To live and learn
One week without blogging.
Why? I thought maybe my blog was making people “bored”.
Now, who cares!
I’ll post needless and meaningless things and all because I want to and this is my blog.
Now. What about this past week. Well.
Where do I start!??!
How about I start with eve.
Deep breath - In and out.
So he asked me to come around to his apartment. I said that I couldn’t have a late night being that I get so tired. I could come around for a few drinks before I drop in on street works and see Mr Philosopher at a pub.
Well – that didn’t happen. The drinks did. Then he asked if I wanted to go and watch a movie back up in his apartment.
Hmmm…. I went silent. I raised my eyebrows.
“Nah, I can’t”
“Oh, sook”
Raised eyebrows “Sook?? No”
Now I should tell you that I had text him earlier saying that I want to talk to him not just the sex.” So I had told him.
So we end up going up to his room. – Yeah I know what your thinking. It’s obviously going to happen. Well it didn’t. I told him straight up.
“I don’t want to have sex tonight.”
“Ok”
That didn’t stop us from lying on the couch together, cuddled up, touching skin but hardly any really. I tried to leave a few times and he ended up promising not to go to far and I thought ok.
So I stayed the night. It was Soooooo nice. Just what I needed….
Although he kept trying to seduce me into sex.
He got real close but I didn’t want to just be there for a “bootie” call.
I kept saying no and moving a wandering hand.
I’m stupid.
He sent a couple of messages. I wrote “Even tho it was a frustrating night, I liked it :)”
His response “Come over tonight and we can do it all again”
I was feeling ok, cautious and a little annoyed at myself but I squashed those thoughts and wrote back “ok”
Well. I arrive and he had done a complete back flip. I didn’t know who this person was. He was being a dick! I had said the night before after he repeatedly tried seduce me, “I told you from the start I didn’t want to”
“Don’t you want to?”
“I can’t, Of course it’s hard but I really didn’t like the person I was last time I saw you. I wouldn’t usually do that. By you doing this – your not respecting me,
And I did tell you from the start it wasn’t going to happen.”
“Ok”
So the next night, He sent that text and I thought it was just going to be … nice?
He was – the complete opposite. I had hit a sore note with the “no respect” thing and when I walked in I went to kiss him on the check and touch his arm that was fine then he did a turn around and – shook my hand…huh????
We sit on the couch and he keeps repeating – You don’t respect me when I go to touch his knee or arm, just to rest my hand on him. Huh??????
He was being so cold. It was hurting me and frustrating me because he wouldn’t tell me what he was thinking.
Sigh. We had sex. Why, Might you ask?
Because I hated him being so distant and thought, well, it would be better if I did, He could go back to the eve I knew. So we did, and I may as well have just picked up some money and left. I felt guttered.
He got up, got dressed, got his new mobile phone, sat down on the couch and played with it. It took less then – one or maybe two minutes for him to get from the bedroom to the couch. I couldn’t believe it. I felt soooo used and stupid.
Even better, I ended up sleeping there. I fell asleep and he continued to play on his phone and then moved onto the computer when his phone battery went flat.
He COMPLETELY ignored me! Made me feel so used.
The next morning when I left I was really down.
Know one knew what I had done except Mk and Debbie and Deb.
So I went to the shop and spoke to Mk. I knew exactly why I slept with him.
I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
We were talking and thankfully there was only one client that came in for Mk.
I was upset inside and told him everything.
I knew he would tell Deb so I didn’t need to.
Mk said what I couldn’t. The tears welled up in my eyes (my stomach gets tight now and I feel that lump in my throat) and spilt down my face.
He gave me a hug and showed me a different way to look at the situation.
When I left I felt a lot better.
The team went out that night and we had a good time.
You live you learn and you grow.
Now I feel good. I don’t regret for a second what happened.
I feel now that I can accept how I felt and why I felt it.
I will continue to care for people, feel the hurt and love the fact that I’m being myself.
I guess it’s all part of living life.
I went out last night to a 30th. It was good, I unfortunately had to leave early because I got tired and felt myself becoming un sociable. So I thought it would be better to go.
The guy who’s 30th it was, was wearing a shirt saying 30 (on the front) ….and still looking good!!! (On the back)
He looked really good; he’s a nice guy.
I asked Ian to come along and he brought two of his friends, He was a little drunk, we chatted for a while. He’s got somewhere to stay now and a job so that’s really great.
Ian looked very attractive. I smile creeps on my face because he was drunk and told me I looked beautiful :) I smile now and shake my head he probably woke up this morning thinking “Oh, dam why did I say that!!” (He’s got a girlfriend)
I’m glad of this because it makes talking easier because it’s the whole you know ya can’t go there.
So that’s been my life for now.
A bit happening finally going out but paying the price. I’ve been so tired that I feel sick.
I’ve got my new job that’s still in training for and I’m thinking that I need to focus more.
That said I better go to bed.
Oh, another thing – Sean came back to the shop on yesterday. Ten points for coming back! I never called him. He sat down and winked at me!
Ha ha! He nodded his head and did the wink thing. I laugh now shake my head and think “ohh – no..” LOL!
Mk says, “Why don’t you go out with him?”
“Na”
“What attracts you to someone?”
“Confidence – but there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance!”
I laugh. He agreed. “A very fine line”
Ian said last night that the bar maid was good looking.
“Yeah? She doesn’t do it for me”
“What do you like”?
I look around “There’s hardly and girls in hear…”
He looked at be with surprise, I just laughed.
I was going to describe what he was wearing but had second thoughts. Better not to complicate things.
