I figured out why.

I don't want to cry. I did, but now because I have pin pointed why I feel the way I do it's kinda - well an accomplishment of sorts. I like to eliminate certain things to why I feel like just crying. Process of elimitation.
It's because I live with my brother.
I find it really hard to live with him. No one know just how hard it is. They can try and imagine but like everything you just don't know until you have walked a week in my shoes.
Now he's got a job and we don't live in each others pockets - it's a little easier to avoid at all costs, But it's really hard.
I feel like I''m reaching out and no one will take my hand. The only person who can help me up at times is either myself which I have done so for years and managed to get back up but now I want someone who understands.
My best friend Maria is fantastic. I love her and she knows what I go through.
She's probably the only one who really gets what I go through with out dealing with it first hand.
Thank God he makes things happen at the right times. For example - I'm in love with my guitar and that takes my mind off everything else. It's my one outlet where I can just have me time and really enjoy myself.

I'm sooo tired tonight. I'm going to sleep real soon, late nights and early starts.
I think about the work I want and I just have to wait to hear answers.
Otherwise I'm going to call them up.

I want to sleep.