I'm the meat in the sandwich at work, out of work and in the family. And I hate it.

Ohh.....Today I am the meat in the sandwich.
Work was soooo busy!!! Sooo soo busy. I have got heaps to do and today is when I start to juggle ten things at once. Now Brian gave me the BEYOND irratates. I sent him a few messages yesterday saying that the milk needs to be picked up please call me. This morning he still hadn't called and I was going to have to pick it up myself.
During my one hour lunch break. I was SO ANGRY that he didn't call. FURIOUS.
This is my problem with Brian.
He will do anything for anyone. He will put himself out to the utter MAX.
He drove this guy home (out of his way of course) and HE FELL ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL and went through a red light!!!!! Thank God he missed the cars!
Even thou he can't do it he will still say yes and just kill himself to do it. I think he does it to... I think it's to say "look at me this is what I do".
This is me being a bitch. I'm angry.
It takes me a fair bit to get to the point where I crack and swear. Well today I cracked.
I got hold of Brian before my lunch break.
"Are you getting the milk?"
"Ar - no, I'm at work till 3"
"So I'll have to get it.Can't you get it after work"
"Yeah ok I'll be in burwood so I may not make it in time"
"You'll make it. There's not much traffic then"
"Ok"
I text jack and find out it actually closes at 4pm.
Brian won't make it.
I sent Brian a text "I'll get it"
I was fuming. The FACT that he didn't call anyone!!! He couldn't pick up the milk and he didn't tell ANYONE!!! He didn't EVEN CALL ME BACK!!!! FUMING. FUMING.
Jack tells me where to go to pick up the milk. Works flat out and I feel bad leaving for the full hour and then I add I may be ten or fifteen minutes late - but I'll really try to be back in time.
So I'm on my way to go get this milk. I've got ROAD WORKS!!!
FUMING.
I FINALLY get onto the freeway and I get a phone call.(not Brian) I end up not being able to listen to him figure out where I was I ask him if I have missed the exit - I DID!!!!! I GOT ON THE WRONG EXIT!!! FUMING!!!! I start to loose the plot.
I was so stresses out!!!! I needed to get this milk,get back to work on time AND FINISH ALL MY WORK THAT I SHOULD OF BEEN DOING AND I REALLY SHOULD HAVE HAD JUST HALF AN HOUR FOR LUNCH AND STILL WORKED THROUGH IT!!!! F**K!!!!
I turn my car around and drive back to work because by this time I was sooo late and still had no milk. I get to work. Just over ten minutes late. My boss is never angry and today she was not happy. She gave me a killer look, she was stressed out with all her work that she had to do and mine continued to pile up. I was trying to get my work done when I start getting messages on my phone. It's on silent but I read them and I tried to keep them brief. I don't like texting at work or answering my phone. I won't anymore. It's not professional and I'm just too busy sometimes.
BUT anyway my boss cracked it at me, I got behind in my work, I didn't get any milk, I drove like a manic to the other side of the world and back which ended up being for nothing. When I got back I was really busy then I get a phone call Wednesdays mail got lost in Transit. I stop my work and try to chase it up.
doesn't happen. I end up having to spend 15 minutes to photocopy Wednesdays papers.
I ask this guy if he's busy hoping he can give me a hand - he didn't look to busy.
He said he was.
"That's ok - I think I'll be ok"
I didn't get all my work done. He whispered to me later that he'll try to help but his two "supervisors" don't like him helping me because he's meant to be helping them.
So I feel like I'm not doing a good job. That I'm being a pain.
He's really kinda sweet. The guys there are.
The girls are too but I wish if they had a problem they would just tell me! Sigh.
If I have a problem I usually say so. I use tact.
Build a bridge and get over it.
I feel that they don't. They keep it all in and when that person walks out - Wham! The truth comes out.
I couldn't care less what they thought of me as a person but I want to know if I'm not doing the job properly or being a general pain.
I need a hug.
I just want to off load my self in a hug.
I am also the meat in the sandwich with my cousin and her ex husband.
That REALLY sux.
I worry about the kids they are all under the age of 11.
Five of them.
God today was so stressful! I'm organizing a show at work, An annual dinner at "Street works" dinner, I've been thinking about this dog I saw and want to "save" I find out tonight if I get it - I've been praying about it and to top it ALL OFF today the Milk and the deep underling issues with a few people regarding the Annual dinner - I got angry.
I was FLAT OUT ALL DAY AND I GOT ANGRY!!!

I needed to vent.

I love everyone.
I truly do.

I'm off to street works soon.
When I saw this dog I cried. I felt so sorry for it. Skin and bones. Timid and afraid. Sad.
I hope the guy comes with it tonight and decides to let me have it.

I just want to do the right thing by people.
Hence I don't like to bitch about people. I don't like to say Negative things about people especially if it's ever aimed at one person.I don't do it.
With of the exception of Brian but he does have he's good points.
I think we are all just a little strained at the moment.
I get hurt for the person people talk about. I think they are probably not completely like that. Where the hell has respect gone??? If they are like that don't you think they have good reason??? I want to cry! I feel the tears.
I feel so sorry for the people every one talks poorly about. They really run this guy down not a single thing has been said positively about him.
He's about 50 and OBVIOUSLY to me he's got a problem.
I mean somethings not right. He's a little different...Slow - I think he's socially not adapted. Doesn't really know how to deal with people. I feel sorry for him. People don't understand.
I want to cry for him. I'm upset about what Jack said and how I can see why he said it. He was upset and angry.
I'm upset because things just hit the fan today. I'm upset because of the dog.
Great. Now I'm letting the tears fall.
This is what I do I get angry but I guess all my anger is really just my hurt, disappointment - my feelings. I have since I was a kid just got angry.
I didn't really cry. Everything would boil and I'd blow up.But I'd just end up sobbing and letting it all out. Sometimes by myself mostly with my mum.
I guess today I was just stretching myself out and I shouldn't of. I was told to just buy the milk and get re embers. I did feel a little lighter when I was told that.
I have a rock in my chest and throat that just wants to come out.
I want to play "josh".
I want a hug and be told not to worry.
I guess we don't always get what we want. I look to God and I feel like it's going to be ok. It's not in my hands and stop worrying.
I feel like I've probably blogged to much. I've said to much. I've exposed the me that comes out when I get angry and upset.
What if someone I know reads this? I guess they will just know me more deeper then I think they know me.
It's just as easy to find the good in people as it is to find the bad.
Focus on the good and just except the bad.
Build people up don't shoot them down.
Let people make up there own minds if they like a person - don't fill their head with negativity hence leading to them thinking poorly of them.
This is living. Life. Focus on the positive.
I say this just after I verbally bash the crap out of Brian on my blog. Oh well it's how I feel - No one's perfect.
Hence neither is my spelling.