One week without blogging.
Why? I thought maybe my blog was making people “bored”.
Now, who cares!
I’ll post needless and meaningless things and all because I want to and this is my blog.
Now. What about this past week. Well.
Where do I start!??!
How about I start with eve.
Deep breath - In and out.
So he asked me to come around to his apartment. I said that I couldn’t have a late night being that I get so tired. I could come around for a few drinks before I drop in on street works and see Mr Philosopher at a pub.
Well – that didn’t happen. The drinks did. Then he asked if I wanted to go and watch a movie back up in his apartment.
Hmmm…. I went silent. I raised my eyebrows.
“Nah, I can’t”
“Oh, sook”
Raised eyebrows “Sook?? No”
Now I should tell you that I had text him earlier saying that I want to talk to him not just the sex.” So I had told him.
So we end up going up to his room. – Yeah I know what your thinking. It’s obviously going to happen. Well it didn’t. I told him straight up.
“I don’t want to have sex tonight.”
“Ok”
That didn’t stop us from lying on the couch together, cuddled up, touching skin but hardly any really. I tried to leave a few times and he ended up promising not to go to far and I thought ok.
So I stayed the night. It was Soooooo nice. Just what I needed….
Although he kept trying to seduce me into sex.
He got real close but I didn’t want to just be there for a “bootie” call.
I kept saying no and moving a wandering hand.
I’m stupid.
He sent a couple of messages. I wrote “Even tho it was a frustrating night, I liked it :)”
His response “Come over tonight and we can do it all again”
I was feeling ok, cautious and a little annoyed at myself but I squashed those thoughts and wrote back “ok”
Well. I arrive and he had done a complete back flip. I didn’t know who this person was. He was being a dick! I had said the night before after he repeatedly tried seduce me, “I told you from the start I didn’t want to”
“Don’t you want to?”
“I can’t, Of course it’s hard but I really didn’t like the person I was last time I saw you. I wouldn’t usually do that. By you doing this – your not respecting me,
And I did tell you from the start it wasn’t going to happen.”
“Ok”
So the next night, He sent that text and I thought it was just going to be … nice?
He was – the complete opposite. I had hit a sore note with the “no respect” thing and when I walked in I went to kiss him on the check and touch his arm that was fine then he did a turn around and – shook my hand…huh????
We sit on the couch and he keeps repeating – You don’t respect me when I go to touch his knee or arm, just to rest my hand on him. Huh??????
He was being so cold. It was hurting me and frustrating me because he wouldn’t tell me what he was thinking.
Sigh. We had sex. Why, Might you ask?
Because I hated him being so distant and thought, well, it would be better if I did, He could go back to the eve I knew. So we did, and I may as well have just picked up some money and left. I felt guttered.
He got up, got dressed, got his new mobile phone, sat down on the couch and played with it. It took less then – one or maybe two minutes for him to get from the bedroom to the couch. I couldn’t believe it. I felt soooo used and stupid.
Even better, I ended up sleeping there. I fell asleep and he continued to play on his phone and then moved onto the computer when his phone battery went flat.
He COMPLETELY ignored me! Made me feel so used.
The next morning when I left I was really down.
Know one knew what I had done except Mk and Debbie and Deb.
So I went to the shop and spoke to Mk. I knew exactly why I slept with him.
I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
We were talking and thankfully there was only one client that came in for Mk.
I was upset inside and told him everything.
I knew he would tell Deb so I didn’t need to.
Mk said what I couldn’t. The tears welled up in my eyes (my stomach gets tight now and I feel that lump in my throat) and spilt down my face.
He gave me a hug and showed me a different way to look at the situation.
When I left I felt a lot better.
The team went out that night and we had a good time.
You live you learn and you grow.
Now I feel good. I don’t regret for a second what happened.
I feel now that I can accept how I felt and why I felt it.
I will continue to care for people, feel the hurt and love the fact that I’m being myself.
I guess it’s all part of living life.
I went out last night to a 30th. It was good, I unfortunately had to leave early because I got tired and felt myself becoming un sociable. So I thought it would be better to go.
The guy who’s 30th it was, was wearing a shirt saying 30 (on the front) ….and still looking good!!! (On the back)
He looked really good; he’s a nice guy.
I asked Ian to come along and he brought two of his friends, He was a little drunk, we chatted for a while. He’s got somewhere to stay now and a job so that’s really great.
Ian looked very attractive. I smile creeps on my face because he was drunk and told me I looked beautiful :) I smile now and shake my head he probably woke up this morning thinking “Oh, dam why did I say that!!” (He’s got a girlfriend)
I’m glad of this because it makes talking easier because it’s the whole you know ya can’t go there.
So that’s been my life for now.
A bit happening finally going out but paying the price. I’ve been so tired that I feel sick.
I’ve got my new job that’s still in training for and I’m thinking that I need to focus more.
That said I better go to bed.
Oh, another thing – Sean came back to the shop on yesterday. Ten points for coming back! I never called him. He sat down and winked at me!
Ha ha! He nodded his head and did the wink thing. I laugh now shake my head and think “ohh – no..” LOL!
Mk says, “Why don’t you go out with him?”
“Na”
“What attracts you to someone?”
“Confidence – but there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance!”
I laugh. He agreed. “A very fine line”
Ian said last night that the bar maid was good looking.
“Yeah? She doesn’t do it for me”
“What do you like”?
I look around “There’s hardly and girls in hear…”
He looked at be with surprise, I just laughed.
I was going to describe what he was wearing but had second thoughts. Better not to complicate things.
