CD really good.
Guitars going well, still a long way off playing in front of anyone but - ya get that :-) It's fun.
My brother's been away all week and I'm so much happier and relaxed! I wish it was like this all the time!

Dogs and people

The interview went well yesterday and I'm having a trial on Thursday. I just have to work full time for now. Pay off all debts and then change jobs or at least get a steady income. This Salon offers everything I would be looking for. Training, position, it's on a strip outside so you can see out the windows ( that's a big thing for me, I like to be able to at least see daylight) The people seem nice and family knit sort of business which is really nice, the hours are great and I would be able to keep my Sunday job because this place doesn't work Sundays. So it seems really good. I just hope they want me. She interviewed another person before me, that guy seemed a little full on. The money is above the award, I think. Bonus system or something on top of it. Time will tell.
I've finally finished writing out my overseas blog. It took forever.
Why do I write this? It's addictive.
I want a dog.
Steelo, Elliott and I went out to the Yarra river yesterday. It was a lot of fun!
We canoed/rafted down it. Steelo and I on one and Elliott and Bella (Stellos dog) on the other. It was hilarious to see Elliott launch into the water holding Bella on her back all paws flying around down a small drop from the embankment!
She ditched him a few times but she stayed on for the ride when the water was still.
Steelo and I fell out a few times and it was funny trying to get back onto the canoe/raft thing!
I've only done it once before, but this was better.
The little rapids were fun, altho we lost it a few times and ended up on the rocks rather then in the boat!
Afterwards Steelo came back and we cooked dinner.
Bella was out side. It's so nice just having a dog around for company and it gives a secure feeling about the place.
Cats are good but dogs are different.
Last night was good. Nice :-)
I might go have a sleep. Late nights are catching up and I'm out again tonight with "street" work. (voluntary work - not hooker stuff!)

Psychic readings and spinning crap

I just wrote out a new post and deleted it!! Crap!
I went to a clairvoyance expo yesterday. I was told by this guy who was giving my mum a reading that "You walk around with a big target on your back and everyone seems to be hitting against it. Why? You wonder? It's because of your attitude."
Well thanks Mr "I could have told you that" myself, But I think what gave it away was my "I don't give a stuff" expression on my face and how I was sitting elbow on table head on hand waiting.
Nothing to interesting was said and it sounded like a hoax to me.
I'm smiling thinking how cynical my writing and any poetry is. It's always been that way! It's funny even when I really try not to be then I re read it and at the start it's love and flowers by the end it's hate and death! Well - maybe not death but close to it!! Maybe I need some love in my life - Nah, It would only in time be turned to that person! Not a good move! Ha ha! Typical!
I think the head manager at work gets the point that I don't want to be involved in any bitchyness that he goes on about. Good, I hope that will bring a bit of professionalism into the salon. I hate it being so unprofessional.
I have an interview for a full time job tomorrow as a hairdresser. Great. Yep, this is what I want to do. Not quite. There is NO money in hairdressing unless you work your ass off and even then working six days,two late nights and all weekend doesn't give you any life.
I want to move out and can't find anywhere inner city which is $100 or less.
Kinda hard, but keep looking.
I wonder where I'll travel to next? Who with?
No point starting up anything with anyone when I want to leave eventually.
Not that I have anyone in mind anyway. That's a good thing. I don't want to get thinking about anyone now, it's to hard even liking someone! To many emotions needed for that!
I smile now and as cynical as I may be at least I'm happy - for now...