What he does to me....
Well I gave in my 3 weeks notice today and my car is on ebay. I’m about to put it on another car site.
I’ve got butterflies going nuts in my stomach.
I’m soooo worried that he’s going to change he’s mind. I feel like he’s put me on a pedestal and he’ll come down on Friday and think she really isn’t worth it and he’ll want to talk.
Sigh.
I’m going to fall off that pedestal and I’m so scared. I’m giving up everything my job, my car, my family and friends.
I told him in my drunken state that I loved him.
I feel very strongly for him, I really didn’t think he would say it back. I didn’t really want him to because it’s easier just to let him know where I’m at.
Last night he sent me a text.
“luv u”
I looked at it and was like, did he really just do that by text??
He was a bit drunk. Telling me how much he wanted me there with him and stuff.
I replied but instead of sending the whole text I accidentally sent it
“you just text me that”
“Yep!” was his response.
I was taken aback. My first thought was no – you don’t.
I can’t help it.
He doesn’t want me to doubt him but with my history with my father and lies from everyone and never feeling good enough or loved by him or anyone and then with his more recent comments about how I look – Well… I just don’t believe that someone will really ever feel the same way about me as I do them.
Sab is wonderful. Really is. He’s caring, sweet, thoughtfull, he always wants to help if he can and he has this wonderful warmth about him. When I’m with him I feel so happy. It sounds really lovey-dovey and maybe a little Jerry Maguire /ish but when I’m with him I feel complete.
Sigh. Last night I continued with my text. With
“Wow. Distance makes the heart grow fonder…Beer alters thinking & does the same thing… Sorry I can’t quite believe it…..I really want you right now, sooo much :( How can I wait till Friday??! Tell me when your sober I don’t want you to regret it…..X”
I was blunt and pretty much shut down his feelings. I wasn’t sure if I should have sent it but I mean “luv u” sent by text message…. I knew he was trying to say it over the phone but I wanted to hear it from him in person.
Text is the easy way out. I know tho if he said it to me over the phone I would have probably not known what to say. I just want him to hold me and I want to wrap my arms around him and just ….get that great feeling. When he takes it another step by text it kinda made me think maybe it’s Dutch confidence.
Maybe he didn’t mean it.
Maybe he wanted to take it back.
I really hope I didn’t hurt his feelings with that text.
I sent him another one saying that, and he didn’t respond to it.
He doesn’t want me to doubt him but I just think that I’m not as good as he thinks.
He’ll come hear and be disappointed.
My friends are telling me that I’m crazy. Fi was really happy when I told her she actually said “Finally someone who treats you the way you should be”
I know he’s different from anyone I’ve meet. He makes me feel beautiful on the inside as well as the out because when I’m with him I’m completely myself.
He’s a little silly sometimes as I can be and I like that about him.
I don’t want to hurt his feelings by doubting him and not taking his feelings for me or real but I really wish I could feel like I deserve to be loved like the way he treats me but I almost feel guilty when he does things for me. I love it, I’ve never had it before.
I love the way we are together.
I just wish I knew what he thought to that text.
Maybe I’m blowing it all out of proportion….I just want him with me and I have to wait 3 weeks until I go up there but only 4 days until he comes down on Friday….
When I was single I almost oozed confidence within myself – I guess he’s the first on in a ages that’s gotten through that wall I put up. Funny I didn’t really feel myself put it up when I met him and was with him it’s only developed now.
I hope he still thinks I’m worth it.
I’ve got butterflies going nuts in my stomach.
I’m soooo worried that he’s going to change he’s mind. I feel like he’s put me on a pedestal and he’ll come down on Friday and think she really isn’t worth it and he’ll want to talk.
Sigh.
I’m going to fall off that pedestal and I’m so scared. I’m giving up everything my job, my car, my family and friends.
I told him in my drunken state that I loved him.
I feel very strongly for him, I really didn’t think he would say it back. I didn’t really want him to because it’s easier just to let him know where I’m at.
Last night he sent me a text.
“luv u”
I looked at it and was like, did he really just do that by text??