One week without blogging.
Why? I thought maybe my blog was making people “bored”.
Now, who cares!
I’ll post needless and meaningless things and all because I want to and this is my blog.
Now. What about this past week. Well.
Where do I start!??!
How about I start with eve.
Deep breath - In and out.
So he asked me to come around to his apartment. I said that I couldn’t have a late night being that I get so tired. I could come around for a few drinks before I drop in on street works and see Mr Philosopher at a pub.
Well – that didn’t happen. The drinks did. Then he asked if I wanted to go and watch a movie back up in his apartment.
Hmmm…. I went silent. I raised my eyebrows.
“Nah, I can’t”
“Oh, sook”
Raised eyebrows “Sook?? No”
Now I should tell you that I had text him earlier saying that I want to talk to him not just the sex.” So I had told him.
So we end up going up to his room. – Yeah I know what your thinking. It’s obviously going to happen. Well it didn’t. I told him straight up.
“I don’t want to have sex tonight.”
“Ok”
That didn’t stop us from lying on the couch together, cuddled up, touching skin but hardly any really. I tried to leave a few times and he ended up promising not to go to far and I thought ok.
So I stayed the night. It was Soooooo nice. Just what I needed….
Although he kept trying to seduce me into sex.
He got real close but I didn’t want to just be there for a “bootie” call.
I kept saying no and moving a wandering hand.
I’m stupid.
He sent a couple of messages. I wrote “Even tho it was a frustrating night, I liked it :)”
His response “Come over tonight and we can do it all again”
I was feeling ok, cautious and a little annoyed at myself but I squashed those thoughts and wrote back “ok”
Well. I arrive and he had done a complete back flip. I didn’t know who this person was. He was being a dick! I had said the night before after he repeatedly tried seduce me, “I told you from the start I didn’t want to”
“Don’t you want to?”
“I can’t, Of course it’s hard but I really didn’t like the person I was last time I saw you. I wouldn’t usually do that. By you doing this – your not respecting me,
And I did tell you from the start it wasn’t going to happen.”
“Ok”
So the next night, He sent that text and I thought it was just going to be … nice?
He was – the complete opposite. I had hit a sore note with the “no respect” thing and when I walked in I went to kiss him on the check and touch his arm that was fine then he did a turn around and – shook my hand…huh????
We sit on the couch and he keeps repeating – You don’t respect me when I go to touch his knee or arm, just to rest my hand on him. Huh??????
He was being so cold. It was hurting me and frustrating me because he wouldn’t tell me what he was thinking.
Sigh. We had sex. Why, Might you ask?
Because I hated him being so distant and thought, well, it would be better if I did, He could go back to the eve I knew. So we did, and I may as well have just picked up some money and left. I felt guttered.
He got up, got dressed, got his new mobile phone, sat down on the couch and played with it. It took less then – one or maybe two minutes for him to get from the bedroom to the couch. I couldn’t believe it. I felt soooo used and stupid.
Even better, I ended up sleeping there. I fell asleep and he continued to play on his phone and then moved onto the computer when his phone battery went flat.
He COMPLETELY ignored me! Made me feel so used.
The next morning when I left I was really down.
Know one knew what I had done except Mk and Debbie and Deb.
So I went to the shop and spoke to Mk. I knew exactly why I slept with him.
I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
We were talking and thankfully there was only one client that came in for Mk.
I was upset inside and told him everything.
I knew he would tell Deb so I didn’t need to.
Mk said what I couldn’t. The tears welled up in my eyes (my stomach gets tight now and I feel that lump in my throat) and spilt down my face.
He gave me a hug and showed me a different way to look at the situation.
When I left I felt a lot better.
The team went out that night and we had a good time.
You live you learn and you grow.
Now I feel good. I don’t regret for a second what happened.
I feel now that I can accept how I felt and why I felt it.
I will continue to care for people, feel the hurt and love the fact that I’m being myself.
I guess it’s all part of living life.
I went out last night to a 30th. It was good, I unfortunately had to leave early because I got tired and felt myself becoming un sociable. So I thought it would be better to go.
The guy who’s 30th it was, was wearing a shirt saying 30 (on the front) ….and still looking good!!! (On the back)
He looked really good; he’s a nice guy.
I asked Ian to come along and he brought two of his friends, He was a little drunk, we chatted for a while. He’s got somewhere to stay now and a job so that’s really great.
Ian looked very attractive. I smile creeps on my face because he was drunk and told me I looked beautiful :) I smile now and shake my head he probably woke up this morning thinking “Oh, dam why did I say that!!” (He’s got a girlfriend)
I’m glad of this because it makes talking easier because it’s the whole you know ya can’t go there.
So that’s been my life for now.
A bit happening finally going out but paying the price. I’ve been so tired that I feel sick.
I’ve got my new job that’s still in training for and I’m thinking that I need to focus more.
That said I better go to bed.
Oh, another thing – Sean came back to the shop on yesterday. Ten points for coming back! I never called him. He sat down and winked at me!
Ha ha! He nodded his head and did the wink thing. I laugh now shake my head and think “ohh – no..” LOL!
Mk says, “Why don’t you go out with him?”
“Na”
“What attracts you to someone?”
“Confidence – but there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance!”
I laugh. He agreed. “A very fine line”
Ian said last night that the bar maid was good looking.
“Yeah? She doesn’t do it for me”
“What do you like”?
I look around “There’s hardly and girls in hear…”
He looked at be with surprise, I just laughed.
I was going to describe what he was wearing but had second thoughts. Better not to complicate things.
