3 days to go...

Well It’s Sunday and my car didn’t get sold so I’m taking it up with me.
I have to go and drop it off at the depo place this afternoon.
I packed the boot with all that I could.
Last Thursday I went out for dinner and just about everyone I invited came along.
I got extremely drunk and crapped on in my speech but I love it and everyone had a good time. That was Thursday. I had to still come into work on the Friday. I came in on time and I wasn’t too bad then about three hours later 9am I was going to the toilet contemplating chucking. I decided to go and get a couple of sandwiches. That perked me up a little.
Then they really surprised me, they put on an afternoon tea with nuts, rice crispies, dip and stuff that I eat because they usually just have cakes and I don’t eat it. They then brought out earrings, a pendant, photo album and then a HUGE bunch of flowers!
I was speechless!! (and hungover) The flowers were Yellow and red, they looked cheery and the head Boss (who knows me quite well) said “Aren’t they your type of flowers with the yellow paper too. They say what you are a little ray of sunshine” then the others laughed and agreed.
I was amazed how every one really cared and thought about me in such a happy way.
My manager said a nice speech and in the end of me working there we were getting along a lot better. When Nick left he bolted out the door and didn’t even say anything. Not even a general good bye. He’s obviously got the problem.
So that was Friday.
Then came my last working Saturday. I’m going to really miss them. Mk and Deb were so helpful in everyway possible. Mk was more then just my boss. He gave me advice, a shoulder to cry on and he showed me what a father should be like with his kids and partner. Deb was the same. She gave me a laugh many times and I’ll really miss them.
The other Deb2 too.
She’s a beautiful person and I’m really going to miss them all.
The thing is that I’m coming back for visits and for my best friends wedding in October, so I’ll still see them all.
I got a 4 page letter from on of the girls I work with, a massive card that everyone signed and wrote like a paragraph on. Mk, Deb & Deb gave me a gold necklace and a philosophy book on positive thinking. I haven’t looked at the cards I got just yet (I peaked at the big one) I read the first page of the letter and thought I’ll read the book I got and the rest on the plane.
Last night Sab sent me a text “I’m gonna marry u!”
I text back my first response “R u dunk??”
He replied with that he wasn’t he just had a great day at work and he was feeling good thinking about me.
Later when we were talking I said to him “ I think you love the thought of me rather then me” He said that that wasn’t true.
I’m worried that when I fall off that ped stool (which will happen) I just hope he handles it ok and continues to love me.
He keeps reassuring me that he’s not going anywhere but I’ve never lived with anyone full time except my brother and that stupid house mate that ended bad cos he
Turned into a stalker! Not to me but I saw him do it to his ex girlfriend. Weirdo.
Sab says that we’ll share all the chores. Making dinner and we’ll help each other.
I know it’s going to be hard and we will have disagreements but we’ll get over it together. It’s a partnership. I know one thing for sure and that is that I’ll never be the one doing everything. I’ve learnt from my mistakes and from my mums. But here’s the thing – Sab he’s not like anyone I have ever known.
I’m really wanting to get there see him be with him and start my life together.
Looks like I’m flying out on Wednesday :)

Hopefully one week to go

m in the mist of trying to sell my car, pack all my things up and tie up all loose ends.
I’ve taken a thousand dollars off my car and I’ll probably have to accept a much lower price. Dam. Oh well.
I’m selling my push bike and I’ve given away heaps of clothes and stuff to the op shop.
By this time next week I want almost everything packed.
What’s not packed means that it’s what I need to wear for the following last two or three days before I leave.
This is all well and good BUT if I don’t sell my car I have to wait hear until I do hence why the price is going to be slowly brought down. But I have my limit and it’s not going any lower than that.
I hate selling it.
I’ve slowly got rid of my attachments to it.
Now it’s just a car that I have to sell. Sab wants mw up there ASAP and I want to be up there too. I want to start my life with him, I want to start a new job and I’m ready for a change.
Sab is so full on. I’ve never had anyone wanting me so much. It’s a little full on but I have to remind myself that this is what I deserve. Everyone else tells me this so I have to start and believe it.
His amazing. He truly is a wonderful person.
I wish he was with me now.
I’m tired.
Might go nap before I go out to this engagement.

…..I hope he doesn’t get tired of waiting for me….

Well...

Wednesday.
I felt like a train hit me today. Deb from work has a brain tumor. She goes in on Friday to see weather it’s benine or not. I’m getting chocked up thinking about it.
She’ll be ok. Oh God please let her be ok.
That’s not air! It never is.
Sigh. Poor Deb and Mk.


