One step closer to....

Yeah.
Today at work was good – Super busy. I think I did about 14 haircuts and 1 colour in a row.
Debbie and I both cut ourselves once.
Mk was appreciative and we made lots of money for him so that was the best part.

I’m reading a book called “Contemporary Australian feminism”
So far so good – it’s one of those books that I find hard to put down.
Nick is lending me “Women who run with wolves” – similar type of book I think.

Eve. I shake my head.

I need to go and pray.
Support – I love the fact that I was helped through that difficult time. Last night and today.

I want to cry. Scream, laugh, love – do it all. Inside I’m running 1000 miles a minute
Eve. I shake my head still. I told him to go and find him self another “bonking buddy”
Because I couldn’t “bonk” someone I love.
“What do you do then?”
“Make love”
Sorry folks, I once thought I felt love for him but really - I don’t love him now – I don’t really like him – as a person. Great in bed but the irony is that I don’t think it would be that good any more. I know him more now and I don’t like what I see.
It’s just my opinion.
When he was talking to me last night on the phone I could hear girls in the background asking him if he wanted to come out tonight. He said
“Um, I’ll think about it”
There were about two girls that I could hear talking to him. They were the girls who worked there.
So I ask, “Are you going to go out with them?”
“Yeah – I might, I haven’t been out for ages”
CRUNCH – That was my chest getting stood on. I’m not a jealous type. At all – but I thought of someone else with him and I got really hurt.
That’s when I thought – What am I doing?? Of course it’s nice to have someone wanting you. Asking to go out to dinner – passionately kissing, touching your skin….
I shake my head. Of course I wanted to go – I almost did.
What stopped me? – The fact that I had spoken to Kez and Erin about it only hours before and on my own morals after the way he treated me last time – There’s no way I could go back and feel respected.
Dam.
I thought about the fact that he doesn’t care about me, the way he treated me last time we saw each other, I thought about Nick, I thought about God, Kez, Erin, Mk’s daughter – the couples at my church…. And I said no.
He didn’t come in for a haircut today.
Typical.
I’m glad he didn’t.
It didn’t worry me that he didn’t. I’m glad it didn’t bother me.
I hate it but it’s a fact - I still have something for him.
He’s passion. The way he wants me.
The fact he wants me and just has a way to make me melt.
I’m taking Erin’s advice – just stay away. Very far away.
She’s a wise young woman.
I guess I’m struggling with physical desires and my morals, Christian and just the values I hold regardless.