One week without blogging.
Why? I thought maybe my blog was making people “bored”.
Now, who cares!
I’ll post needless and meaningless things and all because I want to and this is my blog.
Now. What about this past week. Well.
Where do I start!??!
How about I start with eve.
Deep breath - In and out.
So he asked me to come around to his apartment. I said that I couldn’t have a late night being that I get so tired. I could come around for a few drinks before I drop in on street works and see Mr Philosopher at a pub.
Well – that didn’t happen. The drinks did. Then he asked if I wanted to go and watch a movie back up in his apartment.
Hmmm…. I went silent. I raised my eyebrows.
“Nah, I can’t”
“Oh, sook”
Raised eyebrows “Sook?? No”
Now I should tell you that I had text him earlier saying that I want to talk to him not just the sex.” So I had told him.
So we end up going up to his room. – Yeah I know what your thinking. It’s obviously going to happen. Well it didn’t. I told him straight up.
“I don’t want to have sex tonight.”
“Ok”
That didn’t stop us from lying on the couch together, cuddled up, touching skin but hardly any really. I tried to leave a few times and he ended up promising not to go to far and I thought ok.
So I stayed the night. It was Soooooo nice. Just what I needed….
Although he kept trying to seduce me into sex.
He got real close but I didn’t want to just be there for a “bootie” call.
I kept saying no and moving a wandering hand.
I’m stupid.
He sent a couple of messages. I wrote “Even tho it was a frustrating night, I liked it :)”
His response “Come over tonight and we can do it all again”
I was feeling ok, cautious and a little annoyed at myself but I squashed those thoughts and wrote back “ok”
Well. I arrive and he had done a complete back flip. I didn’t know who this person was. He was being a dick! I had said the night before after he repeatedly tried seduce me, “I told you from the start I didn’t want to”
“Don’t you want to?”
“I can’t, Of course it’s hard but I really didn’t like the person I was last time I saw you. I wouldn’t usually do that. By you doing this – your not respecting me,
And I did tell you from the start it wasn’t going to happen.”
“Ok”
So the next night, He sent that text and I thought it was just going to be … nice?
He was – the complete opposite. I had hit a sore note with the “no respect” thing and when I walked in I went to kiss him on the check and touch his arm that was fine then he did a turn around and – shook my hand…huh????
We sit on the couch and he keeps repeating – You don’t respect me when I go to touch his knee or arm, just to rest my hand on him. Huh??????
He was being so cold. It was hurting me and frustrating me because he wouldn’t tell me what he was thinking.
Sigh. We had sex. Why, Might you ask?
Because I hated him being so distant and thought, well, it would be better if I did, He could go back to the eve I knew. So we did, and I may as well have just picked up some money and left. I felt guttered.
He got up, got dressed, got his new mobile phone, sat down on the couch and played with it. It took less then – one or maybe two minutes for him to get from the bedroom to the couch. I couldn’t believe it. I felt soooo used and stupid.
Even better, I ended up sleeping there. I fell asleep and he continued to play on his phone and then moved onto the computer when his phone battery went flat.
He COMPLETELY ignored me! Made me feel so used!
The next morning when I left I was really down.
Know one knew what I had done except Mk and Debbie and Deb.
So I went to the shop and spoke to Mk. I knew exactly why I slept with him.
I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
We were talking and thankfully there was only one client that came in for Mk.
I was upset inside and told him everything.
I knew he would tell Deb so I didn’t need to.
Mk said what I couldn’t. The tears welled up in my eyes (my stomach gets tight now and I feel that lump in my throat) and spilt down my face.
He gave me a hug and showed me a different way to look at the situation.
When I left I felt a lot better.
The team went out that night and we had a good time.
You live you learn and you grow.
Now I feel good. I don’t regret for a second what happened.
I feel now that I can accept how I felt and why I felt it.
I will continue to care for people, feel the hurt and love the fact that I’m being myself.
I guess it’s all part of living life.
I went out last night to a 30th. It was good, I unfortunately had to leave early because I got tired and felt myself becoming un sociable. So I thought it would be better to go.
The guy who’s 30th it was, was wearing a shirt saying 30 (on the front) ….and still looking good!!! (On the back)
He looked really good; he’s a nice guy.
I asked Ian to come along and he brought two of his friends, He was a little drunk, we chatted for a while. He’s got somewhere to stay now and a job so that’s really great.
Ian looked very attractive. I smile creeps on my face because he was drunk and told me I looked beautiful :) I smile now and shake my head he probably woke up this morning thinking “Oh, dam why did I say that!!” (He’s got a girlfriend)
I’m glad of this because it makes talking easier because it’s the whole you know ya can’t go there.
So that’s been my life for now.
A bit happening finally going out but paying the price. I’ve been so tired that I feel sick.
I’ve got my new job that’s still in training for and I’m thinking that I need to focus more.
That said I better go to bed.
Oh, another thing – Sean came back to the shop on yesterday. Ten points for coming back! I never called him. He sat down and winked at me!
Ha ha! He nodded his head and did the wink thing. I laugh now shake my head and think “ohh – no..” LOL!
Mk says, “Why don’t you go out with him?”
“Na”
“What attracts you to someone?”
“Confidence – but there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance!”
I laugh. He agreed. “A very fine line”
Ian said last night that the bar maid was good looking.
“Yeah? She doesn’t do it for me”
“What do you like”?
I look around “There’s hardly and girls in hear…”
He looked at be with surprise, I just laughed.
I was going to describe what he was wearing but had second thoughts. Better not to complicate things.
