The Notebook

Today I brought “The Notebook” I saw this movie when it first came out – I was on the plane on my way to England.
This time I was prepared. A box of tissues and I was alone – sort of.
Damon was with me and I start sniffling and he comes over to play, to see if I’m ok.
He broke the moment.
Great movie. Really beautiful.

I woke up full of energy today – It died after an hour later.

Thea’s coming home on December the 14th. It will be good when she comes back – I have that feeling again – have we grown apart? She’s seeing someone and she didn’t tell me. I’m usually the first person she tells and she tells me EVERYTHING!
I guess I haven’t been to good with the emails and calls.
Being tired is so bad. I can’t be bothered talking to anyone. I don’t want to see anyone because that would take effort and I just haven’t got that at the moment.
Jay tells me to call him – I don’t. I don’t because I can’t be bothered talking to him.
I just get tired. When I’m tired I don’t want to talk and make conversation.
There’s times which are better then others and I’m ok to call people it’s just that since February I haven’t really called anyone. That’s six months of not contacting or seeing anyone.
Sigh.
Work keeps me going but I get to the weekend and really I just have to rest.

A guy kept hinting that all he’s doing for the weekend is watching movies –
“Yeah – I do that every weekend”
“There’s no point putting gel in my hair I’m watching them by myself…”
“Yeah there is at least you can look good while watching T.V”
I wasn’t bitting. He tried some more, telling me how he doesn’t like going anywhere by himself – even shopping – clothes and food!
I tell him that I prefer shopping by myself ! Not having someone wanting to go somewhere else, wanting to leave before you do – really just being a general pain in the ass. Maybe I’ve spent too much time by myself. I don’t really remember going shopping with anyone besides my mum.
Anyway this guy asked me out ages ago and I told him no because “Mk doesn’t like me going out with clients – his very strict like that” –
It’s a nice way to say – sorry but no.

I feel tired. My stomach’s sore, I’m tired and I have a headache. My hormones are all over the place, my chest is still sore, and I want to go watch the notebook again. Without Damon.

I had a cigarette today. Didn’t do anything for my state of mind at the moment.
I was annoyed at myself – “missy” Mk’s 10year old daughter was standing there and I forgot that she hadn’t seen me smoke before. I didn’t think anything of it until she says to me later “why did you start smoking?” I felt terrible.
“I don’t really only occasionally –“
“Once you start you can’t stop”
Her 12-year-old brother looks around and I just think – why did I do that??
How can you tell a 10 year old that when you just don’t care and your sick of – everything…. You just don’t care.
I couldn’t finish the whole ciggerette due to head spins and feeling sick – but oh well.