It’s Tuesday.
Sab came down for the long weekend. I finished at 1pm on the Friday and went to pick him up.
I was very excited and stressed because the flight he told me he was on, wasn’t actually a flight… I figured it all out but I forgot my mobile phone and I thought if I missed him I couldn’t contact him! I was relieved when I saw him walking down towards me in the foyer.
It was sooo good to hug him and feel him again.
Really good :)
So in short, I meet his sister, niece and he met my mum and my brother.
We had a wonderful long weekend together.
We spoke about lots of things and one of which was Damon.
So Damon is staying at my mums. My decision. It would be nicer for him cos it would just be to lonely and I wouldn’t have time to spend with him.
So we talked about lots of different things and he actually says to me
“I like you for you and I don’t want you to change.”
Now he seen me in my very stressed moments and very annoying moments and happy. I’ve just been completely myself and last night we were lying down and
He said “I love you”.
I said it back and yes, it may sound all mushy and stuff but we love eachother.
He’s wonderful. Really special.
So everything it for sale and I’m moving up in 2 weeks.
:)

What he does to me....

Well I gave in my 3 weeks notice today and my car is on ebay. I’m about to put it on another car site.
I’ve got butterflies going nuts in my stomach.
I’m soooo worried that he’s going to change he’s mind. I feel like he’s put me on a pedestal and he’ll come down on Friday and think she really isn’t worth it and he’ll want to talk.
Sigh.
I’m going to fall off that pedestal and I’m so scared. I’m giving up everything my job, my car, my family and friends.
I told him in my drunken state that I loved him.
I feel very strongly for him, I really didn’t think he would say it back. I didn’t really want him to because it’s easier just to let him know where I’m at.
Last night he sent me a text.
“luv u”
I looked at it and was like, did he really just do that by text??
He was a bit drunk. Telling me how much he wanted me there with him and stuff.
I replied but instead of sending the whole text I accidentally sent it
“you just text me that”
“Yep!” was his response.
I was taken aback. My first thought was no – you don’t.
I can’t help it.
He doesn’t want me to doubt him but with my history with my father and lies from everyone and never feeling good enough or loved by him or anyone and then with his more recent comments about how I look – Well… I just don’t believe that someone will really ever feel the same way about me as I do them.
Sab is wonderful. Really is. He’s caring, sweet, thoughtfull, he always wants to help if he can and he has this wonderful warmth about him. When I’m with him I feel so happy. It sounds really lovey-dovey and maybe a little Jerry Maguire /ish but when I’m with him I feel complete.
Sigh. Last night I continued with my text. With
“Wow. Distance makes the heart grow fonder…Beer alters thinking & does the same thing… Sorry I can’t quite believe it…..I really want you right now, sooo much :( How can I wait till Friday??! Tell me when your sober I don’t want you to regret it…..X”
I was blunt and pretty much shut down his feelings. I wasn’t sure if I should have sent it but I mean “luv u” sent by text message…. I knew he was trying to say it over the phone but I wanted to hear it from him in person.
Text is the easy way out. I know tho if he said it to me over the phone I would have probably not known what to say. I just want him to hold me and I want to wrap my arms around him and just ….get that great feeling. When he takes it another step by text it kinda made me think maybe it’s Dutch confidence.
Maybe he didn’t mean it.
Maybe he wanted to take it back.
I really hope I didn’t hurt his feelings with that text.
I sent him another one saying that, and he didn’t respond to it.
He doesn’t want me to doubt him but I just think that I’m not as good as he thinks.
He’ll come hear and be disappointed.
My friends are telling me that I’m crazy. Fi was really happy when I told her she actually said “Finally someone who treats you the way you should be”
I know he’s different from anyone I’ve meet. He makes me feel beautiful on the inside as well as the out because when I’m with him I’m completely myself.
He’s a little silly sometimes as I can be and I like that about him.
I don’t want to hurt his feelings by doubting him and not taking his feelings for me or real but I really wish I could feel like I deserve to be loved like the way he treats me but I almost feel guilty when he does things for me. I love it, I’ve never had it before.
I love the way we are together.
I just wish I knew what he thought to that text.
Maybe I’m blowing it all out of proportion….I just want him with me and I have to wait 3 weeks until I go up there but only 4 days until he comes down on Friday….

When I was single I almost oozed confidence within myself – I guess he’s the first on in a ages that’s gotten through that wall I put up. Funny I didn’t really feel myself put it up when I met him and was with him it’s only developed now.
I hope he still thinks I’m worth it.

one week to go

One week to go until Sab comes down……. :D

I’m looking forward to it and so is he.
I think I’m giving in my notice at work this Monday I think you have to give 3 or 4 weeks.
I’m tired and anaemic, but happy because I have thoughts of him.
I gotta go have a nap.