long post again
I’ll try and keep this short.
Two nights ago, it was 10.05pm I’m lying in bed drifting off to sleep in a very vulnerable moment. Cos I’ve been feeling confused etc.
My mind drifts to Eve, Wondering what he’s doing being that I was possibility considering….But I was glad that I had deleted his number from my phone.
So it’s 10.05 and my phone rings.
I didn’t recognise the number I actually thought it was Girly Man for the first few sentences of hello.
Anyway it’s the slightly drunken Eve wanting me to come round.
I have to say that I was all for it but I ended up keeping my faith in God and declined his offer.
He rang 4 or 5 times begging me to come over. He was even prepared to pay $70 and organise to get me a cab!
Talking to him he said “don’t get all psychological on me”
“So where is your head space – how does being a Christian come into this.”
He tried to ignore the question.
In the end I didn’t go. I sent this text to him –
“It’s so hard for me to say no, a night with you would be great, mind blowing even but I have faith in God that if I put my faith in him & believe that he’s got something more beautiful for me if I just do what pleases him, he will eventually show me someone who wants me for who I am and I’ll be able to see how good it would be with that person rather then empty sex for self pleasure purpose. It’s hard but it’s not meant to be easy. I care about your mind space at the moment. I hope you understand xo”
He still wanted me to come round.
Above is the truth, the more Eve spoke the more I also just thought stop talking because the more he was saying the more I got totally turned off. He really doesn’t know me.
I was really glad I said no. It was soooo hard being that I was longing to be held, touched and everything that sex brings but no. I rang Raff and I was really glad I didn’t.
I don’t want to give advice to someone and not take it myself.
So anyway.
I am a very relaxed/laied back type of person when it comes to cleaning.
I was told “Your so relaxed you could be comatose” – coming from someone who would never wear an odd pair of socks.
Went out to Raffs last night and had a good night. I coloured her hair and she got annoyed with me. I thought it was because she got a bit of colour on her skin (really wasn’t anything cos I was really careful).
She comes into work this morning and after about 20minutes she asks me if I could go to the toilets with her. So I did she wanted to talk.
We get there and she starts apologising for the way she was last night.
I was surprised. Huh?
“The Colour?” I ask
“No- it’s because I just got really jealous of you last night. I don’t mean to be but I did”
“Huh?? Why??” I tried to think what it could be.
“You know I know my brothers single and your single” – I kept listening
Tunes out she looks to me like a third wheel in a way because I get along with her brother and he talks about me and wants me to come round and she feels like I’m only going over to see him not her. (That isn’t true at all. Raff is a great girl)
They are still getting to know each other being that there is an 11-year age gap between them and he moved out when she was still a kid.
So she still want’s me to come round and doesn’t want anything to change but I think she wanted to let me know how she feels.
I have to take this into consideration now. I don’t think I’ll go over there so much, she can come over hear and I think I’ll just … I don’t know, stop being so…. Me…I guess. Ummm….. ok. I don’t want her to feel like I don’t value her friendship.
When I really do. We laugh all the time and it’s fun.
I had a dream that I kissed Nick.
I think I dreamt it because Ivy from work said that she thinks I really like him more then I let on and I tell myself that I don’t – but she thinks I do.
Hears the thing. She may be right.
I saw him today and my stomach twisted in hurt and I felt like I wanted to cry.
I didn’t let it show of course.
As Nat said to me friends don’t hurt you like that.
I try to remember that. He cares but this is his choice. He’s made his decision….
But…. It still hurts.
Two nights ago, it was 10.05pm I’m lying in bed drifting off to sleep in a very vulnerable moment. Cos I’ve been feeling confused etc.
My mind drifts to Eve, Wondering what he’s doing being that I was possibility considering….But I was glad that I had deleted his number from my phone.
So it’s 10.05 and my phone rings.
I didn’t recognise the number I actually thought it was Girly Man for the first few sentences of hello.
Anyway it’s the slightly drunken Eve wanting me to come round.
I have to say that I was all for it but I ended up keeping my faith in God and declined his offer.
He rang 4 or 5 times begging me to come over. He was even prepared to pay $70 and organise to get me a cab!
Talking to him he said “don’t get all psychological on me”
“So where is your head space – how does being a Christian come into this.”
He tried to ignore the question.
In the end I didn’t go. I sent this text to him –
“It’s so hard for me to say no, a night with you would be great, mind blowing even but I have faith in God that if I put my faith in him & believe that he’s got something more beautiful for me if I just do what pleases him, he will eventually show me someone who wants me for who I am and I’ll be able to see how good it would be with that person rather then empty sex for self pleasure purpose. It’s hard but it’s not meant to be easy. I care about your mind space at the moment. I hope you understand xo”
He still wanted me to come round.
Above is the truth, the more Eve spoke the more I also just thought stop talking because the more he was saying the more I got totally turned off. He really doesn’t know me.
I was really glad I said no. It was soooo hard being that I was longing to be held, touched and everything that sex brings but no. I rang Raff and I was really glad I didn’t.
I don’t want to give advice to someone and not take it myself.
So anyway.
I am a very relaxed/laied back type of person when it comes to cleaning.
I was told “Your so relaxed you could be comatose” – coming from someone who would never wear an odd pair of socks.
Went out to Raffs last night and had a good night. I coloured her hair and she got annoyed with me. I thought it was because she got a bit of colour on her skin (really wasn’t anything cos I was really careful).
She comes into work this morning and after about 20minutes she asks me if I could go to the toilets with her. So I did she wanted to talk.
We get there and she starts apologising for the way she was last night.
I was surprised. Huh?
“The Colour?” I ask
“No- it’s because I just got really jealous of you last night. I don’t mean to be but I did”
“Huh?? Why??” I tried to think what it could be.
“You know I know my brothers single and your single” – I kept listening
Tunes out she looks to me like a third wheel in a way because I get along with her brother and he talks about me and wants me to come round and she feels like I’m only going over to see him not her. (That isn’t true at all. Raff is a great girl)
They are still getting to know each other being that there is an 11-year age gap between them and he moved out when she was still a kid.
So she still want’s me to come round and doesn’t want anything to change but I think she wanted to let me know how she feels.
I have to take this into consideration now. I don’t think I’ll go over there so much, she can come over hear and I think I’ll just … I don’t know, stop being so…. Me…I guess. Ummm….. ok. I don’t want her to feel like I don’t value her friendship.
When I really do. We laugh all the time and it’s fun.
I had a dream that I kissed Nick.
I think I dreamt it because Ivy from work said that she thinks I really like him more then I let on and I tell myself that I don’t – but she thinks I do.
Hears the thing. She may be right.
I saw him today and my stomach twisted in hurt and I felt like I wanted to cry.
I didn’t let it show of course.
As Nat said to me friends don’t hurt you like that.
I try to remember that. He cares but this is his choice. He’s made his decision….
But…. It still hurts.
posted by kaz at 5:17 PM
2 Comments:
Reading that post made me jealous, envious, happy and a little sad. jealous because i like to have someone special, envious because i WISH i WAS EVE AND SAD BECAUSE i CAN see the hurt in your words. And happy because I think you are on the road to getting over Eve - a guy that is a player. I hope you know what a player is?
Your a great woman and you zare right - the special guy is out there for you. Its only a matter of time before you do meet him and then you and Sara will baby stories to tell
LOL!
I know what a player is,
I'm pritty much over Eve just have to work my way over Nick.... Now that's hard. Really hard. And I didn't even shag him! or kiss! Nothing.
Yet I miss him on a different leavel.
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