Why? I thought maybe my blog was making people “bored”.
Now, who cares!
I’ll post needless and meaningless things and all because I want to and this is my blog.
Now. What about this past week. Well.
Where do I start!??!
How about I start with eve.
Deep breath - In and out.
So he asked me to come around to his apartment. I said that I couldn’t have a late night being that I get so tired. I could come around for a few drinks before I drop in on street works and see Mr Philosopher at a pub.
Well – that didn’t happen. The drinks did. Then he asked if I wanted to go and watch a movie back up in his apartment.
Hmmm…. I went silent. I raised my eyebrows.
“Nah, I can’t”
“Oh, sook”
Raised eyebrows “Sook?? No”
Now I should tell you that I had text him earlier saying that I want to talk to him not just the sex.” So I had told him.
So we end up going up to his room. – Yeah I know what your thinking. It’s obviously going to happen. Well it didn’t. I told him straight up.
“I don’t want to have sex tonight.”
“Ok”
That didn’t stop us from lying on the couch together, cuddled up, touching skin but hardly any really. I tried to leave a few times and he ended up promising not to go to far and I thought ok.
So I stayed the night. It was Soooooo nice. Just what I needed….
Although he kept trying to seduce me into sex.
He got real close but I didn’t want to just be there for a “bootie” call.
I kept saying no and moving a wandering hand.
I’m stupid.
He sent a couple of messages. I wrote “Even tho it was a frustrating night, I liked it :)”
His response “Come over tonight and we can do it all again”
I was feeling ok, cautious and a little annoyed at myself but I squashed those thoughts and wrote back “ok”
Well. I arrive and he had done a complete back flip. I didn’t know who this person was. He was being a dick! I had said the night before after he repeatedly tried seduce me, “I told you from the start I didn’t want to”
“Don’t you want to?”
“I can’t, Of course it’s hard but I really didn’t like the person I was last time I saw you. I wouldn’t usually do that. By you doing this – your not respecting me,
And I did tell you from the start it wasn’t going to happen.”
“Ok”
So the next night, He sent that text and I thought it was just going to be … nice?
He was – the complete opposite. I had hit a sore note with the “no respect” thing and when I walked in I went to kiss him on the check and touch his arm that was fine then he did a turn around and – shook my hand…huh????
We sit on the couch and he keeps repeating – You don’t respect me when I go to touch his knee or arm, just to rest my hand on him. Huh??????
He was being so cold. It was hurting me and frustrating me because he wouldn’t tell me what he was thinking.
Sigh. We had sex. Why, Might you ask?
Because I hated him being so distant and thought, well, it would be better if I did, He could go back to the eve I knew. So we did, and I may as well have just picked up some money and left. I felt guttered.
He got up, got dressed, got his new mobile phone, sat down on the couch and played with it. It took less then – one or maybe two minutes for him to get from the bedroom to the couch. I couldn’t believe it. I felt soooo used and stupid.
Even better, I ended up sleeping there. I fell asleep and he continued to play on his phone and then moved onto the computer when his phone battery went flat.
He COMPLETELY ignored me! Made me feel so used.
The next morning when I left I was really down.
Know one knew what I had done except Mk and Debbie and Deb.
So I went to the shop and spoke to Mk. I knew exactly why I slept with him.
I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
We were talking and thankfully there was only one client that came in for Mk.
I was upset inside and told him everything.
I knew he would tell Deb so I didn’t need to.
Mk said what I couldn’t. The tears welled up in my eyes (my stomach gets tight now and I feel that lump in my throat) and spilt down my face.
He gave me a hug and showed me a different way to look at the situation.
When I left I felt a lot better.
The team went out that night and we had a good time.
You live you learn and you grow.
Now I feel good. I don’t regret for a second what happened.
I feel now that I can accept how I felt and why I felt it.
I will continue to care for people, feel the hurt and love the fact that I’m being myself.
I guess it’s all part of living life.
I went out last night to a 30th. It was good, I unfortunately had to leave early because I got tired and felt myself becoming un sociable. So I thought it would be better to go.
The guy who’s 30th it was, was wearing a shirt saying 30 (on the front) ….and still looking good!!! (On the back)
He looked really good; he’s a nice guy.
I asked Ian to come along and he brought two of his friends, He was a little drunk, we chatted for a while. He’s got somewhere to stay now and a job so that’s really great.
Ian looked very attractive. I smile creeps on my face because he was drunk and told me I looked beautiful :) I smile now and shake my head he probably woke up this morning thinking “Oh, dam why did I say that!!” (He’s got a girlfriend)
I’m glad of this because it makes talking easier because it’s the whole you know ya can’t go there.
So that’s been my life for now.
A bit happening finally going out but paying the price. I’ve been so tired that I feel sick.
I’ve got my new job that’s still in training for and I’m thinking that I need to focus more.
That said I better go to bed.
Oh, another thing – Sean came back to the shop on yesterday. Ten points for coming back! I never called him. He sat down and winked at me!
Ha ha! He nodded his head and did the wink thing. I laugh now shake my head and think “ohh – no..” LOL!
Mk says, “Why don’t you go out with him?”
“Na”
“What attracts you to someone?”
“Confidence – but there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance!”
I laugh. He agreed. “A very fine line”
Ian said last night that the bar maid was good looking.
“Yeah? She doesn’t do it for me”
“What do you like”?
I look around “There’s hardly and girls in hear…”
He looked at be with surprise, I just laughed.
I was going to describe what he was wearing but had second thoughts. Better not to complicate things.
One week without blogging.
