Today

So today I feel…. Sad.
Why? A little bit f Eve and also the fact that I now know that I really don’t want a relationship. It freaks me out.
I was reading one of my books last night and it made sooooo much sense.
I mean really, I could relate to it.
I’m tired.
I just want to get into bed, read my books, read the bible and be alone with my thoughts. My mums coming down which is nice but I just feel like being alone.
Hears the thing. My blog, Cindy, Deb& Mk (form and fi are the only people who now about Eve and what we do.
My brother asks, “Where are you going”
“To a pub”
“Who with”
“Goosy”
“Which pub?” – t this point is it any wonder why I get so terribly annoyed when he asks 20 questions on where I’m going? !!!
“I’m going to a pub in the city with Goosy, watching a band”
I walk out. This is what I always say.
I don’t care if I lie to him as he has NEVER told the truth in his life and he doesn’t need to know anything about me or what/ where I’m going.
It’s mum – this is why I feel bad. My brother tells her what I’m doing and I have to carry it on with her.
“Where did you go last night?”
“Just to a pub” – trying to keep it short
“Who with”
“Just Goosy her boyfriend and his friend”
“Was it good?”
“Yeah – how are you?”
I have to change the topic. I hate to lie to her but everything with eve is under wraps. She wouldn’t approve but she wouldn’t say anything either – it’s just better if she didn’t know.
I felt better when I felt like I had Eve out of my life. When I erased his number and all his messages from my phone and didn’t have his number. I’m going to do that again. The thing is that he eventually texts me and then I have his number again.
Sigh. – It’s just a bad situation.
I like his attention but I guess… He says he’s messed up. I think he’s confused.


Mum's just arrived. She's going mad at brother, she's upset. My brothers a controlling freak. I hate him.
My fathers the same.
I want to curl up and cry.
F**K.