Just realx and maybe not care......yeah.

So I go on a date with Dave. Yes the “non date “ (on my terms) turned out to be a “date”. He picked me up went to the restaurant (he paid) then we went walking about looking at Christmas lights.
It was nice. He’s a nice guy….. but….
There’s always a but.
I came home and my head was screaming – give me back single life! I lay on my bed just thinking that I don’t want to lead this guy on – at the end of the date (in which I managed to drop food from my mouth – again!! I just did it and laughed it off but I thought – AGAIN! Oh my GOD!) he asked me out again. What can I say – looking at him??
“Yeah…ok – yeah….it was nice” (agreeing with him)
So today I just kinda thought… Maybe not….
I haven’t kissed him. I’ve only seen him 3 times!
I don’t think I really want to kiss him…. He’s … I’m going to say it – to nice!
I’m just think if I kiss him it showing interest when really – I’m not.
I’m just not interested in a relationship. I’m not interested in being with anyone! I really don’t want to! I want to have male friends and not feel like I’m being “bad” if I continue to see them when I know they may like me….
I just think what I need is someone who is really casual about things ad just doesn’t really care. You know – I think it’s because then I don’t want to feel like I’m going to hurt any feelings if I decide to say – ‘sorry but…” – and I can’t do that to Dave. I tried tonight but … I just didn’t know how to put it! With everyone else I’m really up front but I guess I just think he may have a complex because … of his height or something.
See – his 6 foot 5 inches. He had to duck to walk under the doorway. But the truth is that it’s me and not him. I’m just really not interested in being “tied down” as such…
But on top of that – there was no real – you know – that amazing feeling/interest.
I just didn’t have any real – Chemistry.
When I looked at Eve we both just went – nice - I want that.
The mind races and you just feel/show a little more interest and see what you get back.
Yeah – There wasn’t that with Dave.
Oh well.

Eve. I saw a picture of his girlfriend. He showed me.
She’s nothing like me.
She was laying on a fold out bed in his apartment – yes laying fully clothed on a FOLD up bed. She was lying on her side looking up at the camera hair to the side one arm up and looking at the camera – not smiling just looking.
What the??!
“She’s a Christian” he tells me.
I look at him “Uh huh” – my first thought was she’s smaller then me.
Then she has very dark hair medium length. Pritty enough.
Just the opposite of me. I have long red/copper hair. Curly (and I straighten it).
But I would never let him take a photo of me. He tried. I was lying on my side after a raunchy night and I was just recovering lying on the floor, the most I had on was the rings on my fingers. You get the picture. Then a flash went off! I jump up and his got his camera out.
“Delete it!”
He wouldn’t but then I found it and he deleted it in front of me.
No way. Any photos like that is not a good idea.
She’s 22 years old and obviously – by the fact that she didn’t have sex with him and she’s a “Good Christian” yet she’s lying on top of HIS bed AND the fold out and allowing him to take the photo – I think it shows an immature person.
How about we just lie out some meat in front of a tiger and tell him not to eat it.
Ridicules.
Eve couldn’t believe she actually didn’t sleep with him either.
I just laughed.
It seems he doesn’t really care about her. He only cares about himself.
Oh well.
I asked him if he knows what his getting for Christmas.
He said he didn’t really need/want every thing.
“Yeah – what do you get someone who has it all??” I say
I smiled “I know something that you won’t be getting this Christmas”
He looks at me and laughs – He agrees.
It’s been over a year now since I met him and started shagging him.

I’m tired.
I’m going to go and play my guitar.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!