Why? I thought maybe my blog was making people “bored”.
Now, who cares!
I’ll post needless and meaningless things and all because I want to and this is my blog.
Now. What about this past week. Well.
Where do I start!??!
How about I start with eve.
Deep breath - In and out.
So he asked me to come around to his apartment. I said that I couldn’t have a late night being that I get so tired. I could come around for a few drinks before I drop in on street works and see Mr Philosopher at a pub.
Well – that didn’t happen. The drinks did. Then he asked if I wanted to go and watch a movie back up in his apartment.
Hmmm…. I went silent. I raised my eyebrows.
“Nah, I can’t”
“Oh, sook”
Raised eyebrows “Sook?? No”
Now I should tell you that I had text him earlier saying that I want to talk to him not just the sex.” So I had told him.
So we end up going up to his room. – Yeah I know what your thinking. It’s obviously going to happen. Well it didn’t. I told him straight up.
“I don’t want to have sex tonight.”
“Ok”
That didn’t stop us from lying on the couch together, cuddled up, touching skin but hardly any really. I tried to leave a few times and he ended up promising not to go to far and I thought ok.
So I stayed the night. It was Soooooo nice. Just what I needed….
Although he kept trying to seduce me into sex.
He got real close but I didn’t want to just be there for a “bootie” call.
I kept saying no and moving a wandering hand.
I’m stupid.
He sent a couple of messages. I wrote “Even tho it was a frustrating night, I liked it :)”
His response “Come over tonight and we can do it all again”
I was feeling ok, cautious and a little annoyed at myself but I squashed those thoughts and wrote back “ok”
Well. I arrive and he had done a complete back flip. I didn’t know who this person was. He was being a dick! I had said the night before after he repeatedly tried seduce me, “I told you from the start I didn’t want to”
“Don’t you want to?”
“I can’t, Of course it’s hard but I really didn’t like the person I was last time I saw you. I wouldn’t usually do that. By you doing this – your not respecting me,
And I did tell you from the start it wasn’t going to happen.”
“Ok”
So the next night, He sent that text and I thought it was just going to be … nice?
He was – the complete opposite. I had hit a sore note with the “no respect” thing and when I walked in I went to kiss him on the check and touch his arm that was fine then he did a turn around and – shook my hand…huh????
We sit on the couch and he keeps repeating – You don’t respect me when I go to touch his knee or arm, just to rest my hand on him. Huh??????
He was being so cold. It was hurting me and frustrating me because he wouldn’t tell me what he was thinking.
Sigh. We had sex. Why, Might you ask?
Because I hated him being so distant and thought, well, it would be better if I did, He could go back to the eve I knew. So we did, and I may as well have just picked up some money and left. I felt guttered.
He got up, got dressed, got his new mobile phone, sat down on the couch and played with it. It took less then – one or maybe two minutes for him to get from the bedroom to the couch. I couldn’t believe it. I felt soooo used and stupid.
Even better, I ended up sleeping there. I fell asleep and he continued to play on his phone and then moved onto the computer when his phone battery went flat.
He COMPLETELY ignored me! Made me feel so used.
The next morning when I left I was really down.
Know one knew what I had done except Mk and Debbie and Deb.
So I went to the shop and spoke to Mk. I knew exactly why I slept with him.
I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
We were talking and thankfully there was only one client that came in for Mk.
I was upset inside and told him everything.
I knew he would tell Deb so I didn’t need to.
Mk said what I couldn’t. The tears welled up in my eyes (my stomach gets tight now and I feel that lump in my throat) and spilt down my face.
He gave me a hug and showed me a different way to look at the situation.
When I left I felt a lot better.
The team went out that night and we had a good time.
You live you learn and you grow.
Now I feel good. I don’t regret for a second what happened.
I feel now that I can accept how I felt and why I felt it.
I will continue to care for people, feel the hurt and love the fact that I’m being myself.
I guess it’s all part of living life.
I went out last night to a 30th. It was good, I unfortunately had to leave early because I got tired and felt myself becoming un sociable. So I thought it would be better to go.
The guy who’s 30th it was, was wearing a shirt saying 30 (on the front) ….and still looking good!!! (On the back)
He looked really good; he’s a nice guy.
I asked Ian to come along and he brought two of his friends, He was a little drunk, we chatted for a while. He’s got somewhere to stay now and a job so that’s really great.
Ian looked very attractive. I smile creeps on my face because he was drunk and told me I looked beautiful :) I smile now and shake my head he probably woke up this morning thinking “Oh, dam why did I say that!!” (He’s got a girlfriend)
I’m glad of this because it makes talking easier because it’s the whole you know ya can’t go there.
So that’s been my life for now.
A bit happening finally going out but paying the price. I’ve been so tired that I feel sick.
I’ve got my new job that’s still in training for and I’m thinking that I need to focus more.
That said I better go to bed.
Oh, another thing – Sean came back to the shop on yesterday. Ten points for coming back! I never called him. He sat down and winked at me!
Ha ha! He nodded his head and did the wink thing. I laugh now shake my head and think “ohh – no..” LOL!
Mk says, “Why don’t you go out with him?”
“Na”
“What attracts you to someone?”
“Confidence – but there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance!”
I laugh. He agreed. “A very fine line”
Ian said last night that the bar maid was good looking.
“Yeah? She doesn’t do it for me”
“What do you like”?
I look around “There’s hardly and girls in hear…”
He looked at be with surprise, I just laughed.
I was going to describe what he was wearing but had second thoughts. Better not to complicate things.
One week without blogging.
