Yesterday

So I’m at home again today. I’m sitting / lying in my cleen sheeted bed, I got rid of all the tissues that were sprawled around me and now I’m just about to watch a movie “Mad Love” with Drew Barrymore. She’s really gorgeous.

I went in to work this morning 6am till 0830. I just wasn’t well enough to stay.
Nick was in there today. He didn’t want to come to close – cos I was “infected” he comforted from a distance with a sheet of paper. It was kinda funny – ya had to be there.

I’ve got a doctors appt today. I need penicillin.

I was meant to go on a bush walk with Nick today but were going to do it next week. I just find it so hard to think in the near future to do things. I just think I work and anything else is a bonus on the day and it depends how I feel.

Tazz came over last night to see how I was and to talk. I found out a lot about him. I love getting to know people and where they come from.
He has such an inner strength. I’ve always liked him (yes I even had a crush until I found out that he was gay.) yet I now – I just think he’s fabulous.
He thinks I ‘m a little… Naive.

I need to go sleep. Or watch a movie then fall asleep during it.

So yeah.
……. Hours later

I had a sleep and I’m still tired. I’ve also got a headache. I just watched this Disney movie and I cried! It was sooo sad! AND it was a kids DISNEY MOVIE!
A great movie – “Tuck Forever” A love movie, all about never ending love. Ohhhh. Makes me sad thinking about it!
It’s a DISNEY MOVIE!

So anyway. I just heard from Fi. I was meant to help her out with this justice church thing and I thought it was in 2 weeks. Turns out it was this weekend! She said not to worry someone else did it but I think I’ve been to self-focused. Thinking about how I’m going to spend m one day off and organising things to do with friends. The whole Girly Man thing with him leaving and developing deeper relationships with people. I’ve put things at church on hold a bit and unfortunately the people.

I’m not a prude.… but lately… I’ve felt – prudish. In a sense that …. No that’s the wrong word for it. I feel like I’m …. I was going to say being someone I’m not but it’s not that.
I feel like I need to do something for someone…. I miss “The Streeties” I miss those relationships. I just can’t do late nights.
Another thing.
I went for a walk the other day, the sun was shining Damon was running about, I wore this top that is years old but very comfortable and I like it.
Now I haven’t got a bust. The comment was made that Tazz would have bigger man boobs then me – maybe. I can live with that but you see this top was a low cut top not so low that it left nothing to the imagination but it was open to see any cleaveage line that doesn’t really exist.
So I’m walking along and I see two people from my church – a married couple and all of a sudden I became very aware of what I was wearing. To add to it I had a great bra on that boosted what it could.
Now see – this is my dilemma. I’ve never had a problem with wearing this sort of clothing but at that moment I wish I had a singlet top on – like the one she was wearing.
Conservative. Yet, I’m not all that …. Well I am sorta conservative but… different.
My conservative may not be “church” conservative. I don’t think I’m making much sense.
So in the end I just feel like I should … I don’t know. I’m not going to stop being me.
I think I’ve got a good balance. I think if I was to have tits I’d be …. Better off with what I’ve got. I’ve always said that. I think if I had them when I was young I’d be into more trouble then what I already got into!
It was all nice trouble tho.
I think it’s good to get this off my shoulders. Things make sense when writing them down.
I feel like I’m a church impostor. I sit and sing and praise and I talk to God at home but … I think I have more Christian influence around me.