He was a bit drunk. Telling me how much he wanted me there with him and stuff.
I replied but instead of sending the whole text I accidentally sent it
“you just text me that”
“Yep!” was his response.
I was taken aback. My first thought was no – you don’t.
I can’t help it.
He doesn’t want me to doubt him but with my history with my father and lies from everyone and never feeling good enough or loved by him or anyone and then with his more recent comments about how I look – Well… I just don’t believe that someone will really ever feel the same way about me as I do them.
Sab is wonderful. Really is. He’s caring, sweet, thoughtfull, he always wants to help if he can and he has this wonderful warmth about him. When I’m with him I feel so happy. It sounds really lovey-dovey and maybe a little Jerry Maguire /ish but when I’m with him I feel complete.
Sigh. Last night I continued with my text. With
“Wow. Distance makes the heart grow fonder…Beer alters thinking & does the same thing… Sorry I can’t quite believe it…..I really want you right now, sooo much :( How can I wait till Friday??! Tell me when your sober I don’t want you to regret it…..X”
I was blunt and pretty much shut down his feelings. I wasn’t sure if I should have sent it but I mean “luv u” sent by text message…. I knew he was trying to say it over the phone but I wanted to hear it from him in person.
Text is the easy way out. I know tho if he said it to me over the phone I would have probably not known what to say. I just want him to hold me and I want to wrap my arms around him and just ….get that great feeling. When he takes it another step by text it kinda made me think maybe it’s Dutch confidence.
Maybe he didn’t mean it.
Maybe he wanted to take it back.
I really hope I didn’t hurt his feelings with that text.
I sent him another one saying that, and he didn’t respond to it.
He doesn’t want me to doubt him but I just think that I’m not as good as he thinks.
He’ll come hear and be disappointed.
My friends are telling me that I’m crazy. Fi was really happy when I told her she actually said “Finally someone who treats you the way you should be”
I know he’s different from anyone I’ve meet. He makes me feel beautiful on the inside as well as the out because when I’m with him I’m completely myself.
He’s a little silly sometimes as I can be and I like that about him.
I don’t want to hurt his feelings by doubting him and not taking his feelings for me or real but I really wish I could feel like I deserve to be loved like the way he treats me but I almost feel guilty when he does things for me. I love it, I’ve never had it before.
I love the way we are together.
I just wish I knew what he thought to that text.
Maybe I’m blowing it all out of proportion….I just want him with me and I have to wait 3 weeks until I go up there but only 4 days until he comes down on Friday….
When I was single I almost oozed confidence within myself – I guess he’s the first on in a ages that’s gotten through that wall I put up. Funny I didn’t really feel myself put it up when I met him and was with him it’s only developed now.
I hope he still thinks I’m worth it.
posted by kaz at 3:39 PM
3 Comments:
Please don't doubt yourself or him. I understand with what you've been through that it's hard not to, but Sab sounds likes a very genuinely good man. It's not impossible for someone to fall head over heals for you. The way he says "love you" don't change how he feels it.
You're taking a big step and taking it fast, I would be surprised if you didn't get scared about it. But I don't think that he would let you go as far as you have (quitting your job, selling your car, leaving your friends) if he weren't as serious about this as you are. If he hasn't given you a reason not to trust him, if you're willing to give up so much to be with him, why are you doubting him so much? Be happy when you're with him, be sad because you're not, but don't sell him or yourself so short. Yeah, women can be nutters. Men know that and they know how crazy they can be, too. And we still manage to love each other.
Sorry to sound so bossy. It upsets me when I hear people get down on themselves the way you did in this post. Friday is only 4 days away. It's a lot better then 3 months.
Sara is right and I wish you the very best. I do not find it hard to believe either that Sab fell for you because you have a great deal of fine qualities. :)
I agree with these two. Try not to question someone who is sharing their feelings with you. You doubt them and then they start doubting themselves. You have to believe that you do deserve it, and whateve happens, happens. Believe and enjoy it. It's not worth doubting it cause if it is real think of all the time you would waste by questioning it... Best of luck!
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