Why? I thought maybe my blog was making people “bored”.
Now, who cares!
I’ll post needless and meaningless things and all because I want to and this is my blog.
Now. What about this past week. Well.
Where do I start!??!
How about I start with eve.
Deep breath - In and out.
So he asked me to come around to his apartment. I said that I couldn’t have a late night being that I get so tired. I could come around for a few drinks before I drop in on street works and see Mr Philosopher at a pub.
Well – that didn’t happen. The drinks did. Then he asked if I wanted to go and watch a movie back up in his apartment.
Hmmm…. I went silent. I raised my eyebrows.
“Nah, I can’t”
“Oh, sook”
Raised eyebrows “Sook?? No”
Now I should tell you that I had text him earlier saying that I want to talk to him not just the sex.” So I had told him.
So we end up going up to his room. – Yeah I know what your thinking. It’s obviously going to happen. Well it didn’t. I told him straight up.
“I don’t want to have sex tonight.”
“Ok”
That didn’t stop us from lying on the couch together, cuddled up, touching skin but hardly any really. I tried to leave a few times and he ended up promising not to go to far and I thought ok.
So I stayed the night. It was Soooooo nice. Just what I needed….
Although he kept trying to seduce me into sex.
He got real close but I didn’t want to just be there for a “bootie” call.
I kept saying no and moving a wandering hand.
I’m stupid.
He sent a couple of messages. I wrote “Even tho it was a frustrating night, I liked it :)”
His response “Come over tonight and we can do it all again”
I was feeling ok, cautious and a little annoyed at myself but I squashed those thoughts and wrote back “ok”
Well. I arrive and he had done a complete back flip. I didn’t know who this person was. He was being a dick! I had said the night before after he repeatedly tried seduce me, “I told you from the start I didn’t want to”
“Don’t you want to?”
“I can’t, Of course it’s hard but I really didn’t like the person I was last time I saw you. I wouldn’t usually do that. By you doing this – your not respecting me,
And I did tell you from the start it wasn’t going to happen.”
“Ok”
So the next night, He sent that text and I thought it was just going to be … nice?
He was – the complete opposite. I had hit a sore note with the “no respect” thing and when I walked in I went to kiss him on the check and touch his arm that was fine then he did a turn around and – shook my hand…huh????
We sit on the couch and he keeps repeating – You don’t respect me when I go to touch his knee or arm, just to rest my hand on him. Huh??????
He was being so cold. It was hurting me and frustrating me because he wouldn’t tell me what he was thinking.
Sigh. We had sex. Why, Might you ask?
Because I hated him being so distant and thought, well, it would be better if I did, He could go back to the eve I knew. So we did, and I may as well have just picked up some money and left. I felt guttered.
He got up, got dressed, got his new mobile phone, sat down on the couch and played with it. It took less then – one or maybe two minutes for him to get from the bedroom to the couch. I couldn’t believe it. I felt soooo used and stupid.
Even better, I ended up sleeping there. I fell asleep and he continued to play on his phone and then moved onto the computer when his phone battery went flat.
He COMPLETELY ignored me! Made me feel so used.
The next morning when I left I was really down.
Know one knew what I had done except Mk and Debbie and Deb.
So I went to the shop and spoke to Mk. I knew exactly why I slept with him.
I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
We were talking and thankfully there was only one client that came in for Mk.
I was upset inside and told him everything.
I knew he would tell Deb so I didn’t need to.
Mk said what I couldn’t. The tears welled up in my eyes (my stomach gets tight now and I feel that lump in my throat) and spilt down my face.
He gave me a hug and showed me a different way to look at the situation.
When I left I felt a lot better.
The team went out that night and we had a good time.
You live you learn and you grow.
Now I feel good. I don’t regret for a second what happened.
I feel now that I can accept how I felt and why I felt it.
I will continue to care for people, feel the hurt and love the fact that I’m being myself.
I guess it’s all part of living life.
I went out last night to a 30th. It was good, I unfortunately had to leave early because I got tired and felt myself becoming un sociable. So I thought it would be better to go.
The guy who’s 30th it was, was wearing a shirt saying 30 (on the front) ….and still looking good!!! (On the back)
He looked really good; he’s a nice guy.
I asked Ian to come along and he brought two of his friends, He was a little drunk, we chatted for a while. He’s got somewhere to stay now and a job so that’s really great.
Ian looked very attractive. I smile creeps on my face because he was drunk and told me I looked beautiful :) I smile now and shake my head he probably woke up this morning thinking “Oh, dam why did I say that!!” (He’s got a girlfriend)
I’m glad of this because it makes talking easier because it’s the whole you know ya can’t go there.
So that’s been my life for now.
A bit happening finally going out but paying the price. I’ve been so tired that I feel sick.
I’ve got my new job that’s still in training for and I’m thinking that I need to focus more.
That said I better go to bed.
Oh, another thing – Sean came back to the shop on yesterday. Ten points for coming back! I never called him. He sat down and winked at me!
Ha ha! He nodded his head and did the wink thing. I laugh now shake my head and think “ohh – no..” LOL!
Mk says, “Why don’t you go out with him?”
“Na”
“What attracts you to someone?”
“Confidence – but there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance!”
I laugh. He agreed. “A very fine line”
Ian said last night that the bar maid was good looking.
“Yeah? She doesn’t do it for me”
“What do you like”?
I look around “There’s hardly and girls in hear…”
He looked at be with surprise, I just laughed.
I was going to describe what he was wearing but had second thoughts. Better not to complicate things.
One week without blogging.
