My confession
I'm wrapped with guilt.
I hurt Eve. I hate myself for that. I really do.
I'm suppressing tears.
Tears of guilt hurt that fact that I lie to my mum about what/where I'm going and what I’m feeling. I don't lie. I hate lying. HATE!!!! This is my own hell.
I want to tell my mum. Why? Because I just don't want to live a lie anymore.
It's been to long. I've been sad and tired. Sigh.
By telling mum I guess I'm getting it off my chest in a mum way.
I do want to see Eve again. I wouldn't have minded seeing him tonight. To just sit with him on the couch and watch T.V, talk enjoys our company together.
I won't tell mum. I'll finish writing the letter to Eve and try and end this again.
I feel this way because he WANTED me. That's what this boils down to.
He WANTED me. WANTED.
This cuts deep.
I've gone out with people no worries but the other night when we slept together - it was different. The whole thing was different.
His words "I want you"
Mine "really?"
If I was water he would of drank me, that's what it was like.
"You can have me"
It was those words that broke the chain around my guarded heart and still I feel that feeling in my chest / stomach. Sigh. Then Friday night he's the opposite even being so crude to say, "It took forever to get some last night"
I was stunned.
"Whatever" - I shook my head and told him that it was crude to say that and he had a devious laugh.
Whatever.
I gotta go.
I hurt Eve. I hate myself for that. I really do.
I'm suppressing tears.
Tears of guilt hurt that fact that I lie to my mum about what/where I'm going and what I’m feeling. I don't lie. I hate lying. HATE!!!! This is my own hell.
I want to tell my mum. Why? Because I just don't want to live a lie anymore.
It's been to long. I've been sad and tired. Sigh.
By telling mum I guess I'm getting it off my chest in a mum way.
I do want to see Eve again. I wouldn't have minded seeing him tonight. To just sit with him on the couch and watch T.V, talk enjoys our company together.
I won't tell mum. I'll finish writing the letter to Eve and try and end this again.
I feel this way because he WANTED me. That's what this boils down to.
He WANTED me. WANTED.
This cuts deep.
I've gone out with people no worries but the other night when we slept together - it was different. The whole thing was different.
His words "I want you"
Mine "really?"
If I was water he would of drank me, that's what it was like.
"You can have me"
It was those words that broke the chain around my guarded heart and still I feel that feeling in my chest / stomach. Sigh. Then Friday night he's the opposite even being so crude to say, "It took forever to get some last night"
I was stunned.
"Whatever" - I shook my head and told him that it was crude to say that and he had a devious laugh.
Whatever.
I gotta go.
posted by kaz at 8:45 PM
1 Comments:
It was not a nice thing to say,"It took forever to get some last night". You seem like a great girl - I have only gotten to know from your blog, and the emails we have exchanged over the past year. I can say that you have so much to offer and any man be it Eve, Scott :) or any other guy would be lucky to meet someone as caring and compassionate as you. It sounds like he is playing games with you and you do not deserve that. I wish I could give you some truly inspirational comment but my own life is a mess again and i should not be giving any type of advice.
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