The culprit has been named

I’m tired today.
Lots of work equals tired me.
Spoke to the other night duty person this morning and it concluded that it was DEFINATLY Nick who wrote the email. My initial reaction was hurt. I guess even tho I knew it was him there was always that maybe sorta ….Well the small thought the .01 % where I thought maybe just maybe it wasn’t him.
It was. It really was.
She agrees along with others who know that he’s mixing his personal life with work and think it’s wrong.
She actually asked him “I thought you two were friends?”
His response –“Yeah, I did too.”
WHAT THE?!!!???!!!???? Hey buddy – I’m not the one who for some unknown reason decides to be so cold and have something snap that makes me mix personal life with friendship!
If that’s he’s attempt to say it’s not me it’s her then I’m afraid he’s sadly mistaken.
It ridicules really. I don’t know what he’s thinking.
I think he’s on tonight hence tomorrow morning.
Sigh. It’s hard to work with someone who… just … I don’t know….
When I look at him I feel like I just want answers. I want to know answers so I can feel or get some sort of emotion for him because right now I just feel a little hurt and I want to know what he’s thinking so I can maybe see how I’m feeling to the reaction of how he’s feeling – make sense?
Yeah.
So….. yeah.
Why is there a stupid little part of me that wants him to say everything just say it all straight in black and white. Tell me everything every thought every emotion every feeling. Tell me where it was where things just went wrong.
Hmm...
Knowing this just amazes me and makes me think again that really maybe I really didn't know him and those "moments" where we just clicked and mid laughter just can't explain when we went out with girly man and his partner.
I guess it's all the past and there is no future. I have to just accept it.