BUI - (Blogging under the Influence)

What’s better?
A Christian ho does the wrong thing but believes in God or a non-Christian that does the right thing but doesn’t believe in God?

Gareth is not a Christian. He want’s to see me again. We kissed. Sounds stupid but it wasn’t a long kiss just like a few quick kisses on the lips.
It was ok. Nice even but his not a Christian.

I want someone who believes in God. Who I can pray with, talk with and not feel like I’m talking to someone who they think isn’t really there.
Sigh.
Eve. I felt a little like…a sigh. I don’t know. He’s a Christian – Yes we slept together but I liked that. It’s what I needed.
What he needed.
Sigh.
Gareth? Well he seems nice. I have a feeling that I talked his ear off tonight.
“So your pretty into Christianity”
“Yeah, it’s part of who I am”
I couldn’t be who I am today without my strength in God.
I just want someone who can share this. Who I can talk to and be on the same wavelength. Pray with and not feel like it’s a weird thing to do.
I want this but I also want the feel of another person. The care and contact of someone.
Hey I’m only human.
I know I’m contradicting myself but this is what makes being a Christian so hard.
I want respect yet I like to flirt with danger.
I want to do the right thing yet I also want to do the “wrong”
I don’t want to lead people on yet I want to feel that kiss.
I want to be good yet I want the “bad”.
I don’t want to sleep with anyone else. Really I don’t.
But I wouldn’t mind Eve again and that’s because he’s the second person for me to give myself to and I don’t want a third on my journey to finding Mr Right.

I know I’m contradiction myself in the biggest way possible but this is part of what makes being a Christian hard.

Did I have a couple of drinks tonight? Yes, yes I did.
Could that have tipped you over the edge to kiss Gareth? Possibly.
Are your leading him on? I’m not going to sleep with him or marry the guy!
Are you leading him on?? Maybe.
Should you see him again? Probably not
Why? I’d kiss him again
Is that a bad thing? Well not at the time but it’s making a date into more of a … situation to be…
Blah.
Am I typing without thinking first? Yes, Yes I am.

I want Eve. I want the closeness, not only psychical but I want to be wanted by someone.
Hey, I’m only human.

Am I very tipsy? Yes, Yes I am.

Goodnight my fellow bloggers.