Why? I thought maybe my blog was making people “bored”.
Now, who cares!
I’ll post needless and meaningless things and all because I want to and this is my blog.
Now. What about this past week. Well.
Where do I start!??!
How about I start with eve.
Deep breath - In and out.
So he asked me to come around to his apartment. I said that I couldn’t have a late night being that I get so tired. I could come around for a few drinks before I drop in on street works and see Mr Philosopher at a pub.
Well – that didn’t happen. The drinks did. Then he asked if I wanted to go and watch a movie back up in his apartment.
Hmmm…. I went silent. I raised my eyebrows.
“Nah, I can’t”
“Oh, sook”
Raised eyebrows “Sook?? No”
Now I should tell you that I had text him earlier saying that I want to talk to him not just the sex.” So I had told him.
So we end up going up to his room. – Yeah I know what your thinking. It’s obviously going to happen. Well it didn’t. I told him straight up.
“I don’t want to have sex tonight.”
“Ok”
That didn’t stop us from lying on the couch together, cuddled up, touching skin but hardly any really. I tried to leave a few times and he ended up promising not to go to far and I thought ok.
So I stayed the night. It was Soooooo nice. Just what I needed….
Although he kept trying to seduce me into sex.
He got real close but I didn’t want to just be there for a “bootie” call.
I kept saying no and moving a wandering hand.
I’m stupid.
He sent a couple of messages. I wrote “Even tho it was a frustrating night, I liked it :)”
His response “Come over tonight and we can do it all again”
I was feeling ok, cautious and a little annoyed at myself but I squashed those thoughts and wrote back “ok”
Well. I arrive and he had done a complete back flip. I didn’t know who this person was. He was being a dick! I had said the night before after he repeatedly tried seduce me, “I told you from the start I didn’t want to”
“Don’t you want to?”
“I can’t, Of course it’s hard but I really didn’t like the person I was last time I saw you. I wouldn’t usually do that. By you doing this – your not respecting me,
And I did tell you from the start it wasn’t going to happen.”
“Ok”
So the next night, He sent that text and I thought it was just going to be … nice?
He was – the complete opposite. I had hit a sore note with the “no respect” thing and when I walked in I went to kiss him on the check and touch his arm that was fine then he did a turn around and – shook my hand…huh????
We sit on the couch and he keeps repeating – You don’t respect me when I go to touch his knee or arm, just to rest my hand on him. Huh??????
He was being so cold. It was hurting me and frustrating me because he wouldn’t tell me what he was thinking.
Sigh. We had sex. Why, Might you ask?
Because I hated him being so distant and thought, well, it would be better if I did, He could go back to the eve I knew. So we did, and I may as well have just picked up some money and left. I felt guttered.
He got up, got dressed, got his new mobile phone, sat down on the couch and played with it. It took less then – one or maybe two minutes for him to get from the bedroom to the couch. I couldn’t believe it. I felt soooo used and stupid.
Even better, I ended up sleeping there. I fell asleep and he continued to play on his phone and then moved onto the computer when his phone battery went flat.
He COMPLETELY ignored me! Made me feel so used!
The next morning when I left I was really down.
Know one knew what I had done except Mk and Debbie and Deb.
So I went to the shop and spoke to Mk. I knew exactly why I slept with him.
I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
We were talking and thankfully there was only one client that came in for Mk.
I was upset inside and told him everything.
I knew he would tell Deb so I didn’t need to.
Mk said what I couldn’t. The tears welled up in my eyes (my stomach gets tight now and I feel that lump in my throat) and spilt down my face.
He gave me a hug and showed me a different way to look at the situation.
When I left I felt a lot better.
The team went out that night and we had a good time.
You live you learn and you grow.
Now I feel good. I don’t regret for a second what happened.
I feel now that I can accept how I felt and why I felt it.
I will continue to care for people, feel the hurt and love the fact that I’m being myself.
I guess it’s all part of living life.
I went out last night to a 30th. It was good, I unfortunately had to leave early because I got tired and felt myself becoming un sociable. So I thought it would be better to go.
The guy who’s 30th it was, was wearing a shirt saying 30 (on the front) ….and still looking good!!! (On the back)
He looked really good; he’s a nice guy.
I asked Ian to come along and he brought two of his friends, He was a little drunk, we chatted for a while. He’s got somewhere to stay now and a job so that’s really great.
Ian looked very attractive. I smile creeps on my face because he was drunk and told me I looked beautiful :) I smile now and shake my head he probably woke up this morning thinking “Oh, dam why did I say that!!” (He’s got a girlfriend)
I’m glad of this because it makes talking easier because it’s the whole you know ya can’t go there.
So that’s been my life for now.
A bit happening finally going out but paying the price. I’ve been so tired that I feel sick.
I’ve got my new job that’s still in training for and I’m thinking that I need to focus more.
That said I better go to bed.
Oh, another thing – Sean came back to the shop on yesterday. Ten points for coming back! I never called him. He sat down and winked at me!
Ha ha! He nodded his head and did the wink thing. I laugh now shake my head and think “ohh – no..” LOL!
Mk says, “Why don’t you go out with him?”
“Na”
“What attracts you to someone?”
“Confidence – but there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance!”
I laugh. He agreed. “A very fine line”
Ian said last night that the bar maid was good looking.
“Yeah? She doesn’t do it for me”
“What do you like”?
I look around “There’s hardly and girls in hear…”
He looked at be with surprise, I just laughed.
I was going to describe what he was wearing but had second thoughts. Better not to complicate things.
posted by kaz at 9:08 PM
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